They are the bane of your social life - ruining your best efforts at attracting women. And they may not even know they're doing it.
Of course you know who I'm talking about, even though we tend not to complain about it or mention it to others - especially women. Especially THOSE women.
Why write about this social situation in the CAREER category? Because most people today who end up married, meet in the workplace, and the five types of dubious women you are going to meet below, are just as likely to be in the workplace, both ruining your chances of finding a wife, as well as ruining your "Work Game" - your career advancement and discovery of a "Mission for Your Life."
Obviously, every man is trained in the corporation to recognize and prevent sexual harassment. And if you are following the latest statistics on men and women in the workplace - and their prodigious growing power - 80% of today's control of consumer spending, and now the MAJORITY of employed positions, as well as HIGHER SALARIES for women compared to male peers, if both are single and without children - the old movie with Demi Moore and Michael Douglas, Disclosure , is more real than ever. You yourself may have been sexually harassed, by strict definition.
See, Disclosure (1994) - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109635/
Sometimes it seems they're doing it on purpose, but you may be surprised to find that it's actually normal and natural for some women to block you from socializing with other women. Whatever the case, you walked into a social venue looking to make new connections, find new women to date, and several minutes (or hours) into a compelling conversation with a stunning woman, you look down finally at her left hand, only to discover that there's an engagement ring there. Or worse - there isn't, but she just now first mentioned how wonderful her fiancee is as the place is starting to turn off the lights...
These are the five women who will ruin your game wittingly or not, and you will need to have five strategies for dealing with them. This way they can go home feeling they've made a new "friend" in you, and you can move on quickly, and without resentment.
1. The Attention Vampire
Oh, you already know exactly the type. She is beautiful perhaps, but more importantly, what gets her under your radar are all the "signals" she sends out that she is available and single. You actually check her hand to see that yes, she does appear single. No ring. And the allure of her flip of her hair as she gazes at you, a smile slowly spreading across her face, and that sexy look of her head angled down, but her eyes directly fixed on you, entices you to start a conversation.
It goes well for a few minutes, enough to intoxicate you and make you forget your friends who are about to leave, forget all the other men who are competing for her attention, and forget your common sense as a man.
Before you know it, she has danced with three other men in between brief bursts of nonchalant conversation with you - just enough to keep you on the hook.
She doesn't even leave with another man. She leaves with her girlfriends, but not before one of them chirps back in your direction: "Better luck next time."
What It Means
Women have a natural instinct to feel good about themselves through the attention of men, and each other.
They dress for each other, groom for each other, but put themselves out there as available at times - whether they are or not.
This instinct (and all the attraction signals they send out) are fully covered in the Omega Male Program at http://www.menspsychology.com/courses/miwomen - on the full span of sexual attraction and human courtship.
The upshot of it all is that it's normal and natural for them to enjoy attention, to experience a "bump" in femininity level (which makes them feel good about life and who they are), but it's their full perogative to join in idle conversation with anyone they please, and for any reason they please.
What's NOT normal is when there is a pathological need for attention, misleading information (like taking off a wedding ring), and it becoming obvious that she is holding you up from meeting women who ARE available once she picks up on that agenda.
She may then ruin your game because she is a "social vampire." And that doesn't necessarily mean that she is a cruel or mean person. It may simply be that she is working on her own self-esteem (no matter how beautiful she is), may have just suffered a breakup, or may be overly dependent on her friends for emotional support. So she goes along with the "crowd mentality" and for all intensive purposes, isn't available for dating - but IS available for filling up on your attention only.
Flip this to the work environment, and you'll have someone who at the very least may keep you chatting when you really ought to be getting to get productive for the boss.
What to Do
When you encounter a woman in this state of socializing, you may only discover it late into conversation, and that may spur you to feel resentful over the interaction. It's therefor best to recognize it early, and there are a few signs we cover in the Omega Male Program:
• She seems to gaze at you, but her eyes wander to other men every few seconds
• She is very friendly, but in equal amounts to other men she clearly doesn't know
• She keeps looking at her watch or phone, even though your conversation has gotten very sexy
• Her friends don't allow you privacy with her (which they WOULD if they knew she was available for dating)
Spot these, and you might be on your way to more available women. But before you leave, don't be resentful, or curt. Interrupt her - because YOUR time is just as valuable as hers - but say, "It's been delightful, but I have to go over to my friends. Maybe see you again sometime?"
