12 Step Programs
Finding The Voice Of God Within
By Michael Shiffman, Ph.D. and Juliet Soopikian, MS, MFT
Jan 23, 2008

A few months ago we overheard a conversation in a local coffee house between two AA members. One asked the other, "Do you meditate? I think I should, but I don't know what to do." The other replied, "Well, I just sit quietly for 5 minutes each morning and think about my day." The first then asked, "Do you find it helpful?" To which the second replied, "Not really, but I do it."

Meditation is a topic we rarely discuss with our friends. When we do, it is often in passing and in general terms like "Yes, it is good to do it - I say my prayers and then sit quietly." It is not a frequent meeting topic or the focus of speakers like other steps. This is why the AA 12 and 12 says that "we often tend to slight serious meditation . . . as something not necessary."

When people say they "meditate" they are all too often engaged in related activities such as reflection or contemplation. Various program writings suggest that we learn and integrate meditation into our daily routines, but they offer only minimal suggestions about what to do. Similar to the concept of "God as we understood Him," Bill and Bob placed the responsibility to investigate and adopt a way to meditate squarely in our laps.

As people in recovery we address several primary questions. What must I do on a daily basis to be comfortable in my skin? How do I increase my capacity to make decisions based on who I am today, rather than based on my habitual patterns from the past? How do I integrate what I learn and practice in my "program" into my everyday life experiences?

First and foremost, 12-step / 12-tradition programs are spiritual at their core. The first 10 steps lead us through a process of keeping our relationships with others clean. It is through the 11th Step that we make our first intentional effort to develop a spiritual awareness.

The 11th Step of Alcoholic Anonymous says "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." As it is often said, prayer is our talking to God; meditation is our listening to his answer. The question before us is "How do we listen?" And would there be any difference for our meditation practice if we have either a strong commitment to a particular belief in God, or don't believe in God at all? Meditation practices are a way to find the voice of God within.

Mantras (repeating a phrase over and over), guided imagery, merging with the light of a candle, and practices which are based in the control and management of thoughts and bodily functions (such as the breath) are methods which direct and control our attention. They replace the direct awareness of our thoughts and activities of the body with another activity. In the short run, this substitution can create an experience of concentration and serenity, but in the long run they neither train the mind nor sensitize us to our bodies.

As recovering people, we struggle to recapture our true being, own our thoughts and feelings, and rediscover the truth of our bodies. Our abuse tends to have alienated us not only from others, but first and foremost from ourselves. We suggest that the meditation practices most ideally suited to further our recovery would assist us to reconnect to our thoughts, feelings and body sensations.

There are a variety of meditation practices which focus on the breath, body sensations and activities of the mind. They are often referred to as "insight practices" or loosely called "vipassana". "Vipassana" is the Pali word ("Pali" is the language in which the Buddha taught) which means "to see clearly". Insight meditation directs us to be present for events as they are experienced in the moment.

Now you often hear people say, "I don't want to pay attention to my mind. My mind is out to get me!" Or, "an alcoholic alone is in dangerous company!" Moreover, most of us are all too familiar with the "obsession of the mind," and we have more than enough "data" to want to stay far away from our own minds. This actually does us a disservice.

When we are unable to allow our thoughts to just be thoughts without reacting to them the mind is indeed a scary place. But it is the untrained mind that fills us with obsessive thoughts and makes us feel crazy. We are not taught to focus our thoughts and observe the workings of our mind. By training the mind to observe our thoughts, feelings and body sensations as they are, without managing or controlling them, we develop our capacity to accept ourselves as we are today. A primary outcome of insight meditation is training the mind.

When we are upset or reactive to some person or event, we are often told to "let it go". When we ask, "How do I let it go? What do I do?" most people have little more to say than "just don't think about it". But we all know that is just fuel for the fire.

The problem is that we can't let go of anything we don't first own. And then, once we own it and take responsibility for it, we can't let it go because our minds just don't want to let go.

The secret is we can't let it go. But we can let it be. That is what meditation teaches us and why we meditate. To let it be. By letting it be we develop the skills of non-reactivity and acceptance. And as we know, ". . . acceptance is the answer to all my problems today".

Okay, so now the question is, "What do I do. How do I start to meditate"? Find a place where you can sit comfortably and remain alert for about 10 minutes.

Gently place your attention on the breath as it flows in and out of your nose. Use your breath as the focus and anchor. Use it as your frame of reference to know when your mind is wandering. Just watch it flow in and out.

Focus on the sensation of the breath as it touches the tip of your nostrils. By keeping a single focus, we start developing concentration and begin to train our minds. This may sound easy, but it is much more difficult than it appears. We use this focus to explore the sensitive interaction between our conscious intention to watch, and our unconscious impulse to control. By learning to simply watch our breath we discover ways we try to play God in our daily lives.

Thoughts will arise and you will loose your conscious contact with your breath. This is natural and inevitable. The critical issue is what you do when you discover your mind has wandered. You can condemn yourself for your lack of discipline, or you can celebrate this newfound moment of awareness. By celebrating the arising of awareness, these moments train our minds to be gentle and kind toward to ourselves. They teach us humility because we see how difficult it is for us to simply watch our breath without managing it. By emphasizing these moments of awareness we develop the skill to be increasingly more gentle and kind toward ourselves and others. We become less critical and more accepting.

After practicing this for several days you may come to be believe that you are even crazier than you thought! You will begin to see the workings of your mind up-close and under a magnifying glass. This may be frightening and you may want to stop meditating altogether. Don't worry. This happens to every one. It means that you are witnessing your undisciplined and wild mind. Is it unmanageable? Yes. Is there hope? Yes. Can you do something to change it? Yes. Just sit and watch it. It will settle down simply through the meditative process, not through an act of willfulness.

Just practice watching your breath. Notice when you manage it. Don't think about it. Just observe it, and as thoughts arise, gently return your attention to sensation of the breath as it touches the tip of your nostrils.

In the beginning we recommend that you do this for 10 minutes twice a day, everyday. We assure you that you will get much more from two 10-minute sessions that from one 20-minute session. Meditating twice a day will limit your frustration while giving you more frequent opportunities to reinforce a new habit.

We need to be clear about our intention. Think of meditation like a meeting. Approach it with an openness to see what happens, what insight may arise, or what new friend you may meet. Treat each moment as an opportunity for awakening.