Do you know what a rebounder is? This is the term often used for the first man or woman you date after going through a divorce or the break-up of a serious dating relationship. Often a rebound relationship will occur very quickly after the divorce, or perhaps while the divorce process is still ongoing. The idea behind the term is that you are bounding back into the dating scene but aren't actually ready for a committed relationship again.
There is a lot of legitimacy to the term "rebound relationship" because most relationships entered right after a divorce or break-up do not last in the long term. Most times these relationships actually last for just a few weeks or possibly a couple months.
After that period of time it becomes very obvious to the other person that the new divorcee is not ready for a serious commitment, or other aspects of the relationship just don't work for this underlying reason. It is even common for two people newly released from long term commitments to find one another shortly after and use one another to get through the most painful nights of the break up process.
Is This Good?
rebound relationships definitely serve their purpose and they don't all have to be bad. The trick is to recognize what the relationship is when you first consider going into it and then being brutally honest about what you are, and are not, looking for.
The biggest danger with a rebound relationship is that the other person could be under the impression that you are serious about a future with them. If you have just gone through a divorce, chances are high that it's going to be some time before you resolve your lingering emotions and issues from that relationship, and find yourself ready for another serious commitment.
In order to have a healthy rebound relationship you have to be very honest with where you are in your life. You don't need to spill your entire history and all your private business on a first date, but as soon as you realize you will be spending more time with this person or entering a dating relationship or sexual relationship with them, you have to open up and make sure they know that you aren't ready to commit or say "I do" again.
It is comforting to have someone to spend time with while you are going through the loneliness and other painful emotions of divorce. If you can find someone who you can enjoy spending time with and who gives you companionship and perhaps an open ear to help you sort through problems, then you could have a healthy relationship after divorce without it being a serious commitment.
It is difficult for most people to find such a relationship because there has to be something in it for both parties. For you it's about companionship and dulling the pain, but the other person has to be getting something that fulfills them as well. If they are looking for a serious relationship, and you are not, then a rebound relationship with someone who is newly divorced is not going to be fulfilling.
You have to be aware of rebound relationships so that you can recognize it for what it is when it does happen. This way you can give some warning and make sure the other person is on the same page as you.
Vanaja Ghose (http://www.divorcedtodazzling.com) is a
Professional Life Coach helping women who chose to leave their marriage or
long term relationship and now want to powerfully recreate their lives.
Download your FREE mp3 audio on "Nine Steps to Building a New Life After
Divorce" and contact Vanaja for a free 30-minute strategy session at