I lived through a bad marriage…well, a terrible one…so I know all about being stuck in a relationship. I know what it’s like to be miserable every single day, and still stay. I know what it’s like to wish that you were anywhere except where you are. I know what it’s like to feel happy when your husband is gone, and sad when he gets back home.
Looking back from where I am now, I’m amazed that I was able to endure that marriage for as long as I did, but I was scared of leaving. Even though I had been a very independent woman prior to the marriage, after a dozen years I was terrified at the thought of being alone, of having to face all of life’s problems on my own.
I also know that I was far from alone in that fear. Since that time I have gotten to know many women who stayed in bad marriages because of fear. Can I really make it on my own? What if there won’t be enough stuckmoney? How will I get by? How lonely will I be? Will I regret leaving?
There are a multitude of reasons that we use to convince ourselves that we’re better off staying, no matter how bad it is, than we would be to strike out on our own. This is particularly true if you have been in an abusive relationship, in which your self esteem has been taken from you. In that case, you may feel pretty darn sure that you can’t make it on your own. You’d be wrong!
In my case, taking the steps that I needed to take to divorce my husband was scary, but once I’d done it, with lots of support from family and friends, I felt like I had been let out of a dark, depressing prison. I found out how wonderful life could be if you weren’t miserable all the time. I got a good job, pampered myself and my daughter in a way I hadn’t been able to before that, bought a new car, and bought a home of my own. Life was good!
If you’re feeling as miserable as I was in your relationship, look inside yourself, at the real reasons why you stay.
* Are you afraid that you won’t be able to take care of yourself financially?
* Are you afraid of being alone?
* Do you feel that if you leave the relationship you’ll never find another partner?
* Would you rather be unhappy and with someone than happy and alone?
* Do you think that your feelings about the relationship aren’t important?
* Are you staying because you think it’s best for the kids?
* Have you convinced yourself that everyone feels the way you do their relationships?
EFT can make a huge difference, in terms of helping you to get unstuck, but in order for your tapping to be effective, you need to find your own truths and tap on those. It’s not easy to acknowledge those thoughts and emotions that we may consider to be weaknesses, but in order to get from where you are…STUCK…to where you want to be, it is extremely important for you to do so.
Even if you start off with a setup phrase like, “Even though I feel stuck in this relationship and I’m not really sure why, but I’d like to move forward in my life, and I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.” As you tap on a phrase like that, you may very well have thoughts pop into your head about the actual reasons why you’re stuck. Give it a try..you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Good luck in both your self examination and your tapping!