"An adolescent's job is to become his/her own person by achieving gradual separation from the parents (both physical and psychological) and establishing his/her own identity. This is a tough job because adolescents are (unconsciously) scared of both the separation process and the exploration needed to establish an identity and because these are experienced as new--and compelling--demands, and they don't know how to meet them.

"A parent's job is to understand what the adolescent is trying to do, why it's compelling to him/her, and how to get out of the way, on the one hand, and provide structure where it's needed, on the other. This is why I say that parenting adolescents is a balancing act."

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"One reason a teen's lies upset parents so much is that the parents realize that the teen is choosing not to 'let the parent in' on everything that is going on in the teen's life. This is a necessary exclusion--part of the separation process--but it can feel agonizing to the parent." (See my article on lying in adolescence under the articles section of ths page.)

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"Your job as a parent is not to control your teen's behavior, but to facilitate your teen's increasing ability to control his/her own behavior."

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"Never devise a consequence that you can't enforce."

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"If it's not broke, don't fix it--set limits only in areas that are proving problematic. If your kid is doing okay, leave him/her alone."

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Jean Walbridge is glad to receive inquiries regarding her services. 

To contact Jean Walbridge:

phone: 847 926 8328

postal address:

Jean Walbridge, LCSW

1803 St. John's

Highland Park, IL 60035

USA

email:

jbridge@parentingadolescents.com

You can visit Jean's web site at http://www.parentingadolescents.com .