Negativism can easily creep into even the best relationships causing a pattern of negative actions and thoughts to overpower the marriage. The question often asked by couples is “How you can build positive interactions with each other on a daily basis so negativism doesn’t take hold of our relationship?”
All couples at times get themselves on a negative cycle that needs an immediate injection of positive communication. Couples at times forget to focus on the positive elements of their relationship and each other. They try small intermittent actions that do not provide a foundation for consistently positive interactions.
Over the years we have heard advice from thousands of happily married couples regarding the important things you should say to your spouse everyday. These couples communicate effectively on just about every level and have learned how to build positive interactions with each other on a daily basis. As we studied our mountains of interview notes, important lessons emerged.
Here are their recommendations for the five things that you should say to your spouse each day to build positive interactions:
1. I love you. These are the three favorite words of every spouse. It is a simple, direct, powerful, and highly meaningful statement. And don’t fall into the trap of so many couples that say, “Oh, I don’t need to tell him I love him. He knows I do.” Not true! You still must still tell the one you love multiple times each and every day that you love them.
2. I am so lucky to be married to you! If you want to touch the heartstrings of the one you love, tell them this. Just imagine being reminded every day that you are a blessing to the one you share your life with.
3. You look beautiful (handsome)! There is a major truth we have learned over the years – successfully married couples really do find each other attractive. And you know why – because they look for the most positive characteristics in each other in both a psychological as well as a physical sense. Telling each other this daily is a powerful statement of love.
4. I would like your opinion and value our wisdom. Successfully married couples have great admiration and respect for each other. They value each other’s opinion. Their most trusted advisor in life is their spouse. Asking for your spouse’s opinion about issues and acknowledging their wisdom builds a strong bond between the two of you.
5. And finally, every day of your life with the one you love, point out one of their strengths. Try this – “Sweetheart, did I ever tell you how much I admire the positive way you treat others?” Or, “Honey, you have such wonderful patience with the children!” Make sure the strength you highlight is a true strength. Each and every day, highlight one or more of your soul mate’s most positive virtues. Begin a habit of positive interactions with your spouse by remembering to say these five things to the one you love everyday.
For hundreds of practical tips to strengthen your love, get the bestselling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage (Jossey-Bass/Wiley 2010) Available wherever books are sold.
As America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts and award-winning authors, Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz help international audiences answer questions about love, marriage and relationships. With 27 years of research on love and successful marriage across six continents of the world and their own 43-year marriage, the Doctors know what makes relationships work.
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