Many women hold onto this romantic notion that one day a man will come riding over the horizon atop a great white stallion and save them from whatever problems they may face in life. That’s the attitude some men have as well. “She’s my fragile little flower. She won’t succeed in life without my protection and guidance.”
I once dated this crazy woman that came from an abusive home. Although she was gorgeous on the outside, inside she was just an empty shell of a person. She was depressed, moody, and extremely irrational at times. I kept thinking that I could save her. I thought that if I gave her enough love and attention I could somehow fill the dark void inside of her.
What actually happened is that she would drag me down to her level. We’d argue about ridiculous non-issues constantly. She would vent about how life sucks, people suck, and how she’d be better off dead. It was emotionally draining just being around her. She was like an emotional sponge. It was a horribly dysfunctional relationship full of unnecessary drama.
Eventually I realized that not only could I not save her, it wasn’t my responsibility. I’m naturally a jovial, happy person. It finally dawned on me that whenever I was around her, instead of feeling happy and enjoying our time together she would just drag me down. She was literally forcing me to feel as depressed as she felt. I think she gained a perverse pleasure from the chaos she created in the lives of those around her.
A partner should complement you. You should each contribute your own unique strengths and positive qualities to the relationship. A partnership isn’t going to work if one member is putting in all the effort. A successful union requires two equally contributing partners.
I finally realized that it didn’t matter how hot she was or how much I thought I loved her. I couldn’t fix her and being in her presence caused me more pain than pleasure. Eventually I broke up with her. Of course she accused me of being just like all the rest of the horrible men out there and even played the suicide card on me. She tried to guilt trip me into returning to her dark world.
I stayed away from her and have now been dating a wonderful, emotionally healthy woman for over six months. Of course the relationship has its ups and downs just like they all do, but we each contribute equally to its success in our own unique way. And we truly care about each other.
Never try to save someone from themselves. It’s just not possible. For tips on how to end a relationship visit Zewb.com
Cordell Wallace writes dating articles for men at Zewb.com.