Most of us know or have known someone we care about who has come under the influence of a perpetrator using him/her for self-serving purposes.
Very smart, educated, healthy people can, for some unknown, reason come under the spell of opportunistic, toxic, and insecure people. It is very ... Views: 40
Are you frustrated with someone you care about who appears to be the victim of a perpetrator? Do you find yourself getting angry for this person?
We all have examples of these situations and we often struggle with what to say, how much time to spend with the victim, and how to continue being ... Views: 51
No one plans on getting divorced when they get married, and yet that is a possible outcome for some. If you have spent your life mastering people pleasing, always saying yes, being diplomatic, and putting everyone else's needs before yours, you will suffer tremendously if you are confronted with ... Views: 276
How do I know if I am acting codependent or loving? This is an excellent question and often confusing for many for different reasons. Let’s look at the definitions of codependent and loving and see what we find.
Love: An intense feeling of deep affection. For the purpose of this article, we ... Views: 433
This question fascinates me because I have observed over many years many journeys where people struggle with this task (myself included.) Let’s take a look at some of my speculations and see what your thoughts might be on why this is so challenging.
Our History and Teachings
For women, it is ... Views: 318
This summer in particular, we had some pretty spectacular athletic competitions in England, France, and more recently, Rio. Whether you follow cycling, tennis or any of the competitions that took place in Rio, it is hard not to be inspired and learn from some of the stories.
Stories and ... Views: 263
Attending a support group can be a very positive part of your recovery plan, as long as you understand what is healthy and what is dysfunctional. Let’s look at a few qualities of support groups and what happens when things get out of balance…
Similarities vs Enmeshment
When I join a support ... Views: 257
Wouldn’t it be great if we could wave our magic wand and no one would relapse? Until we understand more about addictions (and we have work to do there), we will have to tackle relapse in other ways. Let’s look at a couple of possible breakdowns that might lead to relapse and find some ways to ... Views: 302
Moon Centers. Let’s face it, many women have out-of-control emotions—huge emotional swings that they often blame on PMS, SMS, MPS—whatever! Some people would say it’s easier to just let the emotions rule. Wrong. As a woman, I’m sure that you’d welcome knowing that there are ways other than ... Views: 275
I could write on and on about what you can do, should do, must do, and could do. We have all been frustrated with and in our relationships especially regarding a juicy relationship for couples. I had one of my students write me an entire letter the other day on all the ways she hated everything ... Views: 411
Are you ready to die?
Most people aren’t? Yet if we are not willing to be with death it will hunt us down. Last week I had a gigantic dose of people sitting with death. My contractor’s 10-year-old daughter with an inoperable brain tumor on the brain stem. Next a dear friend called with breast ... Views: 314
Yesterday I was weeding in my back yard and I had a realization. Weeding the yard is so much easier than weeding out our thoughts. Weeding out unwanted thoughts needs tools. What are your tools for weeding out ineffective thoughts? What about ones that actually take you down? Do you have ... Views: 340
What are the components of successful people? So many people over time have dissected this and put the pieces together backwards and forwards. They have used it to sell courses. The formula has been used to sell everything imaginable. I don’t want to sell you anything. I want to give you ... Views: 349
Unfortunately, there are several types of people who are going to be contentious in a divorce and they have to be handled differently. And many personnel involved in the divorce process do not prepare or educate the spouse of a contentious person correctly. If you have ever been told or if you ... Views: 245
Resiliency and Recovery have a nice ring. The two R’s! Having a backbone makes this process a lot easier.
Resiliency is having the ability to adapt in the face of adversity. The more you know yourself, the greater your self-awareness, and the greater your backbone, the greater your chance ... Views: 331
Living without a backbone sets you up for severe consequences in the domains of health, finances, career, friendships, romance, recovery and your dignity for starters.
What does this mean? How can this be? It means you don’t know how to advocate for yourself and even worse you have insidious ... Views: 264
Dear Mom and Dad,
Please remember my life has been turned upside down and I never had a vote. I don't have a rulebook to negotiate waters totally unfamiliar to me. It is really hard for me to understand that my family has broken up. I feel scared that I will loose one or both of you. I don't ... Views: 265
Divorce can be ugly. Courts can make it uglier.
I think we are all in agreement "settle out of court". How can a couple do that when they are fighting to the extent they are filing for divorce? You are probably going to get tired of hearing me say first always "Fight for your Marriage."
1. ... Views: 443
"The best security blanket a child can have is parents who respect each other." ~ Jane Bauston
Do treat your Children like Gold!
Remember you just turned your children's life (and they didn't have a vote) upside down. They now have to decipher new rules, new logistics, probable logistical ... Views: 356
It really is up to you every day whether you see divorce support as a curse or a blessing! Whether you are the giver or the receiver, I recommend you reframe it as a blessing. Is this easy? Of course not! However, if you actually go through the trauma of getting divorced and you stay married ... Views: 402
Are you controlled or in a partnership?
Abusive marriages come in different forms. Most people are quick to think of "physical abuse" but there are definitely other acts of abuse that detriment the wellbeing of individuals at the hands of their domestic partner.
1. Physical Abuse
In ... Views: 442
We always hear people say, "I wish I knew then what I know now," so here is some help if you are navigating a divorce now ...
1.Believe in Yourself!
Three words that are so powerful they can change any "I can't into "I can". When you hear the words "I want a divorce", there will be times ... Views: 602
Honor your children by fighting for your marriage and if you decide to divorce, do it with dignity!
If you are at the point of asking this question, you have some distinctions to consider.
Never threaten your partner with divorce to get his/her attention. Never make the divorce decision ... Views: 430
April is Divorce Recovery Month! We asked a number of contributors to the DivorceForce Community for their input on "divorce recovery" and here is part 1 of some of the responses we received.
