Should I Fight For My Marriage or Let Go: When To Stop Fighting For Your Marriage

I don't believe I have to throw a bunch of statistics at you for us to realize that marriages are failing at a staggering rate. If a marriage lasts more than 5-7 years you are looked like as a marriage guru. Truly our marriages are in trouble.

I believe that our society has watered down the importance of the institution of marriage or the covenant relationship.

God created marriage and he regulates it. In the Garden we see God created Adam and Eve to complement each other. He was in the center of it and put it together. He also asks that we not pull apart what he has put together. Listen to Mark 10:6-9

Mar 10:6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. 7For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; 8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. 9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

In these verses we see that God created marriage. It is no coincidence that the word says he created them male and female. This is the pattern for marriage. God also states that the marriage relationship will be stronger than our longest and most intimate relationship, namely that of our parents. Partners, will leave and cleave to one another, thus becoming one unit.

The marriage relationship will be stronger than any other relationship except for our relationship with God. This is because in marriage two actually become one. Because of this we must fight not only for the kids sake or to preserve our images, but because a piece of us dies if our marriage dies.

Too often spouses fight against each other while trying to win an argument or to get their way. The problem with this is that when one person wins, the other one.....you guessed it.... loses. And if the other loses, the marriage loses.

Pro 5:18 Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice with the wife of your youth. Pro 5:19 As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love.

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Marriages often break down because of unfaithfulness. I know when we think of unfaithfulness the first thought is sex outside of marriage. While that is also the case, unfaithfulness is not limited to just that.

In Revelation 2 we read a report regarding the church at Ephesus. They are given praise as well as admonition. In verse two Jesus states that the church was faithful in teaching, in good works, in doing the things you would expect a church to do. However, he states even though they were doing the right things something was wrong.

Rev 2:4 Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love.

The church was going through the motions doing what they were supposed to be doing. However, Jesus calls them on the carpet because their passion, love, joy was missing.

Many marriages follow the same pattern. They start out hot, passionate, full of love, care and concern. Yet as times goes on, many find themselves in marriages where spouses are just going through the motions. Jesus was not content with the church, his bride, just going through the motions and neither should we.

Luckily, Jesus gives us a powerful remedy for this situation.

Rev 2:5 Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent.

A few takeaways from this verse.

1.) Remember from where you have fallen - it is important that we realize where we are. In order to fix a problem we have to identify and realize we have one.

2.) Repent - Decide to change or make a U-turn. Even if your spouse is unwilling to change you can decide to become the change agent.

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek." Barack Obama

3.) Do The First Works- Here is a very important tool for restoration.

- Doing the first works means doing what you did at first. In the beginning of relationships people normally talk a lot. They want to get to know each other, ask questions, and talk on the phone to the wee hours of the night. They go out to eat, go to see movies, go anywhere just to be with each other. They found out what each others likes and dislikes they are. Why?? because they are after each others hearts!

In the beginning we actually love to serve each other. These make love deposits in one anothers love bank. The more loving actions are deposited, the more love is fostered.

Try doing good deeds for your spouse. Cleaning the dishes, ironing clothes, preparing a nice meal, sending flowers to her job, going out on a date, etc.

This stuff still works. So I encourage you to work it! Fight for your marriage! It is worth it!

God Be With You!

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I am an alcoholic. I have gotten very used to admitting this over the last 15 years. I am powerless over alcohol. I have been sober for 15 years and 37 days. There was a time when alcohol ruled my every waking hour and it nearly destroyed my marriage. This is my story of how saving my marriage actually saved my life.

I have been drinking since I can remember. I am a musician and always knew that I wanted to be a guitarist. If I told you my real name, you would even recognize me. I started my career in the UK in a well-known band. We signed a record deal when I was only 17 years old. It was the life! Booze, women, drugs, you name it; the record company supplied it. What kid in his teens is going to say no to all of that? I actually met a really nice woman who was a fan and within a year I was married to her. We had a few kids and I made some more records. I was a hit! Our marriage was actually pretty solid, or so I thought. One day, out of the blue, my wife kicked me out of the house. It was a shock! I thought things were going fine. I realized things were anything but fine. At first all I wanted to do was worked toward saving my marriage. I hadn't realized how out of control my life had become. It was in saving my marriage that I would so discover how bad things got.

