SHYNESS AND LURES
Lure is a word often used in hunting and fishing; it refers to
anything that attracts "with some fallacy" .
It happens that the timid move in a world of lures or signals that trigger his
social anxiety. The social fear is neither continuous, nor appears in all circumstances.
But ... when it appears? What are the lures?
Here we will see the seven most common lures.
HOW WELL I FEEL AMONG MY PEOPLE!
Being of modern man in society leads to feelings of confidence and happiness.
--- "I feel good. My people around me and protect me. Nothing bad will happen to me. "
This is the conception underlying of the human in society. So we are social beings.
The timid as everybody, is in this dimension, but the reality of man is very complex
and here appears the shy to tell us that human contact is ambivalent,
that with social fear is also the social pleasure. This we consider
but today we are talking about the malaise in society.
LURE 1- GAZE
People who are not shy, in the short distance, look straight in the eye naturally,
meanwhile share ideas and emotions. These looks are a fantastic instrument of personal contact.
There are people and specifically women, who plus come in visual contact,
can link their hands, coming thus also into physical contact. In this situation,
with this double contact, they can be highly effective in calming anxieties or to instill value.
They can enter these contacts desolate and leave comforted.
The timid will not establish physical or visual contact so close and prolonged. His emotions are
contained and the benefits of this natural therapy are out of reach. He is not inclined to share his crisis.
He is not as sociable as that.
For many timid the look become a problem, he tends to confront
from a distance and briefly.
The timid is not excluded from the social feelings of complacency by proximity,
alternating wellness with social unrest. Spontaneously will avoid this first
lure of fear social: the gaze.
This lure does not always appear. It does not appear in nice social situations,
but ... this is a weak point and at any time the timid in society
can move from complacency to fear, from the eyes open to look down, suddenly assaulted
by his incorrigible shyness.
Good education requires us to look at who speaks and this rule may turn against him.
The shy, when is forced by social imperatives to confront the look,
will try to be polite while may, will face his look for a while, rather short,
then he will divert the gaze and only he will return to his partner at times ... Caught in this game,
he will seek to end the meeting as soon as possible because this situation disturbs him.
If this lure of social fear has been triggered, the timid will flee as soon as possible.
LURE 2-THE SHORT DISTANCE
In a conversation, the proximity becomes another lure trigger social fear.
The timid is hypersensitive to safe distance and when he feels that it has been
crossed, starts to feel uncomfortable and seeks to keep his partner out of
that distance, something difficult in our culture because the other does not share the same
feeling and, of course, the other knows nothing of this lure that the timid is supporting.
The myopic can remove his glasses to counter the lure and save the situation or
replace his myopic glasses for the reading glasses: everyone has his secret.
LURE 3-THE TIME FACTOR
Often the timid have to endure the discomfort of social contact and to face: he can not slip away.
Then comes into play another lure: the time lure. The timid can withstand the stress for a short time,
but the time becomes a lure in itself and the timid anytime will retire.
Do not tell me how. Perhaps he will be rude although he did not want.
This meeting, when completed, it will not leave the mouth sweet ...
The chiefs and representatives of the authority, the court that examines your ..., represent another
trigger fears. Here the inaction may be worse than the activity: if you can talk or do something,
you can distract your attention from the lure and go out better of this problem...,
provided you do not get to lock you ...
LURE 5- THE GROUP
The face to face may be easier to bear but to face a group, this may be
complicated ... is not the same fight against one or fight against 100.
Against a group the sense of risk increases when there are many who are within your space
of security and social fear is triggered more easily. So the group itself
is another important trigger social fear.
LURE 6 - THE MALE
Highest to lowest, the intimidation power that we support before people is:
a) From male / b) From women / c) From children
The male is the most intimidating because we feel he is who represents the largest
potential danger to us. This does not reflect only the present moment but also
it reflect the consequences that we inherited from our ancestors.
The add of these two influences becomes another lure.
LURE 7- ELUSIVE PEOPLE
The person elusive, shy, angry, closed, unsociable, baffles us. We do not know what
to expect and he become potentially dangerous, precisely because he generates
a uncertainty that does not allow us to control the situation. Also it acts the contagion of emotions.
Joy is contagious and fear too. He is bad and I spread and also I feel bad before him.
The best companion for a shy is not one shy but someone easygoing and jovial: so everything is easier.
Mikel Martinez Ph G
Mikel Martinez, diagnosed schizoid. Was in a religious seminary, from 12 to 25. Graduated in Psychology by the University Complutense of Madrid. His condition has been permanent source of discomfort. Married, no children.
In April 2002 he received the diagnosis: Neurasthenia (ICD-10: F-48) and Personality Disorder Schizoid type (ICD-10: F 60.1) " [degree medium). At 52, with chronic fatigue is removed. He lives in the city where
was born: Bilbao, Spain. His long experience vital as schizoid is in the base of his page