My finances have been in the tank for the last two and a half years. Even through my financial woes, I have been able to manifest a place to stay and have had enough food in my belly, which has enabled me to go through the process of my spiritual awakening. It hasn’t always been easy, but the joys I have experienced from having clarity from a much higher perspective have been worth it…that is until a few days ago.
In the last couple of weeks it was becoming clearer and clearer to me that unless something changed and changed fast I would run out of money for food and the other necessities in life that I needed. That day arrived two days ago. I have been hungry ever since. I can attest it is not a pleasant experience. My situation was infiltrating my every thought until last night when I allowed my fear to take a complete hold of me.
I had just finished with a complimentary 30-minute spiritual life coaching session that I always offer as an introductory meeting to make sure we are a good fit with one another. It went beautifully well and I was pleased that I was able to be of service.
She was staying in a flat that was on one side of Paris and I was located on the other. The journey home would take three hours to walk. Normally, I wouldn’t mind this. I am and always will be an avid walker, but two hours into the trek I began to feel nauseous. I clenched my stomach as the jabbing pains persisted in my stomach. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to make it home before getting sick. I certainly didn’t have the money to take a cab, nor did I have the 1,60€ I needed to take the metro. I had to suffer for the next hour and hope that I would make it home on time.
I was hungry. I was sad from being hungry. I was anxious, because I knew that my negative thoughts were creating my reality. Now, I was about to be sick without having any control of whether or not I made it home first. My sadness was quickly being infiltrated with anger, which would eventually turn into rage.
“How could I have let this happen? Why was I here? I had done an incredible amount of work in the last two and a half years. I AM on the right path. I AM doing what I am supposed to be doing. I AM a writer, reiki master and spiritual life coach. I am here to be of service. I see how I help people every day, whether I am being paid for my services or not. When one fulfills their life’s mission, the abundance is supposed to show up. Why hasn’t it for me? I need a break from this. I am hungry. I need food. I need to buy toilet paper soon. I want to join a gym. I want to take the Anusara Yoga class taught in English that I just discovered. I want to be able to go out to lunch and dinner at café’s everyday like I have for most of my adult life. I want to take French lessons. I want to be of service. I want to help others have the spiritual clarity that I have, via reiki, spiritual life coaching and through my writings. I want my first book to be published, not to mention my second one when it is finished and all the others that will follow. I want to have a permanent home, not bounce around from house to house for trade. I have a home lined up until August 11th and after that I might be living on the streets…What the hell is going on here? Why am I doing all this work, if it’s not paying off?”
As my mind focused on these thoughts, I initially attempted to change them back towards the positive; but truth be told, my mind was having nothing to do with the positive. I began to cry.
Under normal conditions, I would have preferred to wait until I was home to have my emotional outburst, but my mind, body and soul had other ideas. I would cry for much of the next hour, while walking the streets of Paris trying to make it home so that I could at least be ill in private.
Mixed in with the tears I clenched both of my fists tightly. My arms shook my fists in the air as I growled to the Universe my disapproval for my current situation. I hit the palm of my left hand with my right fist a few times. I thought to myself that if the Universe wanted me to be sad and mad now while I was in public then so be it. I am going to display it fully. I was honoring where I was in that moment. At one point my rage grew so intensely I wanted to put my fist through a glass case I saw while walking by. As a pacifist, I was surprised by the intensity of my violent thought. Thankfully, I knew that allowing this notion to come into fruition would not be of service to my well being and I moved on.
Interestingly enough people continued approaching me; not to inquire about my well being, but simply to say, “Hello.” A few people smiled at me as they asked if I might take a survey. It struck me as a curious thing. Why wasn’t my negative state blocking their energies from me? Why was I still being approached; not just once, but several times?
I was 20 minutes away from my temporary home and I couldn’t wait anymore. I was shaking and perspiring when I found myself in front of a high end restaurant that wasn’t open yet. One of the waiters was there, however, and he was generous enough to allow me use the facilities. I didn’t have to make it home. Out of the kindness of someone’s heart, I was able to be sick in private, off the streets.
I finally made it home and had to be sick again. It was obvious to me that I was “clearing” not only physically, but metaphysically all the junk in my body and soul. I got it. I easily was seeing this while it was happening. But it still perplexed me why all those nice people were being drawn to me. In the past if I were in a bad mood, even if I hid it, I repelled people. Yesterday, I was not hiding anything. My emotions were being worn on my sleeve and people were not averting me, they were moving towards me.
I decided to take a look in the mirror to see what I looked like. I have seen what I looked like in the past when I cried and it always looked as though I had been beaten up, but not this time. As I stared at the face in the mirror, I noticed that I was glowing. I had an inner radiance that was clearly shining through. I honestly couldn’t even tell on a physical level that I had been crying. I knew there was a message for me in all this, but I was too wrapped up in my sufferings to see it. I would have to wait another eight and a half hours before I would have my answer.
I felt much clearer when I woke up the next morning. A friend of mine from home saw that I was on Facebook and was surprised I was up so early. “I am always up early,” I told her. It’s during the early morning that I have the best communication with the Universe. She asked if she could call me on Skype.
Anastasia is a life coach and a friend and I repeated my story to her. I said I was convinced this hunger thing is for a reason, though I didn’t know what it was yet. Perhaps it was simply to feel compassion for others in the world that were also hungry. I conveyed how strange it was that people continued to joyfully approach me during my negative state. That’s when she said it:
“The only thing that blocks people is resistance, not negativity.”
GONG! That’s when the proverbial bell went off in my head. Talk about being my messenger for the day. Anastasia hit the nail on the head.
I have myself been teaching to so many that it is imperative to not hide your emotions. Hiding them only suppresses the energy deeply inside. It doesn’t get rid of it. In fact, I just said those words to someone not a few hours before. I have written several articles about the Shadow Side. But the word “resistance” put a whole new spin on what I had already known as true.
To be enlightened doesn’t mean living in happy camper land all the time. There is a lot of happiness, but there is a lot of pain too. The trick is to be honest with yourself where you are in that moment. Do not resist the pain. Observe it. Pay attention to it. Honor it. It is who you are in this moment.
This is why my face looked so angelic and not like I stepped off a horror flick. This is the reason why various people had approached me. They were seeing my Inner Light. This is why I had to be hungry. My Spiritual Being needed me to feel all these emotions openly in order for Anastasia to become my messenger; and so that I, in turn, could become messenger for someone else.
We are complex Beings with dual natures. We must honor both our Light and Shadow sides. They are a part of us. When we appreciate who we are in the moment, others will be drawn to you no matter how you feel inside. They will see your Inner Light even if you do not in the moment.
To read this and other articles such as this one, please visit www.lisatunney.com and click on the blog link.
Thank you for reading and Namaste! (The Light in me recognizes the Light in you!)
Anastasia Netri is a work-life balance coach, teacher, and lecturer in San Francisco. Her client list spans the globe. For more information on her services please go to her website at http://www.anastasia-netri.com/.
Lisa Tunney is a metaphysical writer, reiki master, spiritual life coach, as well as a shamanic practioner. She just finished her first inspirational book and is working on her second. She is also working on her Master's Degree in Metaphysics. She is an American who is currently fulfilling a lifelong dream by living in France. She hopes to share her experiences to help others on their journeys to Enlightenment.