Positive Feedback: Can Toxic Shame Stop Someone From Being Able To Accept Positive Feedback?

When one gets to a point in their life when they have achieved something significant, there will be everything they have done in order for this to take place. Therefore, this wouldn’t have been something that just happened.

Looking Back

One could find that it has taken them a number of years, or it might even have taken even longer. During this time, they may have done something every day, and this would have meant that they were unable to put their feet up, so to speak.

But if this wasn’t the case, they may have still had to do something at least a few times a week. It was then something that took over their life, or it was something that took a lot of their time.
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Then and Now

When one was putting their time, effort and energy into this, they may have received a lot of feedback from others. They may have told them how well they are doing, and that they need to keep going.

And now that they have archived what they set out to achieve, they could tell them how well they have done. In fact, this could be a time when one will be showered with compliments.

The Same Response

One would then have been only too happy to hear people say these kinds of things when they were working towards their goal. As a result of this, it would have been possible for one to accept what these people said.

And as they were this way during this time, it is highly likely that they will be the same now that they have achieved their desired outcome. If one was to take a step back and to reflect on what these people are saying, they could believe that they deserved to be treated in this way.

A By-product

One would have put the work and in did what they needed to do to get to where they are, and the people around them are simply recognising this. It is not as if one has been sitting around and these people are providing them with feedback that they don’t deserve.

And if one was to come across someone who was working hard to achieve something or if they had already got to this point, they could respond in the same way. One is then simply commenting on what they see, as opposed to saying something for the sake of it.

Everyday Life

In addition to what one will hear from other people when it comes to something like this, there will also be what they hear each day. This can relate to how they look, what they do for others, and what they do at work, for instance.

For example, one could put a lot of effort into their appearance, and other people could tell them how smart they look. When this happens, one could thank them for taking the time to let them know.

Another Experience

Yet, while this is how some people will respond when they receive positive feedback from others, there are going to be people who respond differently. Instead of being able to accept what they hear, they could end up keeping it at bay.

One could then achieve something or make someone a meal, but they won’t be able to internalise what is said to them. They could end up laughing or say that they haven’t done anything special.

Downplay

If they were to behave in this way, it could cause other people to wonder what is going on. One will be acting as though they haven’t done anything, and as though they don’t deserve to receive this kind of feedback.

Alternatively, one could come across as though they are able to accept positive feedback from others. But although they will come across in this way, what they hear won’t penetrate their mind.

Straight In

On the other hand, one could find that this is not something that takes place when they receive negative feedback from others. If someone was to put them down in some way, the doors of their mind could open instantly.

This could be something that happens naturally, and one is then not going to need to think about whether it is true or not. Through being this way, it is likely to show that one doesn’t value themselves.

Going Deeper

If one was to get in touch with how they feel, they could find that they feel worthless. So, by feeling so low, there is going to be no reason for them to accept positive feedback from others.

As this is what is taking place within them, it is not going to be a surprise for them to accept negative feedback from others. This is what will feel right, and there will be no reason for them to resist it.

What’s going on?

When one experiences life in this way, it can be due to what took place when they were younger. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected, and this would have caused them to experience toxic shame.

Their whole being would have been seen as being flawed, and there wouldn’t have been anything they could do about it. Time has then passed, but what took place all those years ago is still defining how they experience life.

Awareness

Ultimately, there is no reason for them to feel this way, and this is because there is nothing wrong with them. Even so, this is how one is experiencing life, and what is taking place within them needs to be acknowledged.

And if one only focuses on what is taking place in their mind and ignores what is going on in their body, they may find that nothing happens. If one has the desire to move forward, they may need to work with a therapist.