We've been told that the way to love is pretty linear and straightforward with guys. They take us to a first date, they like us, they make plans and ask us to be exclusive within a month or two, they fall in love and pop the question. Trust me when I say that very often guys don't know how they feel about you in the long run nor do they know what they want. And often the route isn't that straightforward either. That's WHY giving the right impression in the beginning is very important. That's why I don't advise calling a guy up.
In the beginning a man will observe us and wait for "the other shoe to drop." He's on the fence and noncommittal until he gets all the information he needs. When a woman does exactly that too, he's thrown off balance because men are usually more used to "where is this relationship going" kinda talk. He'll be impressed, "hey, she's not desperate." And with that his guard is lowered.
I do think both men and women should gather all the information needed before committing so it's not about playing games. It's not about playing hard to get. A woman should increase her level of difficulty naturally because she has a full life that she enjoys and makes her fulfilled and happy.
In other words, a woman just needs to be an irresistible goddess to come out on top
and make him see and realize, "Hey she makes it so easy to be in relationship with her!" Before he knows it, he's already emotionally attached to you.
No ultimatum needed. Not even a talk "are we exclusive?" or "where are we going?" Let him think all the ideas come from himself because he knows now that somebody else might snatch you away if he doesn't step up to the plate.
The less you are trying to influence him, the higher your value is in his eyes; the more radiant you look to him 'cause oh my that self-worth/esteem in you is just so damn rare in women.
There is no use of forcing or talking a guy into exclusivity anyway when the idea isn't firmly planted in his heart or when he's not emotionally there. The only commitment that works and matters from a man is the one that he feels in his gut. This is why my ex broke off his relationship with his gf and still flirt with me whenever we talk. The sooner you realize you can't control a man, the better for you. Instead working on your desirability factor. Be a woman any guy is willing to lose a limb for. That's the only way to "control" a guy's mind and heart.
What if, you may ask, after you have done all that he still won't commit or move the relationship to the next level? This is where keeping your options open works as your hedge. He never talks about exclusivity, right? So there is no exclusivity between you. Even if he sees you a lot, as a woman you need more. Taking him as he is won't work if you don't have plan B to hedge your bet. While you are being passionate and loving when you are with him, you also need to work on your other options when you are not with him. Be open and available to other men who want the chance to get to know you. Spend time with them. You can be sexually exclusive with him while still being open to other men. This will keep you sane and grounded.
So many women think the guys in their lives are either princes or jerks, but the truth is more frightening and more complicated than that.
To learn further about this concept and how you can practice your inner goddess while living a fulfilling single life until the right man claims you, I outline it on the link below:
This article is one of the breakup series I write. Please check my author page for more articles on the subejct or join me in my ex-back support group and relationship forum for more tips on how to deal with your breakup and how to get yourself on the path of getting your love and your life back. Please also follow me on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/katarina.phang for my daily nuggets of reflections/insights/advice and tips on attracting and maintaining a lasting relationship and fixing a broken one.
Katarina Phang is an author, love/life coach specializing on reuniting couples and curing troubled relationship. She founded a free ex-back support group and relationship forum http://gettheloveyoudeserve.info.