John Gottman has appeared on a number of TV programs, including The Oprah Winfrey Show, Good Morning America, and the Today Show. He has also been featured in articles from such publications as The New York Times, Ladies Home Journal, Redbook, and Reader’s Digest.

• In the last decade or so, science has discovered a tremendous amount about the role emotions play in our lives. Researchers have found that even more than I.Q., your emotional awareness and abilities to handle feelings will determine your success and happiness in all walks of life, including family relationships.

• I liken an affair to the shattering of a Waterford crystal vase. You can glue it back together, but it will never be the same again.

• We have a group of very passionate, romantic couples. They sort of enjoy the bickering and the arguing…to them, it symbolizes real involvement and connection.

According to many relationship books, the key to a solid marriage is communication. Phooey, says John Gottman. He says there is much more to a solid, emotionally intelligent marriage than sharing every feeling and thought, though most therapists ineffectively and expensively harp on these concepts. In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. Gottman discusses his view on how to make for a successful marriage. I recommend it as the best place to start.

Dr. Gottman studied marriage by using rigorous scientific procedures to observe the habits of married couples. In the book, he shares the four not-so-obvious signs of a troubled relationship and includes a series of in-depth quizzes, checklists, and exercises similar to the ones found in his workshops. These are his seven principles for making marriage work:

• Maintain awareness of your partner’s world.

• Foster fondness and admiration.

• Turn toward instead of away.

• Accept your partner’s influence.

• Solve solvable conflicts.

• Cope with unresolvable conflicts.

• Create shared meaning.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is a great book if you want to improve your marriage. Dr. Gottman also has an audio and video program for it.

ADDRESS: Relationship Research Institute

4000 NE 41st Street, Building G

Seattle, WA 98105

PHONE: 206-832-0300

WEBSITE: www.gottman.com