Are you concerned about your daughter's self-esteem? Do you worry that she may not be happy? Does she seem to have a non-focused energy around her? Has she shut down lately? Is communication getting more difficult? Are you wishing you still felt the connection with her like you did before she hit her tween/teen years?
If you answered yes to even one of these questions; my friend, you are not alone...Most of us have been there.
I believe the best way to help our young girls is to help YOU. We as parents can be very hard on ourselves. We never feel like we have done enough. There simply isn't enough time to fit it all in. One day we look up and our little girl is right around the corner from being 13! Where did all the time go?
What about these thoughts, do they sound familiar?
"Why isn't my daughter like hers, she is always happy? Her daughter grabs the world by the tail, she gets good grades, she’s never in trouble. They have a great relationship. They do everything together. They can laugh, joke and shop without getting into it. What is going on with me and my daughter?"
Well if you know me or have been following my life work, you know I have a bit of personal insight into this...Click here to listen.
As a mom, your personal mind set is your key - your magic wand...YES, I did write that. See, we all have mind chatter, lots of it. Most of it we don't even consciously realize that we are listening to it . What is yours saying?
Here is a list of sample sabotaging thoughts that have inhabited your brain:
• Sometimes, if you're really honest with yourself, you may feel you are not "enough" as a parent.
• You often use excuses, usually about time and money for not taking advantage of opportunities that are right in front of you to spend one on one time with your daughter.
• You sometimes operate from a fear mentality keeping yourself from asking her questions.
• You regularly focus on what's lacking in your life, rather than on what you want.
• You allow fear of rejection and failure to get in the way of taking action.
• You look at your existing situation instead of focusing on your dream.
• You gave up your own dreams a long time ago.
• You may be putting too much focus on the negative influence in your surroundings especially the news media or what others around you are saying.
• You look at what others around you are doing to set your own benchmarks.
• You don't listen to your intuition as much as you should.
• You sometimes back away from uncomfortable situations that represent opportunities for your own growth.
• You aren't willing to speak the truth about your hidden behaviors.
• You numb yourself or stay too busy or scattered to fully receive your inner guidance.
• You don't realize how your beliefs are creating your reality.
• You are not clear enough on your own life purpose.
• You don't always have enough confidence in yourself.
• You don't take enough personal responsibility for your results, sometimes blaming certain circumstances or situations for what you don't have yet.
• You're afraid of investing in yourself for fear of losing money.
• You don't always trust yourself to make the right decision, so no decision often feels like the better option.
• You get frozen in your fears and stop taking action.
• You may be embarrassed or have shame about certain aspects of yourself or your life and that stops you from seeing yourself as being worthy of having it all and being a great parent.
Now what do we do with all this? “What does changing our own mindset have to do with creating a good relationship with my daughter?”
Let me tell you something. She knows exactly what you are thinking…She has felt your thoughts since she was still in the womb. And for those of you who have adopted your precious ones…she knows you as well as if she was born from you. Your energies have collided since the very first day you set eyes on her. You are her rudder. During the very best of days and for the days filled with anguish and fear. You cannot keep secrets from your kids…No how – No way!
Now if you are feeling a bit uncomfortable with yourself and life as you know it. She is feeling it too. You teach her everything, including the bad stuff. Now of course not on purpose…She watches your every move, your facial expressions. She measures herself and progress by your reactions. Now as a tween she knows you and how you tick, better than anyone else. Now read this: She loves you anyway. Even if she isn’t acting like it at times…She loves you anyway. The same way you love her anyway! Yes, really!
Now, how do you go about changing your mind set and learning the Mother/Daughter Code of Conduct?
Kelly Marquet is a respected career coach, consummate entrepreneur and founder of Legacy 4 Kids Foundation. In addition she is the outspoken author of the forthcoming book Sniffing the Ditch: When Your Daughter Chooses the Dark Side, a unique guide to personal and parenting success that offers a new code of conduct for today’s mothers and daughters. Determined to build a community of women with abilities to create positive change, Kelly's focus is to end mother/daughter conflict. We as women have the magic wand. It is time we as mothers and women step up and learn the code of conduct and teach our daughters the secret handshake to change the world.
“She’s feminine, decisive, and loving. She has an e-program, a line-up of chic experienced experts to help you ESCAPE Teen Crisis, and she offers personal coaching sessions.