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Articles from Catherine Auman | Selfgrowth.com
- Myself only Smaller - by Submitted on Aug 30, 2011 from Catherine Auman“Why didn’t I say something? I was so stupid! Why didn’t I stop the abuse?” Allison is crying as she recounts a painful memory that affects the way she relates to men in the present. Often, my patients who are involved in processing painful wounds from childhood have trouble forgiving ...
Views: 189(1 vote) - The Blister and the Teakettle - by Submitted on Aug 12, 2011 from Catherine AumanPeople often ask what happens in psychotherapy. Sometimes, although more rarely than you might imagine, therapists give good old fashioned advice, and famously, we listen intently. Often we teach skills that people missed in childhood such as how to communicate or manage angry feelings. Therapy ...
Views: 211(1 vote) - Politically Correct Emotions - by Submitted on Aug 12, 2011 from Catherine AumanOnce when I was a little girl, my father said to me, “Stop crying. You’re too smart to have feelings.” He was my perfect dad (until adolescence anyway) so it seemed he must be right. He never stopped trying to get everyone in the house, my mother, my brother, my sisters and me, to stop ...
Views: 204(1 vote) - The Yin of Sex, Part Two - by Submitted on Aug 09, 2011 from Catherine AumanThe adorable young woman sitting in front of me had been sent by her boyfriend for counseling because she doesn’t orgasm in a few minutes as a porn star pretends to. The main source of sex education for many young people these days is online porn, and much misinformation is being ...
Views: 272(1 vote) - The Yin of Sex, Part One - by Submitted on Aug 05, 2011 from Catherine AumanPole dance classes at your local “Y,” burlesque and striptease billed as “female empowerment,” fetish shoes worn as ordinary daywear, cougars on the prowl, and porn star sex not only ubiquitous on the Internet but expected in every bedroom – contemporary sex is all about the yang. You’ve seen ...
Views: 363(2 votes) - After the Insight, Part Two - by Submitted on Aug 05, 2011 from Catherine AumanAfter an important insight into why you act the way you do, the long process of changing your behavior begins, one action at a time. Most people find it difficult to change without outside support, and if that is you, it doesn’t mean you’re weak or wrong in some way, merely a member of the human ...
Views: 613(3 votes) - After the Insight, Now What? - by Submitted on Aug 03, 2011 from Catherine AumanBack in the days when Freudian lying-on-the-couch therapy was all there was, insight into one’s problem was considered enough to provide a cure. However, insight-as-cure didn’t turn out to be the case – we’ve all heard about Woody Allen in treatment for decades, his neurosis only growing. Many ...
Views: 124(1 vote) - You Have to Let Them Drown - by Submitted on Jul 16, 2011 from Catherine AumanYou’re enjoying the perfect stroll along the beach: the crunch of sand between your toes, the lapping waves, the glorious sun on your face. You notice the wind caressing your hair -- suddenly you hear cries for help! – the agony of a fellow being beginning to drown. Your impulse is to heroically ...
Views: 281(2 votes) - Learning to Speak French - by Submitted on Jul 10, 2011 from Catherine AumanPeople who grow up in difficult families miss learning some of life’s most basic skills. In homes where physical abuse is present, for example, children often don’t grow up with the understanding that their bodies deserve respect. If the parents were emotionally cold, the child misses learning ...
Views: 195 - Your Worst Nightmare - by Submitted on Jul 10, 2011 from Catherine AumanThe gorgeous stranger across the room is returning your seductive smile. A warm glow and tingling sense of anticipation run through your body. The air seems electric, the atmosphere more alive. It’s here! -- love at first sight, irresistible attraction, the stuff movies are made of. The sexual ...
Views: 221 - Top Ten Non-Drug Treatments for Anxiety - by Submitted on Jun 09, 2011 from Catherine AumanMany of my patients do not want to take medication for anxiety and I support their efforts to find a holistic solution. Here are my top recommendations: 1) Practice some deep, slow breaths, all the way down, pushing your abdomen out. There’s a reason the Buddha is always pictured as having a ...
Views: 226(1 vote) - Is Psychotherapy Out of Date? - by Submitted on Jun 01, 2011 from Catherine AumanHe looked like Bradley Cooper but he didn’t have a job. At cocktail parties, I’m used to receiving a show stopper response when I reply that my profession is “therapist” or “shrink,” but this was a new one. “Psychotherapy,” he said. “That was cool in the ‘80s, right?” It’s true that today’s ...
