I used to be painfully shy. I remember when I couldn't make eye contact and would walk around my high school looking at the ground rather than at the faces of people coming towards me. I felt like an outsider or observer of life, not a participant. I thought that the world should have come with an instruction booklet and that for some reason I didn't get one.
People who know me now would never know that I am a "recovering shy person." According to Dr. Alexander Avila, at least 40% of all Americans consider themselves shy or have a shy side when it comes to dating. As I read Dr. Avila's book, The Gift of Shyness: Embracing Your Shy Side and Find Your Soul Mate, I am still convinced that I am shy, but not in the socially avoidant way I used to be. I've grown! I can talk easily to strangers. I know how to hold extended conversations. I am at ease in large groups (to a point), but I don't seek them out normally. I still love time with myself and being in large groups for extended periods of time is draining for me. According to Dr. Avila, this makes me a "non-shy introvert." I agree!
What I like best about this book is his new definition of shyness...one that I can embrace and celebrate! Here it is:
"Shyness is a life-enhancing state of extraordinary social sensitivity and profound self-reflection."
He goes on to list the 7 gifts of shy people to be:
At times he cites research to support his points. For example, he says that research has shown that shy people tend to be more monogomous and faithful, more likely to be exclusive daters, are more selective in their dating habits, accept fewer blind dates and tend to know their partners better before dating them. Further, shy people are more sensitive listeners who are able to pick up on both the verbal content and the emotional meaning underlying the message. Shy people also go out of their way to please others. In conversations shy women a convey an attitude of friendliness, interest and politeness.
I also like that he says most dating advice is aimed at the Extraverted Non-Shy population, so it goes against the grain of the Shy Person. Going to bars, singles mixers, parties and loud nightclubs is the farthest thing from a shy person's mind. In fact, most dating advice makes us cringe or feel a sense of despair. According to Dr. Avila, we don't have to change ourselves to attract a SoulMate. We need to capitalize on our natural gifts.
Here's some of his advice for Shy People
-"Being kind is sexy; being compassionate is irresistable."
-Do volunteer work
-Offer to help someone
-Ask for directions or recommendations for a good restaurant
-Bring a book (as a conversation starter) when you go out to dinner by yourself.
-Demonstrate your talents - play the piano, sing, analyze people's handwriting
-Practice flirting on the internet to build confidence
Invite someone to take a walk with you
-Participate in a group regularly...like MeetUps...so that you can have social structure to meet others with similar interests
My realization is that there are eligible people everywhere and you never know when your kind words, helping hand, or smile will be just the thing that will open the door to a new romance. Use your Shy Gifts to find just the right person for you!
Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D.
Dating Coach for Successful Singles
Stop Dating Aimlessly. Start Living Intentionally.
Dr. Annette Vaillancourt loves to manifest. Specifically, she loves to manifest love. She has manifested success in all areas of life and has the know-how and experience to teach others to do the same. Yet it is her particular passion for helping others find rewarding and satisfying romance that has led her to become the Dating Coach for Successful Singles in Saint Louis. As she likes to say, “The Love Doctor is IN!.”
Annette helped couples for over twenty years as a marriage counselor before honing in on her expertise as a dating coach, helping couples break down the barriers and build up the foundation that allows them to manifest the love relationships they want -- from the start.
She brings her playful energy, creativity, uncanny intuition and professional dedication to helping singles find love through the use of the latest and most effective tools available. It’s no wonder that dozens of men and women have put their trust in Annette to reach past their fears, overcome doubt and reconnect to the fun and joy of manifesting a relationship filled with romance and intimacy.
Her work is inspired by the poet Rumi’s line: “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Then Annette knows how to help you remove those barriers and manifest the love you desire and deserve.
And what is true about manifesting love is true about life.
Anyone who knows Annette will say that manifestation comes naturally to her and anything she touches turns to gold. She has lost 70 pounds, cured herself of plantar fasciitis, doubled her income during the recession, and sold her home by herself in a down market. Most importantly, she accomplished these things, not through sweat and tears, but by using the tools she teaches AND having fun all along the way. It makes sense then, that she would share her love of manifesting to help others accomplish similar goals using the secrets that she has learned and employs so successfully.
Starting out as the third of nine children in a blue collar family in rural Michigan, Annette is an inspiring example of personal transformation. Now a successful serial entrepreneur, Dr. Annette Vaillancourt earned her Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from Southern Illinois University at Carbondale. She has been in private practice as a Psychotherapist in Illinois since 1990. In addition to having sterling credentials and an impeccable reputation, Dr. Vaillancourt has sought out additional training in cutting edge mind/body techniques. During the same time, she has presented over 400 workshops and teleseminars continuing to share her knowledge with wider audiences. Turning her attention to another area of interest in 1999, Annette started and ran a web design and SEO business for 10 years gaining clients all over the United States and one in New Zealand. In 2005, she was awarded the National Business Women’s Week Certificate of Recognition. Starting in July 2011, she hosts her own Blog Talk Radio Show, Success-Ability.
Annette currently resides in the St. Louis Metro area. She enjoys playing the violin/fiddle, organizing and hosting several MeetUps for singles, while still finding time to earn a brown belt in Shotokan karate.
Whether you are newly single or still searching for your SoulMate, Annette is committed to helping you achieve your goals and manifest your heart’s desires. She believes in you and your capacity to create the life and relationship you love.