This speaks "woman language" - the importance of friends being paramount - but also addresses her need to feel important and desired, or appreciated.
Then if you DO see her again, she might be free and available for dating with you, SPECIFICALLY, and will have more respect for you the second time around.
2. The Engaged Woman in Transition
This is a very common one, especially if you socialize in an urban area where there are numerous bachelorette parties or "hen parties" that are tough to distinguish from other large groups of socializers.
You've chosen a happening place to meet new people, and have had some fair interactions with women so far, but suddenly, there's one who really smiles widely at you. It's crowded so you don't see much but her face, though you notice she is wearing a sleek, black dress and has a nice body.
Fair enough. You enjoy the lucky happenstance. She seems to like you.
The conversation is interesting, sometimes intellectual in a way that you aren't used to some women in your area engaging in, and this makes her stand out even more. There's a sexy hesitation in her voice - pauses between compliments she gives you, and a flirtatious fluttering of her eyes when you return the compliments.
And when you ask why it is that she likes your shoes so much, she says, "Well they are exactly like the ones my fiancee wears" - just as you see her ring for the first time. The one on the hand that was so seductively caressing the small of her back.
By now, you're an hour in, and the other women in the place - her friends included - appear to have already paired up with other men.
What It Means
Women bridging between the world of singledom and marriage do not do so in one fell swoop. It's a long process of adjustment, comparison, and saying goodbye to old habits, places, and sometimes even friends if we get honest.
In times past, "engagement" was in part for this reason - to make an adjustment in lifestyle, as well as to check out the other person we consider marrying - a process that was once called "courtship" and is fully laid out in all its scientifically sound steps in the Omega Male Program. It's a good way to understand not just your own process of intimacy with a woman, but also to understand her mind going through the process.
One of the things in that program is that both men and women have instincts and reflexes at work romantically. This means that they aren't aware most of the time as to what drives their behavior. And so the engaged woman in transition likely doesn't know this:
• That part of her wants to compare her fiancee to other men, to be "sure that she's sure"
• That part of her is still, and may always be attracted to a certain "type" of man, which you may also be
• That part of her still wants to be able to befriend, connect with, and learn from other men, even though she is getting married
All of this adds up to many engaged women being honest and friendly - more so than the "Social Vampire" for sure - but still unwittingly ruining your game, and spending your time resources on that which will not be available to you.
Flip to the work environment, and similarly, you will find that you ought to be spending your time productively rather than talking about the wonders of the wedding ceremony.
What to Do
Don't resent. Consent.
When a woman is "extra friendly," let your radar go up for engagement rings, and make an extra effort to spot them. Ask for her hand in the dance. Ask for her hand to read her palm. Ask for her hand to give a name to her nail polish (and be creative, like "Marriage Brown".)
Women take it as a compliment when you say you think they are married. It's a mark of status and attraction to them even if it can be a turn-off to you, so compliment away while secretly intelligence-gathering.
And when you go on your "merry way" to meet available beauties, she can go on her "marry way" with the lovely compliment you whisper: "Congratulations. He's lucky, because you'll be the best wife a man could have."
Then, please do release her hand...
3. The Female Liar-Cheater
She is a more toxic situation than even the Social Vampire. She knows full-well what she is doing, and
there are some specific features of the social scenario to look out for.
Soon after being drawn in by her naughty look, you discover that she's in town on business and "doesn't have anyone to hang out with."
"Do you have any recommendations?"
The only truth you will hear is that she is in fact, in town on business, since the recent studies on infidelity are showing that both males and females cheat more because of the distance and freedom that air travel for work creates.
See the film, Up in the Air, for a vivid depiction:
What It Means
Women are driven by the same unconscious forces that men are - to survive and to reproduce is the agenda of the instincts whether they be masculine or feminine. And at some time in the distant past, males and females would mate with multiple partners without the moral restrictions of the civilized cultures we now live in.