**Anne Brown PhD RNMSCS http://www.backbonepower.com - Make a list of 2-3 things you want to be ... Views: 414
It's April, your divorce papers are signed, and it's a new chapter, scary, exciting, change, and your choice if you recover or crash land!
Let's make a list of things to remember.
1. Change is good.
2. Keep a journal.
3. Make a schedule for time when the children are with you AND for when ... Views: 371
Divorce with dignity! Be committed to be on the healing in two years not five year track! Children want to be normal again, not kids of those divorcing parents who are always fighting. Believe in yourself and what the future holds! Lean into the divorce, move through one step at a time, don't ... Views: 498
Take the time for a self-journey. Getting on a journey with your self requires courage, consciousness, feedback from a trusted advisor, vulnerability, insight, and the refreshing ability to apologize for starters. Knowing your strengths and challenges, competences and incompetence’s, where you ... Views: 362
Whether this is your first time in the dating world or you are newly divorced and entering the dating world, there are some steps you can take to help guard against divorce. There are no guarantees and why not do everything you can to live happily ever after with that someone special?
Guess ... Views: 389
It is 2016 and we are seriously off track!
1. Delete Hate
Today, beginning today, please, we must all stop saying, writing, cheering, promoting, and engaging in hate. It is such a sign of fear, ignorance, insecurity, prejudice, and an outdated belief. We need different ideas, backgrounds, ... Views: 424
Remember Sociopaths are opportunists and you are at risk for being that opportunity for him. I need five commitments from you if you want to avoid the wake of destruction that comes from dating a Sociopath.
1. Commitment to your Heart:
Healing a broken heart takes time in pain and sorrow. ... Views: 1140
"There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds." Laurell K Hamilton Mistral's Kiss
From the outside looking in, it is easy to say, but he had so much why couldn't he find the help he needed. From the inside looking out, a lot of the ... Views: 670
"Whenever one person stands up and says, "Wait a minute, this is wrong," it helps other people do the same." Gloria Steinem
Wouldn't it be nice if we lived in a world where everyone had a strong moral compass? How safe would we all feel if everyone followed the golden rule and treated others, ... Views: 544
(A simple way to let go with dignity)
"The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread." Mother Teresa
If schools had offered a course called "Breaking up is hard to do", I suspect we all would have enrolled. Why aren't we taught these difficult challenges ... Views: 751
" Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life." Steve Jobs
Someone recently asked me the definition of Codependency, so let's take a look at what we can see to help uncover this complicated phenomenon. The visual I have is someone who is suppose to be driving his own ... Views: 632
" You will never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore." Christopher Columbus
Denial is a mechanism we use consciously or unconsciously to alter reality, usually to pretend it is better than it is. We don't want to see aspects of life for which we have no ... Views: 454
(We all need Strong Minds!) "Unless you try to do something beyond what you have mastered you will never grow." Ralph Waldo Emerson
The most important asset one can have is a strong mind. Forget all the material things many think are so important and would be lost without; a strong mind is ... Views: 921
"What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do." Tim Ferriss
How did we become a society that cannot hear the word No? Why are we so sensitive to being told No? There is yes and there is No, there is night and day, dark and light, yin and yang, and on and on. So to be balanced ... Views: 706
"Two things define you; your patience when you have nothing, and your attitude when you have everything."
In my article on March 2, 2014 and chapter two in my book Backbone Power The Science of Saying No, I speak about the importance of being able to say No when you mean No. After listening ... Views: 552
"If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything." Gordon A Eadie
Why do I need a backbone? I just have my simple little life. I don't aspire to be famous. Hmmm! Everyone's simple little life is going to be given an opportunity to take a stand for something, someone, some ... Views: 758
The Grand Jury file on reports filed against Sandusky in the Penn State Sex abuse scandal illustrates some of the most egregious rationalizing (right up there with the Catholic Church's sexual abuse of children) in our country. There are some people involved who attempted to do the right thing ... Views: 612
"You must do the things you think you can't do." Eleanor Roosevelt
There are women all over the world risking their lives to become educated. We must support them. How can we do that? We must begin to lift the veil of unconsciousness. We can't pretend the emotional/physical abuse that is ... Views: 599
"Never make yourself feel like nothing, to make someone else feel like everything!"
Rationalizing has to be prevalent when there is Domestic Abuse because how else could you convince yourself to stay. First you have to recognize that you are being emotionally, physically and or sexually ... Views: 623
"You are confined only by the walls you build yourself!"
Rationalizing is something we do when we don't want to face the truth.
Rationalizing is something we use to make what just happen ok in our eyes.
Rationalizing is a tool for survival when things are too bad to ... Views: 471
“Being honest may not get you a lot of friends and it will get you the right ones.”
We all have been there! Maybe you had a friend or you know someone now who is in a big DRAMA! The situation keeps getting worse and you can’t believe the stories… affairs, lying, addictions, bills not paid, ... Views: 765
There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” Aristotle
OK we all know this right? And yet how many of us enter into the most intimate relationship with our partners “saying nothing.” For those who still can’t discuss sex, it is time to lift that veil. ... Views: 554
“It comes from saying No to 1000 things to make sure we don’t get on the wrong track or try to do to much.” Steve Jobs
Are you beginning to see where we need our tools, ability to say No, ability to make requests, ability to speak our truth in order be a good leader, and in order to be able ... Views: 707
Keep making those Requests
Making requests may seem like such a simple thing. Of course I do that you say to yourself. Check again it can be the root of many negative emotions especially resentment.
I have a friend of many years who as a teenager was experimenting with a rocket that exploded ... Views: 724