Views: 163 - Madison’s Apple Tree - by Submitted on May 08, 2011 from Catherine AumanMadison is as wide eyed as any child has ever been watching her seedling push its way up out of the Styrofoam cup. Like many kindergarten kids in America, her class has planted apple seeds and is waiting for them to grow. The children tend the plants lined up on the windowsill, learning that ...
Views: 197 - You Might Prefer an Active Meditation - by Submitted on Apr 15, 2011 from Catherine AumanWhen most people hear the word “meditation,” they envision a serenely calm person sitting blissfully, probably with their legs crossed in the lotus position. What is going on inside that meditator’s head, however, may be a different story. Their mind is most likely struggling and overwhelmed ...
Views: 238(2 votes) - What Are the Causes of Lifelong Depression? - by Submitted on Feb 13, 2011 from Catherine AumanSome unfortunate people suffer from depression all their lives. There may be a sneaking suspicion it’s their fault in some way, which is not true. Lifelong (chronic) depression is an illness that can be as debilitating as heart disease, and if untreated can even be fatal. Chronic depression is ...
Views: 959(1 vote) - Personal Growth and the Ostrich Egg - by Submitted on Feb 05, 2011 from Catherine AumanIt was hot that summer, hotter than four kids from the chilly Pacific Northwest could comprehend. Our dad had gotten a math scholarship for six weeks in Champaign-Urbana, Illinois, so he and Mom had piled all us kids into the Volkswagen van and headed off cross country to a planet very unlike ...
Views: 216(1 vote) - The Eyes – Your False Friends - by Submitted on Jan 21, 2011 from Catherine AumanI often send my single patients to Starbucks to sit and people watch, in a different way than they are used to. I ask them to scan for people who look kind, responsible, trustworthy: the type of person, for example, who thinks it would be fun to coach Little League after work. People often get ...
Views: 227(2 votes) - The Seven Principles for Making Relationships Work - by Submitted on Aug 31, 2010 from Catherine AumanThe Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (Crown, 1999) is a book that I often recommend for people who are wishing to improve their relationships, married or otherwise. The author, Dr. John Gottman, actually hooked couples up to electrodes and watched what happened to their blood pressures ...
Views: 687(2 votes) - The Roots of Tantra, Part Two - by Submitted on Aug 31, 2010 from Catherine AumanGreat psychologists such as Sigmund Freud and Wilhelm Reich pointed out that the majority of people are starved for sexual fulfillment; causing all kinds of ills such as child abuse, rape, frigidity, compulsive sexuality, and obsessions of all sorts. This starvation, however, is not from lack of ...
Views: 496(2 votes) - The Roots of Tantra, Part One - by Submitted on Aug 31, 2010 from Catherine AumanWhen you trace it all back there are only two paths, tantra and yoga. All traditions stem from one or the other root. The paths stemming from yoga are those that teach there is something to do to arrive at ultimate fulfillment. The seeker needs to learn to restrain the passions, discipline the ...
Views: 570(2 votes) - What's Your Love Language? - by Submitted on Aug 31, 2010 from Catherine AumanWhat makes one person feel loved is not always the same thing that makes another person feel loved. According to Gary Chapman in The Five Love Languages (Northfield Publishing, Chicago: 1995) there are five basic ways a person can communicate loving feelings to someone else, and that way is ...
Views: 722(1 vote) - Staying Sane During the Holidays - by Submitted on Aug 31, 2010 from Catherine AumanThe thing that makes the holidays the most difficult is the widespread idea that they shouldn’t be. We’ve been seduced for years by pictures of smiling families passing the turkey and opening their flawlessly wrapped presents. Everyone is easy to get along with and everyone is perfectly happy. ...
Views: 342(1 vote) - What Do We Mean by Spiritual Relationships? - by Submitted on Aug 31, 2010 from Catherine Auman“WIFFM” is the primary motivator for many people in their relationships. WIFFM is a marketing term for “What’s In It For Me?” We have been taught to value people for how good they will look on our arm, how close they come to our fantasy of the ideal lover, or how we imagine they will fulfill our ...
Views: 449(1 vote) - Is There Such a Thing as Sex Addiction? - by Submitted on Aug 31, 2010 from Catherine AumanSteven is remembering the active days of what he calls his sex addiction: “I was at a party and noticed this overweight, not so beautiful woman across the room who was obviously attracted to me.” He drums his fingers on the table. “I did my number on her and got her to go out to the barn behind ...
Views: 600(2 votes) - The Quickest Route to Tantric Sex - by Submitted on Aug 31, 2010 from Catherine AumanTantra is about making love into an art. If you thought of yourself as an artist of love, what would you create? If you were painting a picture of the most juicy, delicious, perfect afternoon with your beloved, composing a song, or sculpting a masterpiece, how would you honor them? Tantric ...
