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Do you know that all needy behaviors have an underlying cause that can immediately and easily be discerned, unearthed and deleted from your life? Do you know that such behaviors are based in old negative memories from your past that are stored in your subconscious mind and which serve as ... Views: 19
Do you know that many people feel continually attracted by toxic relationships that are destructive emotionally, mentally and sometimes physically? Do you know this attraction is actually another form of addiction, much like that to food, cigarettes and drugs?
Do you know the force that ... Views: 46
One of my clients complained that her boyfriend had an annoying habit of constantly chewing gum. It drove her crazy! "Aside from that, he's perfect." she exclaimed. "But how do I get him to stop? He knows it bugs me yet he continues to do it. He says he's not doing anything wrong and then ... Views: 63
Have you ever been abandoned in a relationship? If so and you are still carrying the memories of the abandonment then your relationship life is at risk of repeating this same event again and again. Why and what can be done about it?
The memory of the abandonment gets stored within you along ... Views: 93
I enjoy a good robust debate. I find it can be very stimulating and present an opportunity for me to learn something new. In every facet of life, we encounter individuals with whom we have disagreements. Recently, a woman in her forties came into my office seeking suggestions as to how she could ... Views: 98
"The sharpest sword is a word spoken in wrath." (The Buddha).
A little boy, prone to anger, was told by his father, "Every time you're angry, drive a nail in that wooden fence. When you've learned to control your anger, start removing them." Six months later, the boy had removed every nail ... Views: 109
Road rage is one of the leading causes of accidents and deaths in this country. According to a report by CNN, an estimated 28,000 people each year are killed due to aggressive drivers. It's easy to see how cities such as Miami, NY, Boston, LA, and Washington DC (the cities with the most ... Views: 100
Difficult people - ya gotta love em! Or not. Whether you do or don't, it's a fact of life that they are all around us - in our families, places of employment, communities, social events, and everywhere else. For whatever reasons, we all have personal issues that cause us to behave in ways others ... Views: 160
To Appease or not to Appease
Is placating the answer?
By Merna Throne, M.S.
I thought this was a good topic to finally write about as I know so many people go through this mental dilemma, but they endure in silence and their relationships suffer ... Views: 89
My life has had so many twists and turns some good and some bad but I am now at an age that I need to look at every aspect to see what is good for me and what I can change if it isn't helping me. I have found that my mind is very cluttered with things that are not really needed. I am a worrier ... Views: 92
Conflict and fighting are not synonymous. Although they very often go hand-in-hand, disagreements need not end up as arguments, fights, or physical altercations. A conflict is simply two forces in opposition: a husband and wife disagree on where to spend their vacation; you support the ... Views: 145
Since the beginning of time, wars have been fought in an effort to bring about peace. Have we accomplished that yet? Maybe violence isn't the answer.
I am a peace lover. Not only do I promote peaceful coexistence but I also live peacefully with others. I do not argue or fight; I do not ... Views: 85
It is normally to hear people talk about the things they wish to start going. We hear it so much it becomes dull to our ears. We learn to ignore those statements. It makes no logical sense for us to encourage a person speaking of the things they ought to be doing. We already know by the ... Views: 193
At some stage in almost all situations involving two or more people, there will be either explicit or covert conflict. How the participants or leader deals with this conflict has enormous importance for the future functioning of that relationship or group and its ability to function. Below are ... Views: 39
Does this sound familiar: “Would you mind if I give you a little feedback?” Or, “Can I be honest with you?” (Here comes the criticism!). You know what’s coming and your body reacts immediately. Maybe you catch yourself holding your breath for a moment, your heart picks up a beat, or your ... Views: 193
If you hate conflict, you could spend a long time stewing in your anger before you express it to the person who caused it. By then, your anger may have built to levels beyond reason. Or maybe you zipped off an e-mail, comforted by the fact that technology helped you avoid a face-to-face ... Views: 111
(Excerpt from BUILT TOUGH? )
I often meet people who refer to themselves as tough. My perception, at times, is quite the opposite: I see them as mean-spirited. What exactly does it mean to be tough?
