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I'm reasonably confident in saying that there's not a person on this planet who has not felt unfairly judged at some point. While we may feel justified in imposing verdicts on one another, when we are on the receiving end the feeling can be quite hurtful. It is not uncommon to react with anger, ... Views: 20
Summary: Not two sides to a coin—there's also an edge, and there's a third, not easily seen option to fighting the New World Order and dying versus selling out to it and the false worship (Rev 13:14-17). God who “declares the end from the beginning” (Isaiah 46:10) has provided a way to escape ... Views: 34
Several years ago, I had a client whose nine-year old son had anger issues. His doctor diagnosed him with ADD and suggested medication to quell his angry outbursts. "What do you think?" the mother inquired of me. Not an advocate of prescription medications (with the exception of the most extreme ... Views: 47
Conflict: one of the most feared words in the English language and sadly one of the most misunderstood as well. My mission: to bring deeper awareness to this benign term, to remove all preconceived negativity associated with disagreements, and to reinstate it's position of value in our ... Views: 55
We are educated, informed, smart and vigilant. Even then we make wrong choices, wrong decisions, keep guilts and miseries. In one way or the other we suffer from our own misjudgments and misperceptions. We cannot control our mistakes from being happen and cannot save ourselves from being ... Views: 49
We all have different types of personalities, attitudes, moods, emotions, languages, cultures, beliefs, values, traditions, customs, and priorities in life. We share a few commonalities and the big differences even when we live together as a family member, a part of a social group and being a ... Views: 72
We’re all in denial. We’d barely get through the day if we worried that we or people we love could die today. Life is unpredictable, and denial helps us cope and focus on what we must in order to survive. On the other hand, denial harms us when it causes us to ignore problems for which there are ... Views: 65
I've been presenting seminars on healing anger for twenty years and it never ceases to amaze me how much misinformation is circulating about one of life's most powerful emotion. I've decided it is time to debunk some of the most common myths. So without further ado, let me begin with...
Myth ... Views: 81
When we live with someone we have to share many things from food to bed. In couples, usually arguments arise due to having a contradictory point of view about one object. Do you want to know what is the real truth about your partner with respect to love, sex and intimacy? Are you aware of your ... Views: 93
They all complained about the daily gossip that ran rampant among them. Every one participated in it yet ironically no one could understand why they would be targeted. In the fifteen years I worked at the battered women's shelter, both staff and residents criticize those who engaged in rumors ... Views: 86
I abhor rumors and gossip. They're petty, destructive, and hateful. Yet, truth-be-told, I have engaged in gossip from time-to-time. I'm not proud of it, just honest. I could try to justify it by saying that I've only done so out of concern for others. Sometimes the sharing of information about ... Views: 92
Do you enjoy a good fight? I don't but I know some people who do. Regardless of who we are interacting with, differences of opinion, issues , and conflict will arise periodically. Some approach arguments with zest, others with great trepidation, and some avoid them at all costs. There are times ... Views: 117
Summary: Daniel was told to seal his book “till the time of the end,” but his book defines that time. His vision [chazon] of a ram and goat is at the time of the end, Daniel 8:17. Historians confirm the ram as the Medes and Persians conquered by Alexander the Great, but that was not the time of ... Views: 124
As an entrepreneur and small-business owner, you have a lot of responsibilities. You’re ultimately in charge of all aspects of your company, and trying to keep up with everything can be highly time-consuming.
Many business leaders are finding that employee empowerment can help ease some of ... Views: 159
The first verse of the Beatitudes in the Bible says, "Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the Earth." Like many others, I always had difficulty with the term meek. To me, it was synonymous with being weak. And yet nothing could be farther from the truth.
The word meek comes from the ... Views: 133
The Victim Tyrant Cycle
By Julie Roberts, Ph.D.
This paper is about adults and not children. Children don’t have a choice when they are victims (they can’t leave their situation and if they do speak, often they aren’t heard). Adults have choice when they can see beyond the pattern that keeps ... Views: 119
Do you ever wonder why it's so hard to break a habit? Whether it's biting your fingernails, the way you speak, or your reaction to drivers who cut you off on the highway, old habits die hard. The reason being is that behaviors, when repeated frequently enough, become habitual. We no longer ... Views: 170
"One of my coworkers is so annoying! She's always making personal calls when she's supposed to be working. Then when she can't finish her work she asks me for help!"
