Eighty percent of men are distancers and 80% of women are pursuers. Women have 10-15 times more oxytocin (the bonding hormone) than men, and men have 10 times more testosterone (go-getter hormone) than women: so based on that chemical proportion alone, it's obvious women need more closeness than what most men can give. At least when we understand this, we will be less inclined to feel abandoned or think of worst case scenarios.
The female brains are also 35% more active than the male brains that make us compulsive thinkers. And since our natural tendency is to focus on relationship(s), most of our thoughts naturally revolve around our partners (families). We think much faster than men when it comes to relationship and coupled with capacity for emoting to the highest degree, we always tend to find something needs fixing in that department at any given moment that drives men nuts. Men just can't keep up with our inherent and urgent needs for "connection." We work under very different timetables and clocks (their clocks are probably broken).
Men, on the other hand, as the primordial hunters have their priorities set millions of years ago in their genes; i.e. achieving, providing, protecting, going after status in their community. Canoodling, cooing and cuddling, while serving a purpose when their mind is set to it, can only take place when everything else about being a man is taken cared of.
In other words: men can't focus on their relationship when they are unhappy with their work, while women can't focus on their work when they are unhappy with their relationship.
So you see how we can't be more "mismatched" and it's no surprise we have all the typical problems in relationship. But it really doesn't have to be that way. I think, exactly because we are so different we are attracted to each other, in a sense we complete each other like the yin and yang symbol of the Taoist.
Understanding this, now we know that guys are always much slower than women: they need their space before they have the urge to come to us. So to make them miss you more really means to be fun when you're around him and be less available in between. Nice but not overly nice that he becomes lazy and starts taking you for granted.
Every relationship needs the balancing act of pursuing and distancing to function. Play the dynamics of distancer and pursuer to your advantage (we are both in different times/circumstances). We can practice performing this dance harmonically when we understand the basic make-up that makes men men and women women.
To understand what makes men tick: what attract and repel them, you need to learn the secret of being a high-value woman that he seeks after.
You will learn the ultimate solution to the puzzle why he disappears or break up with you and what you can do to prevent that once and for all.
However, if you have broken up with your beloved, don't despair because you can still get him back by implementing the advice above and use this tool to get your love life back on track:
This article is one of the breakup series I write. Please check my author page for more articles on the subejct or join me in my ex-back support group and relationship forum for more tips on how to deal with your breakup and how to get yourself on the path of getting your love and your life back. Please also follow me on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/katarina.phang for my daily nuggets of reflections/insights/advice and tips on attracting and maintaining a lasting relationship and fixing a broken one.
Katarina Phang is an author, love/life coach specializing on reuniting couples and curing troubled relationship. She founded a free ex-back support group and relationship forum http://gettheloveyoudeserve.info.