Ford Motor Company manufactures several size trucks. Their tag line is "Ford trucks, built ... Views: 233
Perceptions are based only on what our senses tell us. They aren't always accurate and most certainly can fool us. Independent of reality, perceptions are powerful, for they determine how we experience life. The placebo effect is a great example which demonstrates this amazing truth.
From the ... Views: 142
At a young very young age our minds are fed with notions like "take pride in the work you do" or "be proud of yourself", but do we value the consequences of holding this lens on the world? I remember hearing voices from teachers and coaches telling me to "hold your head up to the world and take ... Views: 225
What do you do when you are SO angry you want to rip someone’s head off? You actually think you COULD drown your kids or bash someone with your shopping trolley and you are not sure how to control it. In those moments, if another hippy tells you “you need to relax” or recommends that you try ... Views: 336
Conflict: two forces in opposition. Resolution: the process of finding a mutually satisfying solution. There's nothing threatening here yet for many they'd rather have a root canal rather than try to resolve a dispute. They either seek a quick departure or prepare themselves for an ugly battle. ... Views: 232
People often tell me, "My problem is that I'm just too nice! That's why I get hurt a lot." But what they perceive as a case of terminal politeness, I see as an issue of passive behavior. Don't misunderstand: most of these people truly are nice. But those who are yes people, who don' t disagree ... Views: 250
Dear Dr. Romance:
What causes one to constantly sabotage oneself? Why would someone constantly put up their own roadblocks?
Being out of touch with one's own wants and needs is a primary way to self-sabotage. Getting in your own way is all about how you relate your ... Views: 179
“To All Divorcing Parents
Your children have come into this world because of the two of you. Perhaps you two made lousy choices as to whom you decided to be the other parent. If so, that is your problem and your fault. No matter what you think of the other party-or what your family thinks of ... Views: 237
Most of us put a lot of emphasis on our relationships: family, friends and significant others. But, did you know that the relationship you have with everyone else is based on your relationship with you? That’s right, the closer you get to other people, the more you treat them the way you treat ... Views: 201
Sixteen years ago, I moved to a quiet dead-end street. Imagine my dismay when I discovered that I lived near a teenage heavy metal band! As day turned to evening, my silent haven was interrupted by the sound of innocent drums and guitars being tortured!
I was angry. I phoned the police ... Views: 380
"Idiots" are simply people like you and I who are struggling with unresolved personal issues ranging from low self-esteem to ego, insecurity to poor impulse control and more. While it is acceptable to regard the behavior as idiotic, it is never permissible to label the individual as such. People ... Views: 268
One of the trends I dislike in our culture is the reluctance of people to take responsibility, or to respond with care to each other. In my counseling practice, I hear a lot of self-justification, mind-reading, defensiveness, blaming and complaining; which is why relationships, friendships, ... Views: 310
Isn’t it Time to Stop the Bio- Mother ~ Stepmother Animosity?
Your stepchild’s Bio-Mom (BM) will always be a part of your life.
Over the years you will both attend graduations, sporting events, family celebrations, marriages, births, grandchildren, illness or death of a mutually ... Views: 465
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Forgiveness - by Don Neviaser, DBA Forward Motion For Life!
Practicing forgiveness is a two tiered path to inner peace that can diminish or eliminate emotional drains that no longer have a place in your life. One level lies in the ability to completely forgive others, which allows you to move beyond lingering negative emotions that may still be clouding ... Views: 486
Most of us have been taught that love is a commodity. Something someone either has for us or not. Something that can either be given or taken away, won or lost.
