Topic Options 
|
|
|
|
|
#14191 - Jul 27, 2009 03:54 AM
hard relationship question (please read)
|
Jennifer Rathe
member
Registered: Jul 27, 2009
Posts: 1
 |
Offline |
|
Sticking in a bad relationship or trying to be with a new person?
i feel forced into my engagement. I saw he typed to another girl he wants to marry her. and myself, i'm not so sure about marrying who i'm currently engaged to. if i have kids with the guy i'm engaged to now i don't know what kind of father he'd be and i don't like the thought of it really. besides, him and i been trying over a year so i feel it's not meant to be.
and besides feeling "forced", i also feel "stuck"... b/c i don't drive, i'm scared to.. not much money to take the path it takes to get a car (money for liscense and the car and gas, etc)... i'm currently unemployed in a small city. a small city that the economy made it harder to get into a job... people here don't like me that much. and i hate living here... i can't wait to get out... i'm afraid my life won't get any better. towns are like 100 miles away from us... then how would i take my stuff? it's like i'm stuck in every way.. and i want to move on with my life.. but i don't want to be single.. all guys i talked to want me to go to them... i do feel like i'm unstable... so i need all the help i can get... i hope this site can help me. i got an oppertunity to be with another guy but it may be a one time deal and i couldn't stay with him then i'll be left with no one. my fiance would find out... and i'm not sure how into me the new guy is... i'm so torn like never before.. ask me for more info. and i'll give it to you.. it's late and i'm tired so right now i can't think.. constantly i'm thinking about how i am going to do all this.. i feel i don't deserve to gotten to age 19... i am so poor and i guess helpless.. but plz help me if u can... ty if u try...
|
| Top |
|
|
|
#15498 - Sep 9, 2009 05:27 PM
Re: hard relationship question (please read)
[Re: Jennifer Rathe]
|
maurice tate
member
Registered: Aug 10, 2009
Posts: 5
|
Offline |
|
I suggest you do not marry anyone if you have doubts. It is much better to be single than in a bad relationship. Be selective with who you go out with. If you can be happy single you will attract a much better man than being needy.
|
| Top |
|
|
|
#15620 - Sep 14, 2009 08:42 PM
Re: hard relationship question (please read)
[Re: maurice tate]
|
Rachel Johnson
member
Registered: Sep 16, 2008
Posts: 3
|
Offline |
|
I would love to help you and I know that no matter what I will say you will do whatever you decide. I will share some of the lessons I learned after years of suffering. I now I read them in self-help books, obviously many others have learned the same lessons.
Everything that you say reveals how needy you are at the moment. I have been there. I married when I was feeling exactly as you feel now. I was dreaming of having a husband who will come back home after work and we will have a wonderful time together. He would bring the money, I will look after our beautiful home and kids.
And guess what happened... It lasted a couple of months. Most of the time, I received abuse in return to my caring and loving attitude. Abuse is what every needy woman receives.
The Universe works that way – you get what you give out. In this case – you receive the amount of love that you give to yourself.
The relationship with any man, this one or another, will be almost identical in terms of how they will treat you.
If are in the habit of compromising your needs and preferences, just to please others from fear that you will not be loved otherwise…if you expect somebody else’s approval.…if you need permission do something ….. then you are not respecting yourself enough. Think over that.
A relationship between two needy people is doomed. Both try to get from the other. You will both feel you are giving too much when in fact you only try to make the other one love you in a special way. You cannot love another if you don’t respect yourself enough.
You can see even now that he doesn't care much about your relationship. Do you believe that he will be faithful in the future? Are you sure that he can give you the love you want?
Has he ever hurt you emotionally, out you down? Has he ever made you feel stupid?
Think over those and remember that in the marriage all the problems will become much bigger than now.
You will love reading “Why Does He Do That” by Lundy Bancroft. You will see what kind of relationship you will have if you keep on pleasing others at your expense.
You are so young. You still have to discover what your life is all about, your passions, your interests, your dreams, your talents. It is obvious you haven’t discovered them yet.
Then you will start transforming your life through reaching out for huge dreams.
You have to become a strong and happy person first! Then you will meet a strong and happy man.
