This article is printed from http://www.SelfGrowth.com
Leaning: The Key Ingredient For Dads To Bond
By Peggy Collins
Feb 28, 2008
The other day I was doing an interview with a radio host that specializes in Dads. After we’d talked a while, he made this comment: “I never want my kids to know what I don’t know. They’ll think I’m weak.”
That statement is an American as apple pie, isn’t it? Macho man! Never let them see you sweat! Great image for a movie but how does it translate to real life?
Not well. You’re setting a standard for that little child who idolizes you. He or she will have to grow up to do the same for his and before you know it, you’re in a real pickle as the pace continues to speed up through technology.
Moreover, it distances you from that little one. When you’re able to say, “this isn’t one of Dad’s strengths. Let’s learn about it together.” or if it is one of his strengths, “maybe you’d be willing to show me how you did that?” You’re showing a vulnerability that bonds you to your child. You are human! Maybe you take the pressure off that he has to live up to the image of someone who’s bigger than life, someone he can admire from afar, but never reach. Not good for the self-esteem or the relationship.
Much, much later as he looks back, what do you want him to remember? That you were like a robot – tough, strong, never flinching or kind and interdependent helping him create his own worth through being valued by you!
Difficult? You bet! You’re making a decision to buck the system that says macho man is where it’s at. You’re making a personal decision and you’ll have to go it alone, not backed by advertising or your own perception of what a Dad should be. Give yourself permission to take baby steps with it.
1.Let your child see that you depend on her mother for something and verbalize it: “I need you to help me put this picture up” and to reinforce it by saying “I don’t know what we’d do if we didn’t have each other to depend on.”
2.To your child: “You’re so good with that game on the computer. Would you show me how so we can do it together?”
3.Find yourself saying, “I think the strongest men are those who can ask for help when they’ve tried but it’s not their strength”.
Leaning is a whole new way to look at bonding and creating more balance in your life!