MY HOLY INSTANT

I would like to share an incredible experience that I had in my early twenties. Even though it is not something I talk about except on inspired occasions, there may be a few of those who have had the near death experience (NDE’s) who could relate to this. I also felt the need to journal this experience while I could still remember it. Please be aware that this is an attempt to describe that which is indescribable.

I define this experience as being the only “real” experience I have ever had in my life because in comparison to everything else in this so called every day reality, it was the only time I felt that I was completely awake. I felt as though I had awakened from a really bad dream. I had the kind of experience that you hear people talk about whom have died and been brought back to life, only at the time I was not dying, dead, sick or on drugs. I was twenty years old visiting my parents and I had just read an exercise for soul travel in a book called Ekankar. It was in the evening and I had just after taking a shower, wearing a towel and sitting on the bed, I decided to try the meditation technique I had recently read about containing breathing and visualizations supposed to enhance the ability to see into the spiritual realms or enhance one’s state of consciousness. I was attempting to do what the book was instructing me to do but was not very successful at clearing the mind chatter. I simply could not keep the concentration because of the many thoughts flooding my mind. So I put the book aside and decided to create my own form of meditation. I began by creating a small image of myself inside my head just behind my eyes. I visualized what the inside of my head would look like and then proceeded to travel down through the back of my head to my throat. It was difficult at first but using my imagination I continued to journey through the inside of my neck and I slid down through my throat to my stomach. I began to visualize and imagine what physical sensations I should feel and was amazed at how real the experience had become from the point of reference of this miniature self I had created.

I began experiencing the body’s heat and intense moisture. Suddenly it was all becoming very real, and then this strange thing happens; I have reached the stomach, it is feeling very real, Infact it became so real I no longer had a sense that I was anything but this tiny person stuck inside the stomach of a larger person. I began to feel claustrophobic, I felt I could not breathe or move as my new perceived self seemed to be too large for this small cavity I was occupying. My conscious perception of myself was now trapped in my own stomach. I felt trapped and the heat was intense, it was wet dark and I wanted out. I thought I would just bust my way out somehow and started pushing forward with my arms, as if I could escape by bursting out, …….and then it happened.
I felt an incredible explosion of energy that was very pleasant and exhilarating. I was no longer inside of my stomach, Infact I was not inside anything. I was somehow projected from all earthly existence into an IMMENSE light. When I say immense, think of being inside a GIANT white Sun for example, You are one with this IMMENSE light. You are this IMMENSE light. You have full knowledge of every part of it and feeling it.. has full knowledge of you. This incredible light penetrated my being as I had the knowledge of being this Sun or huge white star which had enveloped my consciousness and my awareness was expanded beyond description. I was part of the whole and yet in the center of it. I was completely aware of millions of other beings who occupied the same light at the same time. I was without a body as I was now a body of the light with an awareness and mindfulness that encompassed what felt as complete knowing. I was infused with this pure feeling of Love. I was bathed in the feeling of Love and the Light was one and the same. I wish I could describe in words the total exaltation. Nothing short of poetry could describe this immense beauty, radiance and warmth. I could feel and hear an audible sound current which I perceived as millions of light beings and every beautiful soul that ever lived was also there creating this ecstatically beautiful melodious communication. I felt and/or experienced knowledge of all that is. I had in one instant the knowledge of every planetary star system. I had pure knowledge of every being that ever lived and every thought, deed, action, experience and every feeling experienced, all rolled into one instant and with every wave of light.

I heard singing by those who were creating this incredibly beautiful sound current, like millions of Angels singing in harmony and the sound was a tangible real force that I could actually feel as a part of my being. It was a form of communication. I received the knowledge that the sound current was the power of creation or the tool for creation. The sound could be felt literally as warmth and the warmth was a communication as well. All that could be felt or seen was communication. I was aware that Love radiates a Light and therefore brings knowledge. All this at once occurred in my awareness, in one instant as there was no sense of time; just an all encompassing awareness of all there is past present and future being one. The only sense of past or future seemed to be a pulse or breath. Like a wave’s ebb and flow,…. I was being breathed. No sense of gravity or of being encapsulated by a body, rather I was pure thought and feeling, and the feeling was pure Love, a Love like nothing that is felt on earth, a Love that transcends and permeates to the smallest creature existing anywhere. Somehow and for some reason I escaped into this Holy realm for one Holy Instant. I got a glimpse of Heaven and Soul in it’s purest form, or perhaps I got a glimpse of a small part of what may be something so great and profound no human will ever be able to speak of it for there could never be a source of communication that could describe it. My feable attempt to describe the indescribable is motivated only by my earnest desire to confirm to my small ego it has no power over the Truth.

All of this immensity of feeling, sensation and exaltation was a communication that spoke to my mind; it said: “This is what you are, this is where you began and this is where you will return." Not in words, but in the most exquisite musical vibrations of what could only be described as I said, a million voices all singing in a celestial harmony. There was no sense of time, gravity or any sense of being a body or even a mind. I was simply one with all…. this combined energy of light, warmth and sound.
I was complete.
My only mundane awareness to all of this was a realization of a growing elation and ecstasy. There were waves of light, sound and warmth that kept mounting and mounting. There was no limit or level, it just kept growing and growing and on and on, pulsing, heaving, power beyond description. Yet what ever connection I still had to the earth body, was being affected. How much could I take? I don’t think any single human could handle such energy for very long without being ripped apart atom by atom. That is why I know I was sent back into my body.
I don't know how long this whole experience lasted since there was no time reference. Everything was all happening at once. Past present future and now are one. I did feel that I would burst from the mounting ecstasy. The longer I remained the more I was being filled with Love and acceptance and peace and joy and compared to a thousand lifetimes of complete ecstasy could not compare. Everything that anyone could possibly want in this world was there and in its purest form only a billion times stronger and more perfect. I did not want to leave, but I did suddenly find myself floating down onto my bed. Slowly I felt a sense of gravity return to my senses. I began to sense a body once again and I felt the body as if it were a wet slug. I was fully back in a body that seemed so miniscule and distant, like a fleshy gross capsule that was used to blind and separate me from everything and mostly from my REAL self.

My body was drenched in perspiration as every cell was purged and cleansed. The temperature of the room was not warm yet I soaked the towels and sheets around me. I felt completely purged from the inside out, yet now I recognized the source of this separation I felt from being in a body, just one small flesh shell compared to being at one with ALL, this is Hell in and of itself. To choose to occupy a physical form whilst still having the slightest recollection of this divine existence is pure masochism.

This experience was over three decades ago, since that time I have experienced many miracles and many traumas of sorts. The memory of that experience comes and goes, yet I am always accompanied with a powerful feeling that I am not alone, nor could I ever be. How we to filter out the light and knowledge of this True existence is a great mechanization of the mind that sleeps, but we have never truly left out Source of Light. It is only our consciousness that sleeps, dreaming of a body and doing so well at it. I remember saying to God and the heavens after trying many times to re-awaken to the divine mind of all knowing without success, “why show me what I am and then send me back here”. It seemed cruel. Every once in a while I get small glimpses of light piercing through the darkness. What has remained a constant throughout my life; the knowing Life comes from Love; Love, Light and God are one. I don’t think we have to die to experience our awakening and for what is awaiting us once we are freed from the confines of the world we made. Infact, I believe we must be very much alive as a loving energy no matter what age.

Was I given a glimps of Heaven or God? I do not know the answer, I only know
and I FEEL we will awaken to our Truth much sooner than we think. The structure of the world we built is beginning to crumble and before it gets really bad perhaps is when we wake up to our Holy Instant and Holy Eternity.