Women make relationship mistakes too; after reading this article, you'll no longer be able to pretend that it's all your soon-to-be-ex boyfriend's fault.
Let me guess- you had some great times together-just you and him against the world. He soon became your first thought in the morning and your last before you went to sleep. Hell, your father even liked him. In your wildest dreams, you'd never imagine that your most ideal relationship would have such a short shelf life.
But then, it started happening: the passion began fading. Between the considerable drop in phone calls to the obvious increase of his selfishness in bed, you can't help but wonder if his kisses are obligatory in nature. It doesn't even seem as if he likes you on most days. Clearly, you are not appreciated for the confident, sexy woman you used to be.
You really feel a sense of loss now, but you are reluctant to admit to anyone what you fear the most. Could he have distanced himself because you did something to push him away? In public, you acknowledge that you both have fallen into a rut, and you attribute most of the problems to his immature and insensitive behavior. Mostly, you wonder what went wrong. What did you do that turned him off? Are you destined to repeat the same pattern in your next most ideal relationship? If you are unwilling to ask for his honest feedback, be willing to consider the notion that you could have made one or more of the following mistakes.
Relationship Mistake # 1: Your jealousy (even if justified) was unnecessarily and repeatedly put on display. Maybe you were never the jealous type before. There was just something about him and all of those female names in his Blackberry that made you insecure enough to search his Facebook page for evidence- ten times in one hour. Oops! Could he have downloaded some kind of software program that tracked all those visits to his page? Regardless, your relationship with him took you to a very dark place that did quite the number on your self- esteem that he didn't find appealing.
Relationship Mistake # 2: You made him too important: Somehow, you went from the woman who could sit happily in an hour-long silence, easily entertained by her own delicious memories of recent dates to the one who could barely last five minutes without checking her phone for his text? And the crying after two Pinot Noirs- when did that become a common occurrence among friends?
In an effort to please him, you lost a part of yourself. Whether you gave up playing the violin or physically let yourself go, you no longer have some of the very characteristics that sparked his initial attraction. It's okay if you become angry as you start realizing all the ways you sacrificed your individuality for him.
Relationship Mistake # 3: You gave him too much too soon: The physical and emotional intimacy was too much for him. You barely knew each other for twenty- four hours when you disclosed the number of guys you slept with. Then, one thing lead to another. Before you even knew his middle name, your pink toothbrush was permanently renting space next to his own. At first he thought the routine texts and goodnight calls were cute, but now every time you get close he's gasping for air like an asthmatic child.
If any of this damage has been done, there is probably not much you can do. Your best option: accept his invitation to take a break and try to learn from these relationship mistakes to prevent them from haunting you in the future.
Rachel Russo MS, MFT is an “It” Girl on a mission to save the world--one relationship at a time. For the past seven years, Rachel has worked as a Matchmaker, Dating & Relationship Coach, Writer, and Speaker in NYC. She is the founder of StatusMakeover.com and is self employed as a coach who helps marriage-minded singles and couples everywhere fall in love with their love lives while she falls in love with hers!
With a BA in Psychology from Rutgers University and an MS in Marriage & Family Therapy from Iona College, Rachel has serious credentials for helping diverse people find and maintain self- love and a love for others. In addition to having worked in the dating industry for several agencies, Rachel has published a book,A FabJob Guide To Become a Matchmaker and many articles on dating and relationships. She is also Ms New York for 3six5dates.com and has went on 92 dates in a year and blogged about them.