Parenting Troubled Teens

Parenting A Defiant Teen

Parenting a teen that is out of control can be a very challenging task. Many parents actually give up even trying to help their teen. The parent's frustration can come from several factors, including the overall defiance of the teen and the limitations set by the government. Some teens refuse to do anything their parents ask of them. The teen feels enabled to do this as they know that in reality there is really not much a parent can do to them. Many children are taught in school that they can call Child Protective Service if they ever feel abused. This practice is a great safety net for children that come from abusive homes. This law may even be a life saver for children if they actually call when they are being abused. This call may even result in jail time for the parents of the child making the call. In my work with teens and their parents I have heard some pretty amazing and very sad stories. One parent was falsely accused, sent to jail, and lost his job as a result of his child calling CPS. The teen was getting aggressive with with his mother, and dad stepped in to protect mom. A scuffle ensued and the police were called. Even though the teen was over 6 feet tall and the dad was just over 5 feet tall, dad was deemed abusive. Some families have also had the defiant teen's siblings taken from the home because the teen calling CPS made false accusations against the parents. Once CPS becomes involved they have procedures that need to be followed. The procedures usually include removing all children from the home until the parents can prove they are innocent. This is a good practice, unless the parents are really not abusive. This can be devastating for non abusive parents and siblings of the defiant teen, but the teen really doesn't care. Some parents actually begin to fear their teens. The parents now live with the constant threat of being reported to the authorities. This fear basically ties the parents hands when it comes to disciplining their children, or establishing any order in the home.

Parent Abuse

In some homes the tables are completely turned and the teen begins to physically abuse their parents. I have spoken with parents that are so afraid of their teen that they lock their bedroom door when they go to bed at night. Some parents aren't afraid of physical abuse from their teen but they lock their bedroom door when they leave so their teen won't steal their possessions. Once the teen gets involved with drugs they need to find a way to pay for their habit. At first the teen will “borrow” money from family and then begin to steal from them. Once these avenues are exhausted the teen usually resorts to selling drugs to finance their own habit. It is surprising how many parents didn't realize the danger their teen was in prior to placement in a program. When the teen is enrolled in a boarding school or boot camp they will usually begin to enlighten their parents about their previous life style. It is important for parents to know everything their child has done. Most parent's are shocked when they find out how deeply entrenched their teen was in the drug world and illegal activities. Sometimes the teen is caught selling drugs and is arrested. This can also be an eye opening experience for the parents. Obviously it is better to interrupt the negative behavior before the youth is arrested and becomes entangled in the legal system. The new convicted drug dealer will now have a difficult time gaining employment, and will have to work to get the record expunged, if that is even possible. It is always better for parents to seek help a little too early than a little too late.