One of the most destructive and disturbing narcissistic personality disorder traits is a severe lack of accountability. This is in fact one of the most powerful warnings that you are dealing with an individual who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
How do you know when you’re dealing with this narcissistic personality disorder trait?
This narcissistic personality disorder trait shows up when this person never admits being wrong. It was not their fault, someone else was to blame, and they will employ all sorts of tactics and defences to avoid being accountable.
Let’s look at what some of the defences and tactics of this narcissistic personality disorder trait
• Avoidance:Refusing to recognise or acknowledge the incident as real or important to you
• Excuses: Making up stories or reasons for the behaviour that are not genuine or valid excuses
• Accusations:Blaming someone else for the wrongdoing
• False Apology: Saying a ‘sorry’ that is not a genuine apology, and expecting you to accept it
• Confusion: Creating antics over trivial points in the conversation to shift and confuse the focus
• Projection: Stating ‘what you did wrong’ regarding the particular topic by using ammunition from the past that has nothing to do with the present incident
• Using Allies:Quoting people real or imagined to back their ‘story’ of excuses, or to discredit you
• Shutting down: Unwilling to have the conversation or abandoning the sceneto avoid scrutiny
• Shifting Focus:Responding with displeasure to your body language or the tone of your voice to steer the conversation away from the wrongdoing
• Persecution :Stating how bad your accusations are, and what a terrible person you are to accuse
• Denial:Stating that it was incidents in your past, and your fears and insecurities which causes you to make these accusations
• Discrediting: Stating that you are such a negative person and always look for the ‘conspiracy theory’ in your conversations
• Threatening: Citing abandonment or punishment if you continue with the accusation
• Entitlement: Demanding that you recognise the positive things they have done for you, andthat its unfair for you to focus on the negatives
• Lying: Stating they did grant explanation, reassurance, or did do the credible thing when these actions were not forthcoming
• Condemnation: Continuing the story of “I did do the right thing” and then being incensed at you for calling them a liar
• Justification: Stating ‘I did it’ because of your behaviour and because you make me do these things
• Triggering: Using a maiming comment related or unrelated to incite you to anger and shift blame
• Competition: Stating all the things that they are not happy about with you, as a ‘tit for tat’ retaliation, rather than addressing the issue at hand
The narcissistic personality disorder trait no accountability is incredibly disturbing. When confronted with some or many of these tactics you will feel incredibly invalidated, confused, foggy and unsafe. When dealing with this narcissistic personality disorder trait you will feel that the harder you try to get this person to take responsibility and accountability, the more toxic the conversation becomes. This person will use any tools in their arsenal such gaslighting and projecting to make sure they do not have to admit fault.
When dealing with someone with narcissistic personality disorder traitsit is important to realise that this person does not have remorse and no matter how hard you try they are not capable of admitting they are wrong. Instead of trying to fight for justice and get accountability from the narcissist, accept that their behaviour is due to their disorder and consider using boundaries or implementing no contact – whereby you remove all forms of contact with this person.