Women's Issues
A Woman's Worth
By Gaye Abbott
Jun 8, 2008

A woman’s worth. I wonder what you are thinking and feeling when you read that phrase? Growing up as girls we get 1,000’s of messages from the outside – other people, situations, school, friends, and then later on lovers, boyfriends, bosses, etc. You get the picture. We are taught that our worth lies in what we do and how we do it, not who we are. We excel often, not for our own thrill of finding our potential and expressing our unique creativity, but out of a place of pleasing others, or even competition, thinking that if we just do it “good enough” that others will find us worthy of ________ (you fill in the blank). I can write about this because I am one of those girls who grew up into womanhood believing that it was what I did for others that determined my self worth. Now, at almost age 60, I can say – that is not it!!

The women’s leadership workshop, The Power of You, created by Beroz Ferrell,that I attended this year, had me reflecting a great deal on women embodying their own self worth. There is an innate worth that we are all born with. It precedes anything else. Look at the infant who expects, and demands, their needs to be meant just because. For most that is what they receive, by being themselves in the moment, even if that means crying at the top of their voice. Now, I am not suggesting that you “cry at the top of your voice”, but I am saying “live your passion” in alignment with the depths of who you are – and that may mean speaking more loudly than you are used to, or being in a way that is counter to what everyone else is doing.

Our culture is not set up to always honor individuality if it doesn’t fit into the mainstream, thus we get caught up in patterns of being that take us so far away from our innate authentic expression that we lose ourselves. It could be a job, a relationship, even spiritual practice where we think that being the woman that “fits in”; takes on more and more tasks or challenges; does the practice perfectly; or even succeeds the most at her own business - will get us the elusive self worth that we have been chasing for most of our lives. Now, if this doesn’t fit you, then bravo! You have something to teach to others! Let us hear from you! For most of us, however, we have struggled with our “self worth” most of our lives feeling that it was something that needed to be validated from outside of us, or something that we had to prove or get. I believe this is often true for men as well, but perhaps they have not consciously struggled with it to the extent that women have in what we have perceived to be a male thought dominated culture.

There is a word in women’s vocabulary that I hear so often that I wonder if we even realize we are saying it. A friend of mine told me a short time ago that when she lived in Japan this word preceded everything that you said – perhaps to preserve personal space – and she still hasn’t broken herself of the habit so many years later. This word is “sorry”.

"Sorry" is a word that women say often preceded by “I am”. It is almost as if we are apologizing for our expression, our being, or maybe even for taking up too much space. It has become such a "norm" for women to say this when it is not at all necessary. I do believe we have numbed out to the fact that we exchange this word many times a day and don't even realize it is so much a part of our vocabulary. What follows is an alternative way of re-patterning that I have had great fun with. Try it out and pass it on.

Here is a PRACTICE for you:
An opportunity was given to me to bring to the women's leadership workshop I attended recently an exercise that I learned in a play workshop for women last year. I now gift it to you to pass on. Every time you hear yourself say, or start to say, or even think, "I'm sorry" for no real reason REPLACE it with the words, "I'm so sexy!". It is fun, you are given the opportunity to feel another energy, and believe it or not, it breaks the mindless habit of saying those other words so many times a day. Take this as a practice for the week....and let me know what happens! I just gave it to our waitress at a local restaurant I went to and my friends and I watched her entire being shift in a matter of minutes. She went from a young woman that stated she was tired and “not with it” (thus apologizing to us) to a smiling, sparkling, engaging person. She then proceeded to brighten our breakfast with her much more energized whole self. Support your friends and "sisters" - and yourself - in confident, mindful, congruent, and passionate expression! I’M SO SEXY!

Remember Your Worth