As a result, we have moved onward to higher, more mature romantic processes, but the old "animal instincts" still rest deep within us - ready to act without our knowing what hit us - especially in times when there is:
1. Too much opportunity - like business travel
2. Too much alcohol - which is common more and more
3. Too much temptation, with too little risk of being caught
One thing that we cover beyond the courtship steps of the Omega Male Program is that both men and women have what are called "personal boundaries" - something that lets us keep our wild instincts in check, do the right thing by others, and also to keep our word with those to whom we have pledged it.
This skill at boundaries - building them in your own character, and recognizing strengths and weaknesses in them in others - are highlighted in bold in the MindOS Mastery Program.
The upshot is that females cheat on their partners at only slightly less a percentage than males do - from 5-15% - a number that is dropping to identical amounts with each passing year of research.
In the workplace, utterly AVOID this woman, and if it's your boss, use the technique called Vague Friendliness that I talk about in the Mature Masculine Power Program.
What to Do
Simple. Spot this for what it is. Women are rarely alone. They always have friends with them socially, and when a lone woman approaches you, that may feel good, but you need to screen for this Up in the Air scenario, and abruptly excuse yourself before you get seduced into what you may regret just hours later.
Through the Omega Male Program, you can more than master the basics of approaching women without them having to be the ones to approach you first.
It's not being male or female that makes someone a bad person, a liar or a cheater.
It's the LACK OF BOUNDARIES AND MATURITY - male OR female.
4. The "Manhater"
She has a "tom-boy" presence, an attractive thing about her that makes you feel like you are with "one of the guys" at first. She has a wit and sarcasm to match her looks, and the intellectual banter attracts you at first.
No ring. Check.
The competitive conversation has a way of both annoying you, but also sucking you in deeper - the spirit of winning this slow-growing argument offers you a chance to shine, impress her, and entertain your buddies.
But before you know it, your time has been eaten, and the debate turns ugly.
Maybe it was the joke you told, or the look on your face as you delivered your retort to her views on "who pays for first dates," but something in you now realizes things have gone all wrong. You don't know what it is you did, but suddenly she doesn't like you, her friends don't like you, and your friends have faded into the crowd to start their own conversations.
You've been made victim to the "Manhater" type of game-ruiner.
What It Means
It's easy to forget in the day of youtube videos and Paris Hilton, that we do NOT in fact, intimately know what amount to strangers.
When you meet women for the first time out on the town, they are STRANGERS and you need to remember that.
Strangers have troubles, challenges, recent job losses and breakups. Above all this, we have no idea what kind of boundaries or maturity they have.
As a result, women with low self-esteem, flagging femininity and passion for life, and all manner of personal issues might also be very physically stunning and visually enticing.
They need to be given the space to feel bad about life, but not at YOUR cost.
In the workplace, you can't avoid her, and can't befriend her. The best thing to do is always bridge the conversaiton to THE CUSTOMERS, or THE CLIENTS, as explained in the Mature Masculine Power Program.
What to Do
Screen women for boundaries and maturity EARLY in an interaction by noticing several things about them:
• They are respectful, not disrespectful - they have manners and common graces
• They give equal time in conversation - they are as interested in your views as you are in theirs
• They treat their friends well, but also have a sense of personal space and privacy
• They are neither "bossy" nor "doormats" in expressing their opinions or going after what they want
Armed with these "boundary screens" from MindOS Mastery, you are geared up to spot Manhaters who could ruin your game.
Beat the conflict by leaving it a better man that the person they are, by OUTDOING THEM IN COURTESY.
Apologize, state that you don't know what's been going on for them to be so angry, but truly wish them well.
Don't propose meeting again though. It will be a long time before they are fit for a rich dating life, at least with YOU.
5. The "Dingbat"
I notice that in the process of crafting this article, that there are some pretty derogatory phrases I'm using to describe the "5 Women Who Will Ruin Your Game."
There is just a little twinge of worry that a Vampire, or Manhater could in fact, read this. Yet if you think about it, an avalanche of articles about "bad men" are written every day when it comes to dating, relationships and everything else.
Again, it's not being male or female that causes us to do wrongful things, treat others with disrespect, or leave them feeling bad about themselves, but a LACK OF BOUNDARIES. And women are just as susceptible to having poor boundaries as males are.
