Love is a state that exists within you and someone else triggers that state so that you fall in love. How does that psychological process work?
“Can you think of someone in your life who instantly brings a smile to your face or a warm feeling inside of you? “
One such person for me was my high school drama teacher, Mr. Niven. He was hailed as a great director because of the plays and musicals he produced. What truly made him great though were his teaching abilities. There was a magical quality about him that brought out the best in almost everyone in the class. He created the safe place for the drama students whereby we felt that we could freely express ourselves on stage. And that was the key: he brought out in us that which already existed in us. All he had to do was to tap into our talent. He didn’t make us great actors -he brought out the great actor within each of us. Thus, we had great admiration for him and a strong bond, connection, affinity and affection for him.
This story is an analogy to explain that when you find the person who knows how to trigger within you that state or feelings which already exist within you, then you fall in love.
There are four steps in the process that lead to falling in love:
1. The meeting
3. Building comfort
4. Associating and attaching positive emotions to the other person
The meeting Let’s imagine you are in a bar or restaurant. You meet someone and your eyes connect. There is an attraction. You enjoy looking at the person. The smile or glance is irresistible and now he or she starts to talk with you. There is something about the voice or something about the accent that excites you. Maybe the words they are using stimulate you.
Acceptance Within the conversation, you talk about interests, hobbies, dreams, desires and you begin to feel accepted by this person. He or she might even use the words “I like you.”
Building comfort One of you will begin to open up and share personal stories about past pains and joys. The other person may also respond in the same way or not. Either way, you feel safe enough to begin to express yourself. You begin to create a level of trust and sincerity.
Associating and attaching positive emotions to the other person You now feel good about the other person and yourself. You feel confident and you go out on dates with this person and you are having a lot of fun. Maybe you are on a rollercoaster ride together, taking strolls on the beach, watching movies or just hanging out. You now are experiencing lots of pleasure and positive emotions. And you believe those emotions are directly attributable to that person and so you unconsciously associate pleasure and ecstasy with that person. Soon, you begin to crave that person and you feel in love.
How did this happen?
It is a part of human behavior and neurology that we automatically associate and attach those positive emotions to the person who was with us when we experienced the emotions. And the more intense the experience, the more deeply we associate and identify that person with those emotions.
For example, you will remember that rollercoaster ride with that person for a very long time because it is an intense emotional experience. Thus, the more time that you spend around this person, and the more positive emotions you have with this person, the more you will associate pleasure and joy with him or her. You then feel that you are in love.
The positive intense emotions of pleasure, joy and ecstasy become synonymous with that person and when you think of joy, you think of him. When you think of happiness you think of him. When you feel ecstasy you think of him. When you think of affection you think of him. That’s how you fall in love.
Many teens often fall in love with pop stars and celebrities because of the fantasy created in their mind as they attach positive emotions and expectations with the pop star or celebrity. The same fantasy occurs with people engaged in online dating prior to their first meeting. The excitement of the anticipation of the meeting and the potential joy and fun cause the body to release hormones and chemicals that create a state of euphoria.”
I am a Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert. I provide weight loss hypnosis programs and many other Hypnosis programs.