Thus, we become dependent on an ‘other’ to make us feel happy and secure. But any dependency can be fraught with distress and ... Views: 296
We speak languages that often represent our thoughts, cultural beliefs, religious beliefs, viewpoints and serve as communication needs in all over the world. Our languages contain different words for different feelings such as being happy, grieved, cheer full, cool, indifferent, warm, hot, ... Views: 379
He says no…she says yes. She wants to go to her best friend’s for Thanksgiving dinner, he’s firm about going to his parents’. She wants a change…he wants the same. Suddenly you’re not feeling thankful for anything at all. Sound familiar? So, how do you put the thankful back into ... Views: 423
With the holidays around the corner, and before the stress and panic really hit, make this a time to look at your relationship and take inventory to see what’s working and what isn’t. Begin to NURTURE your relationship NOW, in new and more effective ways, so that the holidays can ... Views: 1168
Are you tired of feeling stressed and angry during the holidays? Do you want this special time of the year to be filled with peace and joy? Do you wish for a fight-free holiday season with your loved ones? Make your Christmas wish come true by following these simple guidelines that will turn ... Views: 492
With the holidays fast approaching, our emotions seem to jump all over the place. We’re excited, anxious, stressed, because there’s so much to plan, and we want the holidays to be perfect. Yet, the thought of the holiday dinner quickly reminds us of past events that have been anything but ... Views: 522
After a separation or divorce, the first holiday season can bring tremendous stress and sadness, in addition to feeling overwhelmed and frightened. Coping with loss and grief, coupled with changes in familiar patterns and traditions, can magnify your feelings about the separation or divorce ... Views: 516
Most of us have grown up with some version of the Golden Rule that includes doing unto others as you would have them do to you and loving your neighbor as yourself. Most of us think of the rule as encouraging us to be kinder to others. Such thinking is completely backward. We already do love our ... Views: 378
For most of us, we want the holidays to be fun and exciting. But more often than not, the holiday season evokes tension and stress. By spending more money than our budgets allow, or going overboard by eating the wrong foods, or taking on too many activities…these external stressors are only a ... Views: 1282
"In my mind are thoughts that can hurt or help me. I am
constantly choosing the contents of my mind."
--Dr. Gerald Jampolsky
There are many ways of being addicted and many purposes an addiction serves. Addiction to anger ... Views: 705
Although the ego is often the loudest voice speaking within oneself, vociferously arguing for its own viewpoint, and vehemently demanding limitless, immediate, sometimes inappropriate, recklessly impulsive, potentially addictive, gratification of its insatiable desires and cravings, it is not ... Views: 733
"Webster's Dictionary" defines forgiveness as "ceasing to feel resentment against someone who has offended us in some way." How do we cease to feel resentment towards someone we feel has harmed us -- especially if that person in no way acknowledges any wrong doing? And why would we want ... Views: 513
Where has all the love gone that you once felt for your partner? Do you seem to fight about everything? Has your partner become your enemy? How did it happen?
These are common questions I address time and time again in my private practice. The process of “building a case against our ... Views: 1845
She's strikingly beautiful: tall, large oval-shaped eyes, full lips, dark flowing hair. Her exotic look could land her on the cover of any fashion magazine. Her personality perfectly suits her ample frame. She's outgoing and bubbly, intense and opinionated and I've enjoyed the two years she's ... Views: 468
As summer ends, we see the light changing and the days becoming shorter and shorter. That fall chill in the air seems to come out of nowhere, and we often begin to sense sadness and maybe even depression, prompting us to think, what’s that all about? Though fall is beautiful with the leaves ... Views: 491
Unless someone is completely vicious, no one enters a marriage with the intention of destroying it, yet the divorce rate gets higher every year and couples, even if they don’t divorce, are often unhappy and in loveless marriages. By being aware of what you may be doing in your marriage that ... Views: 707
We’re a cult of list makers. We make to-do lists, grocery lists, packing lists, and now a list of must-have qualities for our potential partner. She needs to be independent, yet be devoted; he needs to earn a good living, yet have enough time for her. He needs to have follow-through on his ... Views: 667
We all seem to think that we need to find our perfect mate or soul mate. But does a perfect mate even exist and, if so, does this mean that the only way to be happy is to find this perfect soul mate? What if you don’t? What if you spend your entire life looking, only to end up alone in your ... Views: 899
When we don't understand what happened in the conflict, we always look for WHAT or WHO caused the conflict. While trying to figure things out, it's helpful that we trace and discuss things over. However, if people are quick to put a blame on people frantically, this is a problem.
Blaming is ... Views: 572
One of the hardest things to do is to leave a relationship. A more difficult undertaking is staying out. Maybe it wasn’t so bad. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough. Maybe she could change after all. Maybe I could put up with more than I thought; after all, I do love him.
When we leave our ... Views: 648