At one time or another we have all experienced someone who seems to know exactly what to do or say that turns our calm demeanor into a raging lunatic on the inside, and sometimes even on the outside.
You find yourself saying and doing things you didn’t really want to, or wanted to and then wished you hadn’t, or your good day or mood takes a nose dive in the opposite direction.
It’s like you are wearing a button that says, “Push, to upset me”, and the next thing you know, bingo, it happens.
We say things like, “She/he knows exactly how to push my buttons”; “They really _____ me off”; “So and so really makes my blood boil”; “Their mood affects mine”; “I am fine until they say or do…”; and so on.
People, whether they are your partner, child, parent, sibling, boss, co-worker, friend, or perhaps even someone you don’t know can turn your good day or mood into a bad one with the push of a button, yours.
You can easily become become angered, frustrated, saddened, anxious, or take it personally, and then you react to or recoil from them. Is this ringing any bells?
Sometimes just the way someone looks or behaves bothers you and you may not even know why, but they seem to quickly set you or your day off track.
How long do you hold onto that feeling and let it affect your day? Be honest with yourself.
How do you react towards them?
Do you push back, hold a grudge, give them the silent treatment, become angry with them, sigh, give them the evil eye, let them know one way or another, or perhaps avoid them altogether?
It’s quite easy some days to allow other people’s words, moods, or actions to upset you. Sometimes you may even allow it to ruin your day. Just like you, other people have off days too.
Perhaps the other person didn’t get enough sleep, or isn’t feeling well, or woke up on the wrong side of the bed, so to speak, or misunderstood what you were saying, or you misunderstood what they were saying, or they were having a tough time or day, or maybe it’s just the way the other person is or how he/she handles things.
Hmmm… maybe other people are human beings also.
So… what can you do when people push your buttons?
You can ask yourself why you are taking it personally and letting it affect your day or mood.
You can recognize the emotion(s) that is being pushed in you.
You can validate not only your feelings, but theirs as well.
You can choose how long you want to hold onto the feeling.
You can decide if you are going to let it go or not.
You can see you, them, and the situation from different perspectives. Whatever you “think” is going on, what’s another possibility?
You can let them know you see they are having a rough time and offer your help.
You can accept them exactly the way they are and not try to change them, but rather change your attitude towards them.
When you are upset with/by someone, see if there is a thought, judgment, or belief about them or yourself. This is what creates the upset.
However you are judging them, or whatever you are saying about them, it’s possible it’s in you also.
Perhaps you think they don’t have any common sense, or they’re stupid, or act like an idiot, or are selfish, or they don’t get it, or they are way off in left field and couldn’t possibly be right, etc.
Was there ever a time when you were or are that way as well? Or perhaps you have been the complete opposite so as not to have to believe that about yourself.
Remember, people can only push our buttons if there is something in you also.
If you could let it go,would you? The choice is yours.
The Insight Technique assists you in seeing the buttons that are being pushed in you are showing you something about you.
Kimberley Cohen is the Founder, Facilitator and Personal Insight Coach of The Insight Technique™. She is certified in Body Mind Counselling, Process Oriented Body Work and Spiritual Psychotherapy. She founded the Insight Technique™ - Your Insight to genuine Happiness, Purpose and Prosperity to assist herself and others in uncovering and discovering their brilliance. To question and understand your thinking so you can transform what blocks and limits you from living the life you desire and deserve. Or "living your dreams".