Views: 963(1 vote) - The #1 Thing You Can Do Today to Improve Your Relationships - by Submitted on Aug 27, 2010 from Catherine AumanWhich would you rather hear: a list of your faults, or what someone thinks are the best things about you? Seems obvious, right? Not necessarily so. When we sit down with our partner to talk about our relationship, what we think is wrong with them is often where we go first. The words, “We ...
Views: 741(2 votes) - Six Ways to Help a Woman Get in the Mood - by Submitted on Aug 26, 2010 from Catherine AumanFirst of all, do not ask her if she wants to have sex. This question will go straight to her head, which is not where you want to be. Second, long before you want to have sex, let her know how much you like her body. Start complimenting the day before, the week before, better yet, make it a ...
Views: 954(3 votes) - How Can You Feel Sexy When You're All Stressed Out? - by Submitted on Aug 26, 2010 from Catherine AumanSure, I know, there’s work, and working out, and eating right, and the economy, and relationship struggles, and, and, and, … and then if you have kids, there’s even more. What a balancing act! Sometimes it’s a wonder we have any energy left for sex at all. To make sure it doesn’t get that way ...
Views: 490(1 vote) - Envisioning Your Partner as the God or Goddess They Truly Are - by Submitted on Aug 26, 2010 from Catherine AumanOne tantric exercise you can practice at home is to envision your lover as the god or goddess they truly are. That may seem a bit farfetched in today’s world, as modern lovers are well too aware of what is “wrong” with their partner. Constantly bombarded with images of what the perfect lover ...
Views: 460(1 vote) - What's the Difference Between Sensuality and Sexuality? - by Submitted on Aug 26, 2010 from Catherine AumanEverybody knows what’s sexy, right? We see images all the time of good looking men and women, smoking physiques, and enticing faces. People magazine tells us every year who is The Sexiest Man Alive! and men’s magazines are full of images of alluring women. There is one standard of beauty ...
Views: 845(1 vote) - You Don’t Have to Kill Your Parents - by Submitted on Aug 25, 2010 from Catherine AumanPhilip Larkin, one of the great poets of the twentieth century, famously wrote: Your mum and dad, they f*ck you up, They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the fears they had, And add some extra just for you. Everyone could benefit from identifying where their parents ...
Views: 464(1 vote) - How is Transpersonal Therapy Different from Mainstream Counseling? - by Submitted on Aug 25, 2010 from Catherine AumanPeople often ask me how transpersonal therapy differs from mainstream counseling. It differs in three major ways: how transpersonal therapists are trained, the context in which we hold therapy, and in some cases, the techniques we use or recommend to facilitate change. Transpersonal ...
Views: 503(1 vote) - Top Ten Non-Drug Treatments for Depression - by Submitted on Aug 25, 2010 from Catherine AumanMany of my patients do not want to take medication and I support their efforts to find a holistic solution. Here are my top recommendations: 1) Exercise: Believe it or not, exercise has been found to be the most effective treatment for depression. Of course, that’s the last thing you feel ...
Views: 751(1 vote) - The Bossa Nova Cure - by Submitted on Aug 25, 2010 from Catherine Auman“When I’m listening to bossa nova, it seems like everything’s right with the world.” I was talking to my therapist of the time about my (then) chronic depression. I hadn’t been seeing him that long and we were still finding out if it was a fit. “That slinky slide,” I said, “that bittersweet ...
Views: 481(1 vote) - Spiritual Search is the Reward of Prosperity - by Submitted on Aug 25, 2010 from Catherine AumanIf we understand Maslow rightly, once one’s basic needs are met, we are free to move up the pyramid to explore our higher level needs. Once we no longer have to worry about food and shelter, like folks in the prosperous West, we can devote our time to our needs for Love and Belonging, Esteem, ...
Views: 288(1 vote) - Spiritual Emergency - by Submitted on Aug 23, 2010 from Catherine AumanI got a call earlier this week from a couple trying to get help for a beloved friend who was unable to get off the couch due to experiencing visions, flashes of color and light, sensations of energy coming out of her body, and ecstatic trance states. She also believes that the Messiah has ...
Views: 325(1 vote) - Spiritual Bypass: How Not Working on your Stuff can Stunt your Spiritual Growth - by Submitted on Aug 23, 2010 from Catherine AumanThroughout yoga class, Jennifer feels fat. She’s obsessed with the other women’s bodies - how much thinner, limber, and more beautiful they are. Afterwards, at Whole Foods she buys a package of Organic Fig Bars and a pint of Carob Almond Rice Dream, goes home, eats it all, and throws up. ...
