When The Fear of Rejection Creates Self Sabotage in Relationships

By Nick Arrizza M.D.

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If you are like most individuals I’m sure you’ve experienced some form of rejection at one time or other in your life. You may not realize it but the emotional charge associated with these memories remain stored within you along side their corresponding memories. They behave as what I call “emotional landmines” that can block one from being able to be fully intimate with another again. These “landmines” often lead to self sabotaging behaviours that lead to further rejection and relationship sadness. Now there is a way to permanently diffuse them so that you can reclaim your life.

Let me start first by saying that self sabotage occurs as a way of compensating for, or avoiding, the re-emergence of the old negative feelings associated with previous episodes of rejection. These can include feelings of heartbreak, sadness, devastation, loneliness, shock, inadequacy, feeling unlovable or unwanted, angry, shame, embarrassment, and so on.

The self sabotaging behaviours also often occur beyond the conscious awareness of the individual in question. Hence when they happen the individual is often surprised, shocked and perhaps frustrated with themselves for feeling so out of control. The fact is that they “are” out of control of themselves.

In other words, the behaviours are driven not by them but by what I refer to as “compensatory unconscious programming” that takes the helm of their lives and leaves them feeling like helpless and powerless passengers in their own bodies. The other sad thing about this is that self sabotage only serves to create more opportunities of rejection that then accumulate and coagulate with the original memory that started the process in motion. So what we have is a snowball effect which only gets larger and more ominous.

There is a way to break this cycle of self destruction. That is to completely erase/extract the original memory of rejection from the unconscious mind employing a simple coaching process that challenges using a simple question and answer algorithm the purpose of having the memories themselves.

Now here you might be scratching your head thinking “What the purpose of having the memory is? What in heaven is he talking about?”

Well, you may not realize it but all memories remain stored within your unconscious mind and body only when there is a purpose for them to be there. Clearly most negative memories are undesirable so you may already recognize that there really is “no’ purpose in having any of these there. Some of you may however think otherwise.

Let me give you an example. The purpose of having a memory relating to past rejection living inside you, as some might think, is to remind you that this could happen again and hence it serves as a lesson in how to protect yourself. Well, it turns out that if you were to follow this line of thinking to its logical conclusion you might surmise that such a memory should therefore make you feel safe, secure, resilient, comfortable, optimistic, confident and therefore more able to engage in an intimate relationship.

This of course is not the truth because as I think you can see the memory acts as an old wound that only serves to keep you feeling insecure, anxious, and alone.

The process I mentioned earlier is a powerful new modality that can literally extract/erase all negative memories from within leaving one feeling like new and as if their old negative memories actually never happened. I’m sure this may seem almost impossible to believe or accept as a possibility but it is and it has been for hundreds of individuals over the last 10 years.

If you are interested in learning more about this coaching process kindly visit the web site below where you can also request a free introductory telephone consultation.