There is a lie lurking in the collective human consciousness in regards to romantic love. Many people hold the belief that once they find the right person, they will finally be happy. They assume that the deep, nagging feeling that something is wrong that has underpinned every past relationship will magically fade away with "the one". They hold the belief that they are incomplete - one half of a whole - and that the right partner can somehow "complete" them and escort them into the land of happily ever after.
This lie is oft perpetuated by Hollywood and the media, as nearly every fairy tale has a victimized princess waiting to be rescued, and a lonely prince whose cold stone castle is in desperate need of a woman's touch. Neither of them seem to find any joy in life and tend to suffer miserably until they finally hook up.
Even after we grow too old for fairy tales, television programs and movies continue to keep this myth alive. For instance, in the 1996 hit movie Jerry Maguire, a hearing impaired couple shares a tender moment in an elevator as they supposedly sign, "you complete me" to each other before kissing.
I cringe every time I see that scene! (gotta tap on that with some EFTâ¦)
While this "you complete me" thing is a very romantic notion and makes for a great movie scene, it is an insidiously poisonous seed to allow to germinate in your heart.
Many of us are becoming aware that our hearts and souls are in need of something. A void persists no matter how we succeed in other aspects of our life because we have lost our connection to the divine and the higher aspects of ourselves. Because of this, we feel cut off from the nourishment of love and, in the throes of the pain of that disconnect, we wrongly assume we need something - or someone - outside of ourselves to fix it. We then venture out on the prowl, seeking to be completed by a partner in a romantic relationship.
However, when we join with another in hopes that they will finally "complete" us, what actually happens is that the relationship only serves to accentuate our own disconnectedness. We end up feeling either too attached and dependent (I am nothing without you/I can't live without you) or trapped and confined (I'm losing my individuality/you are taking away my freedom). Both perspectives, however, are illusions. That which we recoil from is always a reflection of our deepest, darkest selves, and the true nature of the "relationship problem" is the broken state of our own heart. The relationship is only a mirror of that state.
We must not lose ourselves in someone else, nor seek to find ourselves within another. A healthy romantic relationship is one in which two individuals come together to share wholeness, not to compensate for their own lack and disconnectedness.
A romantic relationship is a mirror and a gift. If we have the courage to look into that mirror, we can heal at a deeper level, reconnecting with the love that is within ourselves, in fact, the love that we ARE. Once we finally know there is nothing outside of ourselves that we need to seek, then and only then can we create a truly healthy love relationship.
So, what's your opinion?
Do you feel that a "soul mate" or "the one" will complete you?
Are you secretly waiting for a partner to pick up your slack and fix what's wrong in your life?
Could you be happy and feel complete without a romantic partner?
Carisa Holmes is a holistic health advocate, Reiki practitioner and author based in the Powell area of Columbus, Ohio. Carisa has worked in the holistic health and natural beauty fields for nearly 10 years.
Through overcoming a plethora of personal health issues and working with clients, Carisa has developed a clear understanding of the functions of the physical body as well as the more subtle layers of the human energy field.
In her practice, Carisa helps empower people to move toward higher levels of wellness. Using tools such as whole food, natural skin care and powerful yet gentle Reiki energy healing, Carisa helps clients lose weight without starving themselves, heal sickness and injury, increase energy levels and feel more calm, happy and alive.
Carisa is very grateful for the many things she has learned and is eager to share them with others. Carisa writes a health and wellness column for GrapeVine Columbus Diversity News Source and maintains a private practice in the Powell/Columbus, Ohio area.