Views: 561(2 votes) - So What if You’re a Little Off? - by Submitted on Aug 23, 2010 from Catherine AumanWe were talking about Ezra Pound in my writing group the other week - about how he revolutionized poetry and writing in general by his idea that it’s all about the image rather than storytelling. I’d read that he’d spent thirteen years in a mental hospital so I said, “Of course, he could see ...
Views: 363(1 vote) - Six Amazing Transformational Technologies that are Absolutely Free - by Submitted on Aug 23, 2010 from Catherine AumanA lot of people call me who can’t afford to pay for therapy. It’s true that many of the most powerful ways to work on yourself cost a lot of money. Psychotherapy, high priced seminars, bodywork, yoga classes, nutritional supplements, and seeking advanced training in your field will all improve ...
Views: 288(1 vote) - Pet Therapy - by Submitted on Aug 23, 2010 from Catherine AumanWitches have black cats. Dogs are “man’s best friend.” Hamsters and gerbils are cute as they can be, and some people even like snakes. I picked Frankie the cat up from the pound last week and carried her to her new home. She immediately ran for cover under the bed and wouldn’t come out for 24 ...
Views: 358(4 votes) - Mind the Gap - by Submitted on Aug 23, 2010 from Catherine AumanI visited my sister and her family during the year in London her husband pursued graduate work in play directing. My nephews hated British school, their American ways considered freakish and weird by the other kids. It was hard to eat well there as the produce offered in the grocery stores was ...
Views: 295(1 vote) - It’s Hard to be Creative when You’re Hungry - by Submitted on Aug 23, 2010 from Catherine AumanRemember Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs? I think about it a lot when I try to explain to people what Transpersonal Psychology is, or what it is that a transpersonal therapist does that is different from traditional counseling. Maslow theorized that there is an order that human needs must be met: ...
Views: 434(1 vote) - It's Simple: Breathe Deep, Feel Good - by Submitted on Aug 23, 2010 from Catherine AumanI first started thinking about oxygen back when I started a running program (it was a milestone birthday and I realized, “damn, I’ve got to get in shape!”). I’d been walking about an hour a day for years after hearing that exercise was the most effective treatment for depression. Walking had ...
Views: 578(2 votes) - The Sleep Stalker - by Submitted on Aug 23, 2010 from Catherine AumanI’ve been trying to sleep for eight years. Oh, I sleep all right, but I’ll wake up at 4 a.m. raring to go with no question of going back to bed. Or I’ll stay up late even though I’m exhausted. For a while I enjoyed it -- there’s a high that comes from extended periods of no sleep, but every high ...
Views: 332(1 vote) - The Prejudice Against Gurus - by Submitted on Aug 23, 2010 from Catherine AumanIt’s true there are charlatans and egomaniacs in the guru biz. The media delights in dramatic stories of crazed followers doing odd and dangerous things, like that guy who had everyone drink the purple Kool-Aid, or those folks who committed mass suicide while wearing brand new Nikes when the ...
Views: 277(1 vote) - Four Ways Spirituality Can Hurt You - by Submitted on Aug 23, 2010 from Catherine AumanDon’t get me wrong – spirituality is a good thing. In today’s world, most people could benefit from becoming more in touch with their spirituality, not less. In my practice, however, I see ways that new age spirituality is hurting people. Here are things to look out for: 1) You believe that ...
Views: 389(3 votes) - What’s All This Talk About Cleansing? - by Submitted on Aug 23, 2010 from Catherine AumanPeople can get really crazy with this stuff, but it does benefit you to cleanse your body from time to time. Body purification processes are good to learn about and practice. The idea is that we all have stuff that has not been completely eliminated clogging up our bodies and our colons and it ...
Views: 258(2 votes) - Notes on Art and Therapy - by Submitted on Aug 23, 2010 from Catherine Auman1) At the end of his life, Timothy Leary apologized for having written so many books. The book, he said, is out of date, old technology, and therefore only adds to the pollution of the world. 2) Writing as a Spiritual Practice was the name of a workshop I once attended. The leader was a Zen ...
Views: 308(2 votes) - A Strategy for Compassion - by Submitted on Aug 23, 2010 from Catherine AumanBack when I was studying for my NLP (NeuroLinguistic Programming) Certification, we were taught that if one person can do something well, anyone can figure out their strategy and replicate it for themselves. NLP’ers were busy systematizing all kinds of strategies for excellence: better golf ...
Views: 311(2 votes)