We all want an abundance of self esteem.
And why not? Self esteem equates to confidence, being attractive (without having to fake it), and being a magnet for success, wealth, popularity, and a whole host of other goodies. The Law Of Attraction requires a genuine core of self esteem before it swings into action, bringing whatever we desire to us without our having to lift a finger. We don't have to earn what comes to us when we have lots of self esteem. It comes to us as a cosmic gift.
But if we don't already have that core, can we generate it by positive thinking? Not really! Positive thinking flows from self esteem, not the other way around. And it doesn't come from carefully tending our mental garden plot either, any more than weeding, fertilizing and watering makes our favorite plants grow. We can weed out all our negative thinking and still not see the flowers grow.
Why not? Because the seed has to have already been planted. And that's the part most of the RA RA programs out there don't understand, therefore fail to produce the desired result.
So where does the seed of self esteem come from? Connection. We all experienced connection before we were born. We didn't know what it was, but it fed us, removed waste products, and nurtured us from single cell to viable fetus. After our umbilical connection was severed, we continued to have emotional and mental connection to our human providers for at least a couple of years. That's how mommy knew what to do when we couldn't say an intelligible word.
So an even better analogy than tending seeds would be a hose connection. Self esteem is the natural experience of having connection to unlimited sources for whatever we need, whether it be emotional support (aka unconditional love), mental guidance, and spiritual abundance. Shaking the hose may be great fun--and even produce a few sprays of water on occasion--but the hose bib has to be connected and turned on before there is much volume.
What happened to most of us is that we never had a quality of connection that was sustainable. Or it didn't provide enough healthy nutrients for our seeds of esteem to take root and grow strong and healthy on their own.
How can we tell if we have viable connection? Take this simple YES TEST. Can you say yes to three simple statements?
I have enough! (without taking anything from anyone else)
I am enough! (on my own, without connecting to anyone else)
The universe is enough! (everyone has enough without anyone lacking what they need)
If we cannot affirm these statements whole heartedly, without qualification or condition, then our connection isn't complete and fully functional. Which explains why so many of us are trying out so many different kinds of strategies designed to make connection: with love partners, soul mates, family ties, children, pets, food, products of every kind designed to fool everyone that we are worth more, when deep down we know we are not.
And that's just on the human level. How about all the spiritual and religious pathways to connect with a divine source of plenty? Who doesn't have one or more practice that's geared toward appeasing, enticing, or demanding that the cosmos supply us with more of what we want?
Think about it? How many of the above mentioned things are you doing every day? Or perhaps only on Sabbath--and hoping that Divine Grace stays with you through the following Saturday night.
No wonder there are so many pathways back to Oneness with the ultimate source of everything. Only problem with that scenario is that once having made that one-way trip down the birth canal, it is mighty difficult to climb back into the womb!
Many of the unhealthy behaviors we see in ourselves and others around us are attempts to derive what we need from objects, companions, family, and close relationships. That's like trying to get enough water second hand from them, rather than finding a spigot that supplies clean water for ourselves.
What we need instead is a viable method of making connection with unlimited supply at a spiritual level. A cosmic hose bib, as it were. We need to realize that many of the avenues available to us, whether codified religious systems or new age spirituality, extract a high price and deliver often contaminated supply.
And we need connection to ourselves, as well. Few of us can say we know our innermost hearts--who we are as individualized spiritual beings as well as unique human beings. One of the main distractions for knowing ourselves are the people--real or televised--attempting to tell us to be someone else. Look different. Do something different. Live our lives in generic ways suitable to the purposes of someone else.
It's only when we have viable connection internally and to the creative power of the universe that we have enough flowing to us. Only then do we have that sense of being filled up that we commonly call self esteem. When we are full, we cannot not be valuable. Who can say we aren't valuable when universal sources demonstrate that we are?
For more on this and related topics, take a look at http://doihaftagrowup.com.
Gary Robertson is author of DO I HAFTA GROW UP, THE ADULT GUIDE TO UNFINISHED BUSINESS OF CHILDHOOD. Find out more at http://doihaftagrowup.com
As director of Springs Foundation, a non-profit organization, he designed a program called Growing Bones that allows clients to reclaim missing elements of their developmental foundation and become truly grown up. Springs Foundation offers healing methods based in Energy Psychology and Energy Medicine. Visit HTTP://springsfoundation.org for more information.