Recently, one of my clients (a mechanic) complained about missing tools. "We are all responsible for our own tools. I keep mine ... Views: 120
Each one of my children threw one temper tantrum in their lives. As with all toddlers, overwhelming frustration can lead to a meltdown of epic proportions. I was not the kind of mother who would wait patiently until them calmed down. Not me! I walked right up to them, grabbed their shoulders, ... Views: 148
“I want to learn how to say No so it doesn’t turn into an argument,” David said. He’d been married about two years, and came to my office asking if I could help him learn to talk with his wife “without getting so upset when we disagree.”
“I’m fine doing things her way most of the time,” he ... Views: 175
I was an instructor at the Learning Annex in NY City for many years. Classes ended at 9 pm and the ride home was a long one. One evening, after teaching an anger management course for three hours, I pulled into my driveway around 11 pm, exhausted and anxious to crawl into bed. I pulled my car ... Views: 146
Disagreements - those annoying irritations that throw a monkey wrench into our otherwise blissful lives and disrupt any possible chances we have of experiencing serenity and joy. Augh! "Why can't people simply agree with me, even if they don't, and just allow us to coexist peacefully? But, no - ... Views: 161
Why is it so hard to talk to one another? Unless you're a recluse, it's something we all do every day. Perhaps because I'm a motivational speaker, author, and radio host I can talk ad infinitum. I actually find it enjoyable and relatively easy. Yet there is a significant difference between ... Views: 178
We've all found ourselves in situations where we feel as though we're caught between a rock and a hard place. Faced with making a necessary decision, our choices are less than favorable and all options have potentially serious consequences. Your best friend confides that she's having an affair ... Views: 194
I see clients ever week who ask me to teach them how to control their tempers. "I'm not the person to help you with that. Controlling anger can be hazardous to your health and to the safety of those around you." Most often, they stare at me in disbelief. "Controlling anger takes an enormous ... Views: 196
The trouble with arguments is that they don't work.
I'm not talking about a good debate, where you have some great ideas, and they clash, and you start a healthy back-and-forth that feels fun. I mean arguments – where tension starts to rise, responses start to get personal, and you go around ... Views: 222
Everybody gets angry, even me. Professionally, I've been helping people understand and reduce their anger for twenty years. And in all honesty, I do practice what I preach. I experience far less anger and frustration than I did when I was younger, perhaps some of which is due to age. People ... Views: 174
Few people I know like to the process of resolving disagreements. In fact, when they hear "conflict" they automatically equate it with fighting. Yet one is not comparable to the other. Conflict is simply two forces in opposition. Fighting is defined with such words as "violent, battle, combat, ... Views: 241
I've been blessed in my life. I've had eighteen dogs, all of whom were sweet and loving. I've never had an aggressive dog with the exception of one - Huggy Bear. Huggy was a black Great Dane that came to us when he was just a pup. Big floppy ears, giant paws, and a single white spot on his chest ... Views: 252
I don’t want or need to change my behavior. This is probably the most common reason for not changing how anger is expressed. No change is likely until the abuser ‘puts down the binoculars and picks up a mirror.’ Often shame is at the core of men and women who are ... Views: 428
Anger Management skills can be helpful for people ranging from the mildly miffed to the violently vengeful. You do not need to be in a physically violent relationship to benefit from understanding and learning about communicating angry and hurt feelings constructively. Secondly, if you are ... Views: 343
One of my clients complained that her boyfriend had an annoying habit of constantly chewing gum. It drove her crazy! "Aside from that, he's perfect." she exclaimed. "But how do I get him to stop? He knows it bugs me yet he continues to do it. He says he's not doing anything wrong and then ... Views: 325
I enjoy a good robust debate. I find it can be very stimulating and present an opportunity for me to learn something new. In every facet of life, we encounter individuals with whom we have disagreements. Recently, a woman in her forties came into my office seeking suggestions as to how she could ... Views: 316
"The sharpest sword is a word spoken in wrath." (The Buddha).
