Do you ever wonder as I did why some children thrive in life are well behaved and are more successful than others?
Have you ever wondered why?
While working within childcare for 30 years I became intrigued as to why children behaved the way they did. I wanted to understand more and work out how I could help every child to have the chance to shine, be confident and reach their full potential in my nursery. While studying this subject I found some fascinating information and the answers became clear.
A Childâs behaviour is a direct result of how they feel!
How a child feels is a direct result of what they are thinking!
Let me explain more. Like our own, a childâs mind has tens of thousands of thoughts a day, which come from what others have said to them and from what they say to themselves. These thoughts include short statements, or sentences that go over and over in their mind. A childâs thoughts have a direct effect on how a child feels and how a child feels affects their behaviour.
The more positive the thoughts the more positive the behaviour will be. For example a young child starting nursery, who goes into class feeling miserable and shy and is thinking to himself that he hasnât got any friends and he wants to go home, is far less likely to attract some friends because he may be sitting alone and not wanting to go and play with the others.
Without realising it a child who misbehaves will have negative thoughts in their mind like an old record playing over and over, saying things like, âIâm naughty, no one likes meâ, âI donât want toâ and so on. Likewise a child who behaves well will have more positive thoughts in their mind and a better outlook on life. They will say things to themselves such as âI can do thisâ, âThis is funâ, âI can helpâ, âI have nice friendsâ and âI am goodâ.
So how can you as a parent help children to think better thoughts?
Â· Say positive things
As a parent you can teach your child to say positive things to themselves that will help them to be in a positive frame of mind which will improve their behaviour. You can help by ensuring that you make a positive environment and use positive affirmations throughout the day to help the children feel good. Just by having a positive vocabulary you can encourage the children to have the same outlook. If you are going throughout the day saying things like, âThis is goodâ, âThis is funâ and âYou are good childrenâ then you will definitely see the benefits.
Â· Use descriptive praise
You can use descriptive praise to help your child to feel good and be in a better mind-set. When you use descriptive praise as a general rule you need to say them at least 5-10 times more than you would reprimand a child. This will make the reprimand more powerful and you wonât damage the childâs self-esteem and make their behaviour worse. Being descriptive is telling them what they have done well, for example âThanks Michelle you have cleared the sand pit really wellâ, or âWell done Tom you tried really hard with your paintingâ.
What a child will think from your positive vocabulary and descriptive praise.
People like me â
I am a good boyâ
I am a good listenerâ
My teachers like meâ
I have good ideasâ
I am very creativeâ
I feel happyâ
I can do it!
These positive thoughts are bound to make a child feel better and consequently behave better. So remember if you are having trouble with you childâs behaviour then put some positivity into your childrenâs minds and see their behaviour improve.
If you find this information as facinating as I do and would like to know more, then please visit my website www.childbehaviourdirect.com
My name is Ruth Edensor I am a child behaviour consultant, the founder of Child Behaviour Direct and Author of 'A Parent's Guide to Children's Behaviour.' and the Parent's Guide to Children's Behaviour Programme. I have a degree in psychology and I am a member of the British Psychological Society. I have worked with children and parents for 30 years and my passion is everything to do with children's behaviour, which is why I love what I do.