Whenever we have an opportunity to connect to others--be it friends, acquaintances, business associates, or family members--we run the risk of having our feelings hurt. On hearing that statement you might be thinking that you are better off not interacting at all! Of course, that is not what I mean. I wanted to shock you; to get your attention for the purpose of reflecting on your daily communications with others.

When we communicate with others we always have choices. First, we can choose to only hear them (but let our minds be focused on something else) or we can choose to listen to them; letting their words or actions impact us in some way. Another choice we can make is that of acknowledgement. Acknowledgements may be given out of politeness--both with hearing and listening. Our acknowledgement may be a negative or positive acknowledgement. We can choose to immediately accept what we hear or see, we can choose to think about the experience, or we can choose to let go of what we've experienced and go on with our day.

But, what happens if we see or hear something that we perceive as an affront or a slight? Do we immediately become defensive and take it personally, or do we let it go? Taking things personally is usually the result of reading negative intent into the words or actions of others. It is also a form of negative narcissism; that means thinking that other's comments and behavior are always the result of a personal interaction with us. In most cases, what others do or say has little or nothing to do with us! Their words and actions are based on their experiences, perceptions or emotions--not ours! If we decide to take their remarks or actions personally we end up stressing and hurting ourselves. Continuing with the theme of narcissism, when we allow ourselves to feel stressed or hurt by the actions of others it then becomes, "All about us."

If we are tempted to take a comment or action personally, putting some distance between ourselves and the other person can help us put things in the proper perspective. We need to try to determine what we're feeling--what's the emotion. If what was said or done is an opinion or a belief that is contrary to ours, it may be that we needed the other person to agree with us for the sake of validation. Perhaps the words or actions simply reinforced some deep-rooted insecurity within us. If we keep replaying the scenario over and over in our mind and really feel that the offensive behavior was intended as an insult; we may want to ask the other person for more clarification or understanding.

We might try to imagine that we are the other person--putting ourselves n their shoes. Instead of taking what we heard or saw as an insult, remember that whatever was said or done is based on the other person's opinion and is indicative of what is going on inside their psyche. Again, it has nothing to do with US. Or, we simply may have been an easy target for someone having a bad day, and their words or action may have been offered with no ill intentions.

When we realize that what people say or do usually doesn't have anything to do with us, we can let go of feelings of hurt or attack. While it's easy to take things personally, we should never let anyone's perceptions or actions affect how we see ourselves or interfere with our worthiness or deservingness. Each life is personal to its owner, and it is up to us to influence our own value and sense of well-being.

© Copyright 2011 Dr. Janolyn F. Moore, PhD. All rights reserved.

Author's Bio: 

Before relocating to North Carolina in 2011, Dr. Janolyn Moore owned and served as co-director of the Golden Branch Wellness Center in Woodland Hills, California. Her Golden Energy technique of healing grew from her interest and years of research of mind/body correlations to disease and healing. The result, Golden Energy, accomplishes all of the aspects needed to promote a total holistic healing experience. Subtle energy work combined with psychology, imagery, and hypnotherapy assist in removing physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual blocks to the healing process. Her approach enables her patients to experience better health and well-being, increased success in all aspects of life, and to experience better and more fulfilling relationships.

Dr. Moore's integrative practice augments traditional Western medicine and psychological approaches to accelerate the healing process. It helps improve the quality of life for those who experience physical illness, chronic pain, or emotional or mental problems.

Dr. Moore served as a staff member for ten years at Northridge Hospital Medical Center in California. She facilitated group psychological counseling for both the in-patient and out-patient Behavioral Health unit. She served as a member of the hospital's Integrative Medicine team and taught classes in hypnosis, guided imagery, mind/body heath, and a holistic approach to managing menopause for the Healing Arts program. As well, she facilitated cancer support groups and provided counseling for patients in the Oncology unit.

In 2004, Dr. Moore was voted best hypnosis professional for the greater Los Angeles area by the readers of the Los Angeles Daily News.

Dr. Moore is an accomplished teacher, published writer, public speaker and seminar leader. She teaches her holistic approach to healing to medical and mental health practitioners throughout the country.

Dr. Moore's clientele extends throughout North America and Europe. As well as combined energy sessions, she offers integrative mind/body counseling, hypno-imagery, and expressive arts therapy. Phone sessions are available and very popular. Each session is 1/12 to 2 hours in length and is recorded in either an MP3 or CD format for the patient so that they may continue to experience the benefits of the session at any time.

Dr. Moore holds a PhD in Clinical Psychology, with an emphasis in Depth Psychology, from Pacifica Graduate Institute, in Carpinteria, California. Additionally, she holds a BA and MA in speech communications. She is a certified Clinical Hypnotherapist and studied Oriental medicine at Samra University.

Dr. Moore is available for private sessions, public speaking engagements, or seminars. To contact her for more information or to request a session, please use the email request form found on the Golden Energy web site.