As much as I need my alone time I don't like to be alone.

Let me backtrack. A few months ago, on a Friday night, I found myself alone. My son was at his Dad’s house and my boyfriend was at band practice. I decided I was going to have a great night even if I was alone. I would eat a healthy dinner and catch up on all the reality TV the 2 boys would never watch with me. Sounded like a great night. I ate my dinner, put on my PJs, and settled in for a night of reality TV. I ended up falling asleep early into my evening and woke up around ten o'clock feeling out of sorts. Without even realizing what I was doing, I started eating chocolate, one piece after another. I ate so much I became sick to my stomach, but I didn’t stop. I just kept eating. The more sugar I ate, the more sugar I wanted. I just kept shoveling it in. I couldn't get enough...what was happening?

The next morning I woke up feeling sicker than a dog and hating myself more than ever. How could I be so weak? Why did I eat so much chocolate? How could I help others fight the urge to not binge on sugar when I couldn't control my own impulses? After much soul searching and a session with my own coach, I came up with the answer.

Sugar is addicting. A 2009 study by Dr. Serge H. Ahmed, “Is Sugar as Addictive as Cocaine?" published in the journal of Food and Addiction, proved that SUGAR WAS EIGHT TIMES AS ADDICTIVE AS COCAINE. What? Eight times? I had no shot with this stuff. No wonder I couldn’t stop. In my weakened emotional state, the more I ate the more I needed. It made total sense. It wasn’t my fault. I was addicted. When I was blue, sugar made me happy and satisfied. When the euphoria started to fade (and it faded quickly), all I had to do was pop in more sugar (in my case chocolate) and I was returned to my happy place where I felt loved and secure. It was an endless cycle that continued and continued until my belly couldn’t take it anymore, but now I knew why. Sugar is more addictive than cocaine. Not my fault

Ok, so sugar was addictive. Though I might not have known how bad the stuff was for me, I did know that eating so much of it that my belly hurt wasn’t good for me. The bigger question is: why did I reach for it in the first place? Get ready for some extreme vulnerability.

As much as I need my alone time I don't like to be alone.

That lonely, Friday night, all my self-doubt and questions about my life, my choices, and my decisions came flooding back. Friday night was family night and here I was all alone. If I was truly loved why wasn’t I surrounded by family and loved ones? Where were all the people in my life that mattered?

My inner chatter was telling me that I had failed, screwed up and lost all that I valued. After all how much more proof did I need? It was Friday night and I was all alone. No friends, no family, just me, my choices, my decisions and my mistakes. If I had made good choices and decisions I wouldn’t be alone and blue. I was paying for all my choices, decisions and mistakes. They were the reason I was alone. It seemed to me that everyone else in the world was with someone. Only I, who had made bad choices and decisions, was incapable of being loved and so I was alone. My sense of love, security and well-being were being threatened (even if just in my own head).

Instead of using techniques that I had learned when love, security and sense of well-being are feeling threatened, I reached for my old friend, Sugar. I could always count on this sweet stuff to lift my spirits. I reached for that special something that was always my friend, regardless of my bad choices and decisions. Sugar (in this case chocolate) didn’t care. It loved me flawed, imperfect, and damaged. Sugar didn’t judge.

There was only one problem with my non-judgmental friend. The buzz I got from eating sugar didn’t last very long. For the first few minutes it helped me forget that I was being punished. It just brought me sweet bliss and helped me forget. Seconds later the bliss faded and all my self-doubt and inner chatter started up again. This was easy to fix. I just popped another piece of chocolate in my mouth. Sweet love. I felt its embrace. I repeated this over and over and over until I couldn’t eat another drop.

If the night was bad, the next morning was the worst. Filled with self loathing and a green belly, I was one miserable health coach. How could I even call myself a health coach when I couldn’t control my own sugar binges?

After my last sugar binge and a bunch of soul searching, I went back to basics. I remembered a technique I had learned early in my coaching course. It was a practice I used with all my clients and had so much success. It’s called Five Steps to Change and I needed to change this behavior.

1. Step Back

I needed to Step Back and realize one night alone didn’t make me a bad mom, girlfriend or sister who had made poor life choices. It meant ONE NIGHT ALONE… Nothing more nothing less.

2. Let Go

I needed to Let Go of all that chatter. The one that told me I had made terrible choices, decisions and mistakes and that was why I was alone. Sure I had made some bad choices, but I had also made some great choices and decisions. In fact, my life was amazing. I had to remind myself it was ONE NIGHT ALONE... Nothing more nothing less.

3. Say Yes to Self

I needed to Say Yes to Self. It was ok to feel lonely and sad (even if only one night). I needed to be gentle with myself when I was alone. I didn’t always have to be tough. I needed to allow myself to be sad and lonely.

4. Take Empowered Action

Ahhhh…this one was key. Empowered Action didn’t mean eating so much chocolate I couldn’t move off the couch. Empowered Action meant loving myself by getting a massage, taking a warm lavender scented bath, or calling up my best friend in Buffalo for a good chat about nothing. Empowered Action meant: I needed to do something to make myself feel better, not self sabotage.

5. Set Up Accountability

I knew sugar wasn’t the answer. I knew the next day I’d feel crummy with sugar overload and would do nothing, but lie on the couch. I knew I would pay the entire next day for a sugar binge that didn’t make me feel loved, or secure. I needed to Set Up Accountability. Did I want to eat all this chocolate? Did I want to feel sick to my stomach and be filled with self loathing? Could I make myself feel better without using sugar as a crutch? Only I could answer.

I would like to tell you I will never eat sugar to self medicate again, but I can’t do that. I have some big things heading my way (the biggest one is my son’s departure for college in a year) that could easily set me up for some major self sabotage, but now, I will have to use tools to make better choices. I have the Recipe for Change to help me when I’m feeling sad and lonely and to help me from relying on sugar to cure what ails me. I may not always be successful (I am human), but I feel well prepared to handle whatever life may bring me without relying on my old nemesis sugar. The next time you are feeling sad, lonely, or frustrated, step away from the sugar (or whatever your downfall may be) and try the Recipe for Change. You will be surprised how easily you can make a change, if you just think it through.

Recipe for Change

1. STEP BACK

2. LET GO

3. TAKE EMPOWERED ACTION

4. SAY YES TO SELF

5. SET UP ACCOUNTABLITY

Author's Bio: 

Lori Burger left her Wall Street job exhausted and overweight with a determination to find a better way of living and get that sexy confident feeling back. And did she! Now as a AADP Certified Holistic Health Coach at Greenspiration, she works with clients who are trying to lose weight and find a way to better health - physically and emotionally. Get her free gift 'Five Steps to Getting YOUR Sexy Back' at her website.