My wife, let's call her Gigi, told me in no uncertain terms that for her to consider saving my marriage - our marriage, the booze and the women had to end, like NOW! I was so out of control that I hadn't even realized I was cheating on my wife and still drinking! I am not lying. I set out on a mission find ways to save a marriage.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

First, I got a therapist. I talked to her every single day. She told me that I was killing myself. In fact, she sent me to a doctor and it was true. I was damaging my liver so much that if I continued drinking, I would be dead in just a few years. She agreed that although saving my marriage was my goal, it would eventually save my life. Gigi saw the changes I was making and although she too was committed to saving my marriage, she knew that I had to actually do most of the work. Her job was in trying to figure out why she stayed with me for 10 long and miserable years. Or maybe they weren't so miserable because she didn't leave and so I guess she too wanted to learn how to save a marriage.

In hindsight, kicking me out of the house was the best thing Gigi would have done. I wouldn't have woken up to the fact that saving my marriage was important to me. I went into rehab, I got better, and one day I noticed that I hadn't had a drink in four months. Gigi saw the changes and invited me back home. It took time but eventually we were back on the road to recovery. We both had to learn step by step how to save a marriage and we did it.

I can also report that the doctor continues to give me a clean bill of health. My liver has returned to almost normal and after more than 15 years sober, I am the healthiest I have ever been. I attend recovery meetings regularly and I thank my wife for sticking with me. Saving my marriage really and truly saved my life. I have a new album coming out this year and my fans never turned their backs on me. If they only knew that almost losing my wife is why I am still here. I owe Gigi my life. She was committed to saving my marriage and my life.

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What one thing can you do to save your marriage when you fear losing your partner? This question reflects on your fear and the desperate desire to turn your distancing partner around. After you have recovered from the shock of hearing, "I'm not sure I love you anymore" you are likely to start to grasp for anything that will end the crisis.

Just as a family member may turn to God to bargain for sparing a dying loved one, you may turn to God to bargain for your marriage to survive. Or you may take matters into your own hand to bargain more directly for the survival of your marriage.

Vanessa describes her reaction to her husband's distancing from the marriage, "I became so focused on saving my marriage that I could think of little else. Even my children took a back seat to the marriage. I sought out every avenue to let my husband know that I wanted to be married to him. I ignored my hurt and worked to be kind, I tried to start conversations and show interest in him, and I pursued sex like never before!"

Unfortunately, Vanessa's efforts did not and will not work. This is because she is not protecting her self-worth in the relationship. She is saying, "I'll give everything and I expect nothing in return." This communicates that you want the relationship at all cost-not a message you want to deliver. You don't want a relationship in which you are diminished and do not receive in proportion to what you give. You deserve a partner that values you and wants to give to you just as you want to give to him.

You can preserve your marriage and offer a message of self-worth. Turn to God for strength, not for magic; you will need strength to weather this storm. You want to preserve yourself as well as your marriage. Sending a message of strength to your partner says that you are worth having a relationship with, while responding desperately sends the opposite message. You can send a message of worth by:

1. Be healthy.
2. Reach out to family and friends for support.
3. Demand respect from your partner.
4. Avoid being manipulative.
5. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
6. Share feelings.
7. Let others know what you need.
8. Avoid abuse of drugs or alcohol.
9. Find ways to have enjoyment.
10. Focus on managing your mood.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

Getting married requires no real planning. A wedding isn't required. In fact, many couples today buy a ring, hop on a plane to Vegas, and, forty-eight hours later, find themselves hitched. It takes being eighteen and twenty-five dollars to say "I do."

The twist to that simplicity comes when you decide to get divorced only to realize that getting out of the marriage will be much harder and more expensive than getting in. You look at your checking account and then you think about the retainer fee the attorney's asking you for and then you consider moving out costs, living separate costs and child support and, before you know it, you have a migraine headache.

It doesn't feel good to wake up one day and realize that all the time, money and energy you invested in this marriage isn't reaping the benefits you'd assumed it would... and now you have to invest more time, money and energy just to get out of it.

So what do you do? It's clear you can't stay in the marriage. It's clear you're going to have to pay to get out of the marriage. Your checking account balance doesn't lie and working overtime, with the kids, is not a viable option. What can you do to get what you want (divorce) without going bankrupt and experiencing a nervous breakdown to do so?

The one thing that will save you the most time, money and heartache: plan.

What is a pre-divorce plan?

A detailed plan of actions, timelines, and strategies prepared six to eighteen months before filing for divorce that gives you the advantage in initiating, responding to, and succeeding through the divorce process.

If you don't have one, get one. If you want the best divorce outcome, having a pre-divorce plan is a requirement.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

Now you can stop your divorce or lover’s rejection...even if your situation seems hopeless! Visit Stop Marriage Divorce

There are specific techniques that will show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your spouse back in your arms- Especially if you are the only one trying... Visit Save The Marriage to find out more.

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