Tired Of My Husband Taking Me For Granted: Being Taken For Granted By Husband

When you're dating someone, it seems like they have a great knack for making you feel appreciated, loved and placed upon a pedestal. However, as daily lives take over and we have to worry about finances, careers, children and the household - that pedestal seems to get lower and lower. If you're being taken advantage of by your spouse, there are several things you can do to get the point across that you're not happy with it. Here are some tips on what to do when your spouse takes you for granted.

Talk to Your Spouse about How You Are Feeling

The first thing you should do is talk to your spouse about how he or she is making you feel. Rather than accusing them of taking you for granted and attacking them, simply state the way you feel. Use words like 'I feel' rather than 'You do.' For instance, "I feel like I'm being taken advantage of," rather than, "You always expect me to do this or that." This is a great way to let your spouse know how you're feeling without making them get defensive. Calmly and assertively tell them the way you're feeling and you will see that it works much better than becoming angry and shouting or attacking them.

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Don't Allow It to Continue

If your spouse continues to take you for granted, don't allow it to happen. For instance, perhaps your spouse comes home, throws his or her dirty clothes on the floor, asks you what's for dinner and all without a friendly kiss - stop it right there. You can simply tell your spouse that you're busy and would he or she mind fixing dinner or innocently tell them that you didn't know you were supposed to take care of dinner. Leave the dirty clothes right there on the floor. When you pick them up, cook dinner and continue to be taken for granted - nothing will change. Put a stop to it now so that it's not expected.

When Nothing Works

When you are constantly being taken for granted and you've tried discussing it with your spouse, there may be nothing left to do but lay it out flat. If you can't stick up for yourself, you will constantly be taken for granted? If it's gotten to the point where you just can't stand much more, tell your spouse that you've had enough. Point out that you've tried to let him or her know how you feel and that nothing has changed. Then, you may suggest counseling or marital therapy. This way, they know that something has to be done or they may actually lose you. That's a way to wake them up!

When you follow the tips and tricks in this article, you can stop being taken for granted and start being treated like a real person.

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Some separated spouses have more than one attempt at a reconciliation. It would be wonderful if your good intentions were all you needed to successfully reconcile. But for many, this is just not the case. Sometimes, one of the spouses changes their mind - which is very painful for all involved. And if the spouse changes their mind back and wants to eventually reconcile once again, there can be some doubts about that same spouse's sincerity.

Someone might address a concern like: "I'd love to believe that my spouse genuinely wants to get back together with me. But I've been down this road before and I have been hurt as the result. A couple of months ago, he told me that he thought he wanted to reconcile, but he said that he wasn't ready to just move back in. He wanted to take it slowly. I wasn't completely happy with this because I felt like I'd been patient all along, but I didn't feel that I had much of a choice. So I complied. Things seemed to go OK for a couple of weeks and then he told me that he was changing his mind. This was extremely painful. I felt like he'd almost lied to me or that he should not have said anything until he was absolutely sure. Well, last night we went out for drinks and he may have had a little too much alcohol. By the end of the night, he was blabbing again about wanting to save our marriage. I thought that it was only the alcohol talking. But then this morning he called me and he asked me if I had given any consideration to reconciling. I told him that it was very hard for me to take him seriously when he bailed out on me before. He asked what he needed to do to prove this to me. I want to say that he needs to move back home, but I don't want to push my luck. What can he do to prove to me that he is serious about reconciling?"

Frankly, the most reassuring thing to me was time. The more time that went by with my husband and I getting along well, the more confident I was that it was actually going to work. But, there are probably some overtures that he could make that would make you feel more secure. I will discuss some of them below.

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Make A Noticeable Effort To Spend Meaningful And Significant Time With You: I agree that it can be risky to push your spouse to move back in before he is ready. I've seen so many reconciliation attempts go sour this way. But that doesn't mean that you can't spend a lot of time together. When you are attempting to reconcile, the idea is to spend more and more time together until the transition to moving back in would be easy. So you don't want to see your spouse still taking lots of "space" or not spending free time with you. Because this would indicate that he isn't as serious as he might have lead you to believe. When someone is serious about reconciling, they work to clear their calendars for you. They put some thought and effort into the time that the two of you are spending together.

You Don't Sense Him Waffling Too Much On His Feelings: Quite frankly, it is normal to have doubts when you're attempting to reconcile. So much is at stake here. I wanted my husband back more than anything. And yet, I was always afraid that something would go wrong. I did not doubt my feelings about him or about our marriage. I simply doubted that things were actually going to work. I was always so paranoid of something going wrong. So while you may see your spouse act a little hesitant about everything falling into place, you shouldn't feel tons of doubts about his feelings for you. There is bound to be some doubt. Because you are separated and the relationship is fragile. Still, I like to believe that most people can feel the difference between a little hesitation and a huge lack of feelings. You might both have some concern about having success. But you shouldn't have concern about the fact that the will is there. You should be able to feel his sincerity and the fact that his feelings, though fragile, are real.

