Do you like him, maybe even love him, but inside you know that something is not quite right with the relationship? You are not sure if it is time to move on and the thought of being alone is terrifying. Will you end up alone during the holidays with your mother asking you "whatever happened to so and so" while the 7th chair at the table sits empty next to you a reminder of yet another failed relationship?
Are you afraid you will regret it if you did not give the relationship a chance? Does any of this resonate with you? if so and you have found yourself wondering on a regular basis if you should end your relationship,
This quiz will help you answer these questions once and for all.
Yes or No:
1. Are you unhappy with the relationship more than 50% of the time?
2. Does he disregard your feelings as unimportant?
3. Does he repeatedly put you down or insult you?
4. Are you 3rd or 4th on his priority list?
5. Is he unwilling to communicate and resolve issues in the relationship?
6. Does he lie or is evasive about how he spends his time?
7. Does he keep his phone, email and text message secret?
8. Do you feel starved for intimacy and physical affection?
9. Do you wonder if you would be better off without him at least once a day?
10. Do you have frequent fights over the same issues without any resolution?
If you answered yes to at least three of these questions your relationship needs an overhaul! Seek a qualified relationship coach or couples therapy and get back on track!
If you answered yes to 5 or more of these questions, you should leave this relationship sooner rather than later. You are not being valued and it is having a negative effect on your self esteem.
Here is why you should NEVER settle for "good enough".
I know it can be scary to be alone, especially if you have not been single in awhile. However, you owe it to yourself to not to stay in a relationship that is not working. In order for someone to love, respect and value you, you need to love, respect and value yourself. Staying in a situation where you are being mistreated is holding you back from living a full life and giving yourself the opportunity to meet someone who will see how great you really are!
"Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go."
If you are not ready to leave the relationship than at least begin by taking steps to honor yourself and your needs in the relationship. One of the most important commitment skills I teach is "Asking for What You Want".
Asking for what you want is such a critical skill because men are not mind readers. Even your true love cannot possibly know what you need to be happy, it is your job to know that! So if for example, if you answered yes to the question that you feel starved for physical intimacy, the next time you want some love and affection ask for it! Simply say, "I had a really rough day and I can really use a hug". Then don't forget to thank him and let him know that you appreciated and how much you enjoyed it.
If you have answered yes to many of the questions above and you may know in your heart that it is time to move on. Take a moment to really acknowledge yourself for your courage. it is scary to leave behind something that is not working. Then take a moment to congratulate yourself for making a self validating choice not to settle for less than you deserve!
The thought of being single can be scary and you may feel plagued with self doubt. The situation probably feels comfortable even if it is not good for you. At least you know what to expect. Moving into the unknown can be terrifying. What if you leave this relationship and you may never find another one? Or what if you end up in a worse situation than this one!
Just to reassure you, here are some great things about being single:
1. You get to know yourself and become comfortable with who you are!
2. You get all the covers in bed and you can have the temperature exactly the way you want it!
3. You have more time to pursue your career goals.
4. You have more time to pursue your hobbies and interests, take up yoga, write an e-zine article on your favorite topic, learn to scuba dive.
5. You get to decide what is really important to you in partner and not settle for anything less.
6. You can spend more time with your family and friends.
7. Your money is your own so you can take the vacation you have always wanted.
8. You can start taking care of yourself and you don't have to worry about anyone else's needs but your own.
9. You can find a partner who takes your needs too instead of you taking care of his without receiving anything in return.
10. You can date!
Wait a minute, did I say date? I know dating is not something you usually look forward to about being single. But maybe dating woudn't seem so bad if you had your pick of great single men. I know many women who never thought this would happen for them when they began dating. But when suddenly great men are blowing up your phone, you will know it can happen for you too. Dating is the best way to get really learn about what you are looking for in your true love and to help you get over a past relationship! So whatever you do, no matter what your age or dress size, everyone deserves true love.
"Everyone is someone's dream."
So love yourself, value yourself and create the life and relationship that you deserve!
If you are single and worried that you’ll never find true love or you are losing faith that your special person is ever coming... Pamela Vandervoort will help you find true and lasting love.
Pamela received her master’s degree in Spiritual Psychology from the University of Santa Monica and her Bachelor’s Degree in Communication Studies from the University of San Diego. Pamela can be found conducting workshops throughout California and is the owner of two successful Companies the “Art of Living Consciously” and “My Dating Support.com”.
For the last 5 years Pamela has been helping women get over the dating hump, stop wasting time, and find lasting love.