Removing The Holdiay Stress From Your Life

For many people, the holiday season is not necessarily a happy or joyous time. It can be stressful dealing with family emotions and holiday preparations - shopping, cleaning, decorating, wrapping, baking, attending holiday gatherings- you get it. Because of all the added duties, our stress level increases and our coping skills make a fast exit. Identifying the specific triggers will help you with the solutions to making your holidays more enjoyable. The key is for you to be in control and not the holiday having control over you.

How many of us feel that these holiday traditions are things we “have to do”? The first step to getting control would be to ask yourself what really needs to be done and what you can let go. Make a list separating the necessary things from what you would “like to get done” if time permits. Take it another step and think about the pros and cons of each item and begin crossing them off the lists altogether.

Plan Ahead
Planning ahead will go a long way in keeping the holiday less stressful. If you always make the mailman a tray of cookies do it earlier, maybe around Thanksgiving. Speaking of which, you want to be sure to take the time to enjoy this special holiday too. Thanksgiving is, of course, the time of year when we should be giving thanks to those we appreciate and love as well as the many other things in our lives we are grateful for. Reflecting on these blessings makes us feel more peaceful and happy.
After you have made a clear assessment of holiday activities, dedicate yourself to making changes. If you are always the host of a gathering and it is one of your stressors, then discuss other possibilities with family members. To reduce time spent on baking, plan a cookie swap with you family and friends.

Another component of planning ahead is to accept your limitations, consider more boundaries for yourself and practice the art of saying “no.” For example, does doing the same old tradition depress you? Then make plans to do it differently. Is there a certain member of the family that makes gatherings hard to bear? Plan ahead for your reaction to negative comments and practice your responses. When you feel that your mother in law is overdoing the advice, thank her for her concern. It may be just that - and planning to change your interpretations toward the positive will help you to overcome negativity. Try using humor to steer the conversation in a lighter direction. Plan ahead for difficult conversations by considering which topics can (and cannot) be discussed.

Split or divorced families can make things even more complex. Try alternating years or see one family at Thanksgiving and the other at Christmas. Some families decide not to go there at all and choose to stay home creating their own traditions. Another suggestion would be to have gatherings before or after the holidays.

Budget Restrictions
On a tight budget? Gift giving is about giving from the bounty that we have and if you don’t have it, you cannot give it. A hand made gift from you is a gift from the heart as well as a help for your budget. Share some of your holiday bake goods. Suggest a gift exchange instead of buying for each individual. Create a certificate for something you know the recipient will enjoy such as a car wash and wax, a day trip that you know they would enjoy, or a card that tells the person how special they are to you. Christmas does not need to come from a department store. Talk to your children before the rush of the season, reassuring them that family is most important and explain why Christmas may be a little different this year. Plan activities that you know they will enjoy instead. A more meaningful activity may change the way you do Christmas.

To Do and Not To Do List
Don’t expect miracles
Do create a plan and stick to it
Don’t overdo it
Do take the time to enjoy the things that make you happy
Don’t make comparisons to the “perfect holiday” or how things should be
Do have real expectations of yourself and others – accepting personalities
Don’t overspend
Do stick to a budget for gift giving, food shopping – consider alternatives
Don’t overdue alcohol intake: keeping a clear head
Do forget the past
Don’t react quickly
Do leave the room when you feel the urge to respond negatively
Don’t forget the reason for the holiday season
Do discuss holiday preparation and plan with your spouse
Remember HALT, the acronym for hungry, angry, lonely, tired and if you feel any one of these stop, take a moment for yourself and rethink what is creating the feeling. Changing expectations and behaviors can make a big difference. Spread a little cheer this holiday season by showing a more relaxed and happier you.