Body Language
Shake Hands and Know !
By Anand K. Ghurye
Dec 9, 2004

Shake Hands and Know !

Our behaviour is a path to our inner self . How we behave in different circumstances gives indication of what we are , what we are thinking , what our normal and transient nature is . Any of our expressions can be traced to our nature and can be a rich source of information . Walking , talking , combing hair , standing , sleeping , sitting , looking and shaking hands all are such expressions . Shaking hands is an accepted ritual of greeting people . If we closely observe the process of shaking hands it can give us plethora of information .

Let us first understand the mechanism of shaking hands . While you are shaking hands please stand steady with a distance of about half meter in between your feet , back straight and look at the newcomer in the eye in a friendly way . Try to take in the friend as a whole at a glance. Notice as many things about him as possible - like at the first level his height , body posture , girth , weight distribution , hair density , age , color , thickness of limbs , color and texture of clothes , fitting of the dress . At second level you can notice the facial expression , body condition like tautness , perspiration and smell . At the third level you may notice the expression in the eyes .

As you offer to shake hands , do not overextend . Stand at a distance of about one meter from the other person , and extend your hand bent at elbow . Let him extend his hand rest of the way . Hold his hand in a grip that feels natural to you.

Now we come to the awareness part . The awareness here has to be through feeling alone. Some of the points which you need to be aware of are - Is his hand so big that it covers all of your palm ? Is his hand particularly small ? Are the fingers long or short ? How is the thumb placed on the hand ? Are the fingers fleshy , devoid of flesh , knotty , just too thick , or lean ? How is the texture of the hand ? It is rough on the surface and soft below or rough throughout or soft throughout ? How is the texture of the nails ? Are the nails smooth or opening up ? Are the nails bitten roughly at the ends ? How is the hand grip ? Does he offer the base of the palm or grips your hand by his fingers alone ? Is his thumb only is doing the holding job ? Does his palm just lie in your grip , or he squeezes softly ? Is the grip loose , tight , impatient or assuring ? Is his palm sweating or cold or warm ? Can you feel his pulse ? These are some of the areas you can be aware of .

Do not be in a hurry to let go the hand . Shake the hand up and down . Ease up and take a better grip. Then smile and let the hand go .

I know the question at the top of your mind which you want to ask . What does it all mean ? I have observed myself , I have observed the other person at all the three levels , I stood in the position you told me to and shook hands with the person in the way you suggested . I have gathered all the data . How do I squeeze information from all the data I have gathered ?

HERE IS THE CATCH !

All the data we have collected is relative and subjective data . It is relative to us and subjective to the extent our thinking and relating pattern . For example if I am very soft spoken person , I will feel everyone around talks in a loud voice . I am timid , I will feel everyone around is aggressive . And so on. Everything I perceive is relative to my frame of reference.

Thus the handshake is a multipurpose tool . We can understand the other person well when we understand ourselves better . The handshake tells you the kind of relationship you may be able to strike up with the next person . It talks about relationship and not about relative . ( Rishtedary is known , not necessarily the rishtedar . ) . It also tells you what kind of behavior will be welcome by the next person and if you are upto it .

Make a habit of shaking hands all around with proper awareness . Shaking hands with number of people will also start putting together the pieces of the jig saw called you . This will allow you to know yourselves better , have information about others and build bridges all around .

A ready reckoner table is given below for just about whetting your appetite in the subject. The table is not absolute nor final and needs to be used with proper care and caution .

The ready reckoner is based on extremes . This is management by exceptions . What is exceptional we are taking note of . Thus we do not have much explanation for medium grip but have one for loose grip or exceptionally strong grip . As we go along in the study of hand shaking , the extremes can be shrunk substantially and the middle area too starts making substantial contribution .

Big hand shows an eye for details , managerial person , methodical worker . Small hand shows big plans , visionary and imaginative nature , working by leaps and bounds .

Long fingers shows that the person takes time to think things out or to take decisions . It also shows lack of action or active energy . Short fingers show short fuse , temperamental person Bulging phalanges show happy go lucky materialistic existence , possessive person .

Perspiration shows high strung nature Strong grip shows possessiveness and power Fingers only grip shows superficial relationship or doubts about relationship .