A little boy, prone to anger, was told by his father, "Every time you're angry, drive a nail in that wooden fence. When you've learned to control your anger, start removing them." Six months later, the boy had removed every nail ... Views: 423
Road rage is one of the leading causes of accidents and deaths in this country. According to a report by CNN, an estimated 28,000 people each year are killed due to aggressive drivers. It's easy to see how cities such as Miami, NY, Boston, LA, and Washington DC (the cities with the most ... Views: 290
Difficult people - ya gotta love em! Or not. Whether you do or don't, it's a fact of life that they are all around us - in our families, places of employment, communities, social events, and everywhere else. For whatever reasons, we all have personal issues that cause us to behave in ways others ... Views: 370
To Appease or not to Appease
Is placating the answer?
By Merna Throne, M.S.
I thought this was a good topic to finally write about as I know so many people go through this mental dilemma, but they endure in silence and their relationships suffer ... Views: 217
My life has had so many twists and turns some good and some bad but I am now at an age that I need to look at every aspect to see what is good for me and what I can change if it isn't helping me. I have found that my mind is very cluttered with things that are not really needed. I am a worrier ... Views: 320
Conflict and fighting are not synonymous. Although they very often go hand-in-hand, disagreements need not end up as arguments, fights, or physical altercations. A conflict is simply two forces in opposition: a husband and wife disagree on where to spend their vacation; you support the ... Views: 437
Since the beginning of time, wars have been fought in an effort to bring about peace. Have we accomplished that yet? Maybe violence isn't the answer.
I am a peace lover. Not only do I promote peaceful coexistence but I also live peacefully with others. I do not argue or fight; I do not ... Views: 257
It is normally to hear people talk about the things they wish to start going. We hear it so much it becomes dull to our ears. We learn to ignore those statements. It makes no logical sense for us to encourage a person speaking of the things they ought to be doing. We already know by the ... Views: 358
At some stage in almost all situations involving two or more people, there will be either explicit or covert conflict. How the participants or leader deals with this conflict has enormous importance for the future functioning of that relationship or group and its ability to function. Below are ... Views: 108
Does this sound familiar: “Would you mind if I give you a little feedback?” Or, “Can I be honest with you?” (Here comes the criticism!). You know what’s coming and your body reacts immediately. Maybe you catch yourself holding your breath for a moment, your heart picks up a beat, or your ... Views: 369
If you hate conflict, you could spend a long time stewing in your anger before you express it to the person who caused it. By then, your anger may have built to levels beyond reason. Or maybe you zipped off an e-mail, comforted by the fact that technology helped you avoid a face-to-face ... Views: 236
(Excerpt from BUILT TOUGH? )
I often meet people who refer to themselves as tough. My perception, at times, is quite the opposite: I see them as mean-spirited. What exactly does it mean to be tough?
Ford Motor Company manufactures several size trucks. Their tag line is "Ford trucks, built ... Views: 406
Perceptions are based only on what our senses tell us. They aren't always accurate and most certainly can fool us. Independent of reality, perceptions are powerful, for they determine how we experience life. The placebo effect is a great example which demonstrates this amazing truth.
From the ... Views: 230
At a young very young age our minds are fed with notions like "take pride in the work you do" or "be proud of yourself", but do we value the consequences of holding this lens on the world? I remember hearing voices from teachers and coaches telling me to "hold your head up to the world and take ... Views: 419
What do you do when you are SO angry you want to rip someone’s head off? You actually think you COULD drown your kids or bash someone with your shopping trolley and you are not sure how to control it. In those moments, if another hippy tells you “you need to relax” or recommends that you try ... Views: 490
Conflict: two forces in opposition. Resolution: the process of finding a mutually satisfying solution. There's nothing threatening here yet for many they'd rather have a root canal rather than try to resolve a dispute. They either seek a quick departure or prepare themselves for an ugly battle. ... Views: 496
People often tell me, "My problem is that I'm just too nice! That's why I get hurt a lot." But what they perceive as a case of terminal politeness, I see as an issue of passive behavior. Don't misunderstand: most of these people truly are nice. But those who are yes people, who don' t disagree ... Views: 399