What's more, because we all have unconscious instincts in us, it's often likely that we say or do things that are really not to the tastes of others, or don't suit what they want to do with their time, all of it just a mismatch between what the man and woman are interested in with their social time.
This type of "game-ruiner" is definitely in that category.
There's nothing "wrong" with her as a person. She loves life, is happy, artistic, interesting (at first), but someone who kind of wanders around in her own mind (and her social venues) without enough of an agenda to really, REALLY know what she wants in a man.
She is likely a LOVER PERSONALITY in my KWML Mastery Program materials you may have encountered.
You meet her - she's soft, and uber-feminine, beautiful. Her expressiveness emotionally entices you because it's so honest and free - more so than some women you've met.
She's not engaged, not married, not a mean, cruel person. She's the opposite - a true "old soul" and the kind of person who is supportive of everyone she knows.
On top of that did I say she's beautiful?
She says something quirky and funny, and you are hooked in conversation immediately. She's so approachable.
There are no friends of hers that interfere with your little romance. In fact, they seem to be cheering it on from afar! All is good!
An hour passes, and you've talked about so many things - compared likes and dislikes in music, politics, careers, but...
An hour has passed, and you aren't getting the vibe that she has a passionate, sexy interest in you.
Soon, your interest is fading, and it doesn't seem like she's given any chance to ask for a number, plan a date...
It fizzles as the lights go out, and she says it's been great talking to you.
You leave, scratching yoru head about how a convo with such a cool, interesting and beautiful woman could fizzle like that.
And burn yet another night of your social life without any chance of a date.
What It Means
Lover personalities are creative and somewhat disorganized. The KWML Mastery Program lays this out for you vividly - how to spot them, how to communicate, what to do.
Unfortunately for them, and for you, they may not have spent a great deal of time learning the details of how to flirt, how to be sexy (on purpose), how to clue in a man to their interest in you romantically (which she might ACTUALLY FEEL but not express overtly)... and so they can be very difficult to reach in that special way that directly puts them on notice: YOU WANT THEM.
If you yourself are not the most direct guy in the world, dancing around the place in the mating game may be a fruitless endeavor with these types.
In the workplace, a friend is a friend, and that is good to have. You will need to manage her boundaries and any appearance of "too much friendliness," lest it look like you two are an item (and she gossips as if that's the case.) Make your status with each other clear - NON-ROMANTIC.
What to Do
Instead of getting frustrated, know this: They make wonderful friends, and will be valuable to have in your life. So be kind, courteous, and interested if you are.
Get your game face on right and plan ahead to see your socializing in efficient terms - purposely limit the length of your conversations if that can be done with natural transitions. So this type of person will remain a friend of yours without spending a whole night of your time.
From there, the friendship may blossom into a romance as she musters the strength to speak out more boldly to you about how much she likes you romantically.
She will also feel more comfortable knowing you as a friend first before hopping into the sack too quickly.
The KWML Mastery Program shows the way to spot the four kinds of personality in women - how to communicate to them, what their social tendencies are, and how to find more than just a date with them.
How to find a GIRLFRIEND.
In this way you may discover that a woman who only seemed like a dingbat is a perfect match for you down the road - she was just shy. And a Warrior Female - who only SEEMED like a Manhater, was in fact, the woman of your dreams.
The self-awareness that psychologists call Observing Ego is in fact a scientific definition of "being cool" or "keeping your cool." It's in the MindOS Mastery Course, and really is your starting point on any personal growth - including stopping those who may tend to "ruin your game."
Paul Dobransky, M.D. is a board-certified psychiatrist, public speaker and relationship expert who has treated more than 10,000 patients in 15+ years in clinical psychiatric care. Journalists and clients worldwide have sought Dr. Paul's advice on dating, relationships and all aspects of human psychology.
Dr. Paul pioneered MindOS, a new, patent-pending approach to understanding relationships, mood problems and stress. MindOS synthesizes all schools of therapy into a single, effective system-based approach that uses plain language to help people understand psychology and solve problems. Go to http://www.menspsychology.com/ to learn more.