Men's Issues
Men: Don't Bite Off More Than You Can Chew
By Monica Burns-Capers
Jan 23, 2008

Ladies.......have you been the woman on the receiving end of practically an “almost stalker type of man,” attempting to do whatever it takes to get a date or possibly develop a relationship with you? And once he finally gets the date, or you go even further and a relationship ensues between the two of you, he has no idea on how to treat or talk to you?

This is a classic case of “Don't Go To The Grocery Store Hungry Guys and If You Do, Stick With The Off-Brands Until You Are Sure You Can Afford The Fine Name-Brands!” These men end up with things that they know nothing about, can't do anything with, have no clue on how to mix the ingredients for making two different flavors come together to form one, and spend all their waking time trying to figure the whole process out again. So now what happens? These men modify and manipulate their own flavors by trying to feed the name-brands, their off-brand ingredients. They ignore the instructions on the box, by adding a little more of this and a lot more of that, resulting in a very bad creation of something they expect others to digest. They have been settling for the off-brands for so long, they actually think that there isn't a difference in the flavors and ingredients in the name-brands. (Some off-brand products are great, but keep in mind here people, that we are talking about interaction and communication between men and women, not actual groceries...it's just an analogy and metaphor!) Furthermore, my reference to women as “groceries,” is also just an analogy and a metaphoric expression describing a man dating a woman who is clearly of a much higher caliber than what his familiarities are.

I myself, have been in this situation a few times. The guy will get so excited about meeting me and we'll start to converse by phone first. Following many phone conversations to get a “feel” for the type of guy he might be, I agree to a date. (Thankfully, I am married now and don't have to go through this anymore!) Ladies let me tell you, their tongues get tied, they're nervous, and you have to practically hold their hands, so to speak, to get them through the date and simple conversation. Okay yes, he is taken by your beauty, intelligence and confidence; but before he makes that move in approaching you, he needs to understand that because you are beautiful, intelligent and confident - you have guys falling at your feet everyday. So any man that approaches you has to have his nerves in check, deliver his 30-second elevator speech quickly, and then you may think about it. Ultimately, he has to be able to deliver great conversation at all times.

So now you have been seeing each other for at least a couple of months. You are going out on regular dates and having fun, so you thought! Out of the blue, here he comes with this, “You Get Too Much Attention. I Don't Know If I Can Handle Being With You.” Ladies, this has nothing to do with you. He is an insecure man, whose eyes were much larger than his stomach when he first approached you. He was hungry, went grocery shopping, and thought he could actually handle the price and pleasantries of the name-brands. I guess he didn't know that the cost was a tad bit more if he wanted the experience. He knew he wouldn't be able to handle being in your presence, but he pursued you anyway. He pretended to be someone that he wasn't, and now his world is about to fall apart because he doesn't have a clue on how to keep you or talk to you.

Some men will also blame you when their insecurities flare up. They'll say something like, “Were You Smiling At That Guy?” Why Was He Gawking At You?” “Are You Seeing Him?” “If You Didn't Dress So Sexy When We Go Out, I Wouldn't Have This Problem!” Those statements are an attempt to turn his insecurities toward you and on you. He figures that if he can make you feel as if you are causing all of his inner turmoil, you will feel guilty. As this treatments persists and the longer you allow it, eventually your self-esteem and confidence will suffer in the process.

Guys.....never approach a woman whom you know - due to inner issues in your life at the present moment - you will never be able to have a relationship with. Okay so she's gorgeous, she passes by you everyday on her way to work, and you just gotta say something to her. Say Hi, Good Morning, or Tastefully Compliment her and keep it moving, especially when you honestly know that you are not ready for the experience.

Whenever you prematurely engage in anything in life, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. You've placed the level of value on yourself that you currently have and the universe will only meet the expectations set forth by you. You can't expect a woman of high caliber to become interested in you if you have low self-value. We see and know this before you even open up your mouth to breath. We'll get bored easily because you are making the responsibility ours in making you feel better about yourselves. You were not prepared. You spontaneously and impulsively jumped at what you thought was an opportunity. When you didn't get the results that you desired, it resulted in blame and belittling, which are sure fire ways to lose a beautiful, intelligent,and confident woman. And Why? Because she doesn't have to take the treatment and she won't. Men...do your homework, work on your inner issues, and remember to shop in your regular section of the grocery store, until you are sure you can afford the pleasantries of the fine name-brands.

Monica Burns-Capers
Copyright ©2008 Monica Burns-Capers

Monica Burns-Capers is an Expert Author, Freelance Writer, Consultant, Adjunct College Instructor and President/CEO of Monica Mi'Chelle Communications: A Professional Writing and Self-Development Firm. For More Information, Visit Her Website At: www.monicamburns.com.