You're Seeing Obvious And Undeniable Improvement: Generally speaking, when both people want to reconcile, they are both on their best behavior and they are both making every effort to ensure that this works. That's why at this time you should see (and feel) a definite improvement in your situation. Things should no longer feel nearly as tense. It should be clear that things are improving. It should feel hopeful. Most people can just sense that things are changing - even if a few challenges crop up along the way.

In short, you should be seeing sincere behavior and obvious attempts on his part to make you feel reassured. You can't expect for everything to be perfect. But you should feel relief because most of the time, you can just feel the tide shift.

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"I want to know how to save my marriage today." That's a phrase that many married folks think about each day. When you feel that the most important relationship of your life is starting to come apart, it impacts your entire life. It's hard to focus on anything other than what went wrong and what you can do to fix it. If you love your spouse, and you don't want to become another divorce statistic, there are things you can do, with the aid of your partner, or alone to save the relationship. In fact, many couples come back from the brink of divorce to have a relationship that is more fulfilling and satisfying than it ever was before.

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In order to save your marriage today you have to start with taking responsibility for your part in the marriage breakdown. Typically when there's a conflict with our spouse we're quick to point fingers. This leads to resentment which can eventually erode the foundation of even the strongest of relationships. You have to own up to your part in the difficulties you and your spouse are currently facing. Tell them that you're sorry and also make a concerted effort to improve on the things that you've done that hurt the relationship. Don't make a big announcement about how you'll be different, just do it. Compromise is key to keeping your marriage together, so learn how to shift your stance on important issues sometimes, so there's less stress between you two.

You've also got to start seeing your partner in a new light. When we are having problems with our spouse, one of the ways we express that is through talking negatively about them. We may do it to ourselves or to others. If you continually do this it will impact how you feel about your partner and it will show to them. You need to start thinking of them in a more positive light, starting today. Don't focus on their negative attributes anymore. Just look at what you love most about them and celebrate that. It won't take long until they notice the shift in you and they'll start doing the same.

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Before we get started, though, let's talk some about experience. Some say that experience is the best teacher. It certainly is an effective teacher, but it can be a very painful teacher too. You can learn from your own experience, and that will help you in the future; however, how much better it would be to learn from other people's experiences. Then you would gain some valuable information without having to go through your own pain.

I have learned from my own experience. I have also learned much valuable information from reading about the experiences of others. I have been able to help others by passing along what I have read or heard. Some of my best help has come about by introducing people who are going through a certain problem to others who have gone through a similar problem and have come out successful on the other side.

My desire in helping others is to give them content that is based on good research, based on my own personal experiences, based on the experiences of others, and is based on timeless truths

What are some great steps for getting your marriage back? Here are some of them.

Step 1. Be strong and refrain from acting like you are falling apart.

You see, when your partner finally summons up the courage to leave you, he or she gets a newfound sense of power. If you act like you will just fall apart if your spouse does not come back to you, you will just fuel that feeling of power. So, though you may be dying inside, don't act like you will fall apart unless your estranged spouse comes back to you

Step 2. Give your spouse some space and time to think.

Even though your mate feels empowered by leaving you, you have to understand that he or she is not thinking clearly too. He or she probably really does need some time to think because in that thinking time, your partner will have a chance to realize some mistakes he or she has made. Also, it will take some time for him or her to realize some of the negative consequences of this action.

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Step 3. Avoid starting another argument.

Here is the secret to avoiding an argument. It is one that you will especially need to use during this time. It is not necessarily one you will use forever, but it will serve you well as you are trying to get your spouse back.

That simple secret is to agree with your spouse. You should actually consider what he or she has to say, and when he or she is right, certainly agree with him or her.

What if it cannot be proven that he or she is right? Consider this. When you deal with matters of opinion that cannot be proved one way or the other, you will do well to agree with your mate's opinion (even though your opinion might be different).

What about when your former lover is "just plain wrong"? Then, do your best to just "hold your tongue."

How can an argument get started if you agree?

After using this technique temporarily, you will find ways that you can disagree agreeably in the future, but you probably will want to continue on with this technique when you deal with many future occasions.

Step 4. Make necessary changes in your own life.

Your main desire is to get your marriage back. If you want that to happen, you will have to make some necessary changes in your own life.

Even if you do not get your husband or wife back, you will have to go on with life. In either case, you will have to develop a "new you" in the midst of this difficult situation. There are several keys to marital bliss, and you want to reinvent yourself in such a way that you contribute to those keys. (Those keys are related in the book, The LOVING Way to a Successful Marriage: Six keys to Marital Bliss.)

Step 5. Apologize for what you did wrong.

You want to formulate this apology carefully. You do not want it to be a fake apology, so clearly identify what it is, and what it is not, that you are apologizing for. Then make the apology, but don't apologize over and over and over again. Remember step one.

Step 6. Ask for another chance.

At the appropriate time, ask for another chance. That appropriate time will be after you have given your mate some space and after you have shown how you are improving your own life.

Step 7. After you get back together, keep improving your marriage.

Don't let what you learned during this process be for nothing. If it appears that it was all just fake, and for the process of dragging your mate back into the old situation, this success will not last long. Build on the positive changes you have made. Make your new experience of marriage a priority, and things will be better than ever!

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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