What Your Relationship Is Teaching Your Kids

Look deeply into your relationship. Is it the kind that you would want for your kids when they receive adulthood? This question gets asked of my new clients frequently. They looked puzzled at first then expressions
of shame and guilt spawn across their faces. As you might imagine, their answer to the question is a somber “No..”

I will preface their response and continue to challenge the couple by asking “Then what can we do to make it a relationship you would like for your kids?” You see, kids tend to do as you show them. Monkey see; monkey do. Most of my clients and media followers are aware that I am not politically correct; though attempt to build a bridge to happiness, love, health, devotion and passion for one another. The kids deserve this too!
Do you want your kids to be okay with constant yelling and screaming matches? What about frequent name calling, belittling and criticizing their love one, or if they are the bashing bag to those attributions? So many couples endure these very aspects and do not realize the harm it may place on their children. We get so caught up in our own pain that we cannot see beyond ourselves. I get it! Though we must step outside of ourselves and explore how our relationship or marriage is affecting our children.
Yes, it is a good thing for kids to see us making up after an argument. This instills we can disagree and still love one another. It’s a great gift to teach to children. However, as I noted above, what if these actions are constant and harsh?

Besides the arguing and name calling, a lack of affection, compassion and down-right coldness to one another is also unhealthy for your kids to exhibit. Perhaps there are no loving gestures shared, no verbal affirmations or appreciation shown. Your children will learn these attributes as “normal,” whatever the hell that means. I believe that’s sad and cheats your kids out of what a marriage or relationship could, even should be: passionate, close, affectionate, and loving.
Are you in a relationship where domestic violence embraces the household? Let me guess, you are teaching your kids to stick it out no matter what. A commitment is crucial after all! Why not teach your kids that a commitment to themselves and to love themselves enough to not put up with such a relationship? Now that is something you can teach them!

Our fears may be reason for us to remain in such unhealthy situations. Which is worse, your own fears,
(or take my challenge and gather the fear that your kids could end up having the same relationship you have).
The main premise of this article is to trigger positive growth and actions towards happy and loving relationships. What can you do to enhance the love, passion, and togetherness in your relationship right now!? Or, if it is beyond repair, what are you doing to get the hell out. Remember, your children are watching…

Greg Dudzinski, MS, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Relationship & Sex Specialist