When you become a strong, financially and emotionally independent woman and you need no one to complete you…. then you can create a truly happy relationship. Until then build yourself and your own life as YOU want it to be.
|
| Top |
|
|
|
#15622 - Sep 14, 2009 08:49 PM
Re: hard relationship question (please read)
[Re: Rachel Johnson]
|
Rachel Johnson
member
Registered: Sep 16, 2008
Posts: 3
|
Offline |
|
....and another recommendation
Barbara Rose, life transfromation coach. Her website is:
http://www.borntoinspire.com
has brilliant articles and answers to relationship questions. You will love it!
|
| Top |
|
|
|
#15642 - Sep 15, 2009 04:49 AM
Re: hard relationship question (please read)
[Re: Jennifer Rathe]
|
Rachel Johnson
member
Registered: Sep 16, 2008
Posts: 3
|
Offline |
|
Barbara de Angelis also has many articles and answers to relationship questions. Enjoy!
http://barbaradeangelis.com/
|
| Top |
|
|
|
#16296 - Oct 6, 2009 03:03 PM
Re: hard relationship question (please read)
[Re: Rachel Johnson]
|
Rosalie Garde
member
Registered: Sep 10, 2008
Posts: 6
|
Offline |
|
Jennifer, I hear your dilemma that revolves around your unhappiness, feeling stuck and worried about economics.
What is working for you is you are recognizing this reality isn't fitting into a vision you have deep within you.
You have more wisdom than you think and the answers are within you. You know to marry this man is not the answer. You know you want more out of life.
I can tell you that a man is not the solution. It is important you figure out who you are, what you want and take steps in order to figure it all out.
Did you know a brain isn't fully developed until around age 25. Those under that age sometimes have trouble predicting consequences or outcomes of choices. If I were you I'd take advantage of this period of training and become secure in yourself.
An exercise I would suggest is to take some time to ponder and dream.
1. Make a list of things you KNOW you like/enjoy.
2. Make a list of your skills, talents, subjects you did well in in school.
3. Write yourself a 10 year letter. What do you see yourself doing? (This would be and "ideal" picture, not anything negative). Where would you be living? How would you be dressed? What would your income be?
4. Make a list of what kinds of jobs would incorporate both what you like to do and are good at doing.
5. Identify the steps of what it might take to get you there.
6. Identify one small step to work on today!
You are too important and valuable to let your life be decided by some guy.
|
| Top |
|
|
|
#16438 - Oct 9, 2009 12:26 AM
Re: hard relationship question (please read)
[Re: Rosalie Garde]
|
Jennifer David
member
Registered: Jun 7, 2009
Posts: 75
|
Offline |
|
Hi Jennifer,
What a lovely name even if I do say so myself.
You have a very good information here so take it on board, What I would add is that you should look within yourself and you will find your answers.
Jennifer
http://www.jadavision.com
|
| Top |
|
|
|
#17712 - Oct 29, 2009 10:11 PM
Re: hard relationship question (please read)
[Re: Jennifer David]
|
Bernard Schnee
member
Registered: May 1, 2008
Posts: 7
|
Offline |
|
Perhaps consider to enlarge your vision not from the one you see where you are physically but the one you need to breathe with. Then, plant your own seed, water it and watch it grow.
But first, you might think about this: When was the last time you forgave yourself? Have you forsaken yourself? If you truly believe that you have an identity and a dignity, wake up, get up, look up, dress up and go. Your preciousness is there; no one can remove it from you. Keep that in your heart.
|
| Top |
|
|
|
#17940 - Nov 2, 2009 11:24 AM
Re: hard relationship question (please read)
[Re: Bernard Schnee]
|
Nan McAdam
member
Registered: Oct 18, 2009
Posts: 2
|
Offline |
|
You are very young. That is a blessing and a curse. The blessing is that you have lots of years ahead of you to live your life. The curse is that you don't have a lot of life experiences to pull your strength.
Wanting someone else to "fix you" or make your life better is not a recipe for a successful relationship. It leads to blame, distrust, disloyalty and other things that don't add to your happiess. Another human will not make you happy. The happiness comes from within.
Most of us have had some relationship in our past that we can learn so much from, because it was painful. That's what those relationships do for us. They teach, they let us know what we don't want, and they let us know what we do want.
My suggestion would be for you to learn about yourself first before you cloud the issues with other relationships. Move closer to a metropolitan area where you can find cheap lodging. Try contacting a government agency in that town that deals with women in need. Try social services. They can probably help you find a place to live, perhaps a job and can point you to a job training program. Maybe, you may even get help with the tution.
If that doesn't pan out, try church organizations. You may be able to find a sponsor there that would open their home to you for you to stay a short time until you are on your feet.
If you desire a warm and loving relationship filled with love, you will need to be mature enough to handle it. It starts with finding yourself. Being self sufficient ends the need to find someone else to support you. when you find yourself, you will have so much more to offer in a relationship. Your choice of a partner in a relationship will probably change as well.
Good luck to you. I wish the best for you.
|
| Top |
|
|
|
#18530 - Nov 11, 2009 04:45 AM
Re: hard relationship question (please read)
[Re: Nan McAdam]
|
Jayson Yanuaria
member
Registered: Nov 7, 2009
Posts: 6
|
Offline |
|
And dont stop dreaming.. the possibility of making dreams come true makes the world worth living and makes the future worth seeing.
|
| Top |
|
|
|
#18988 - Nov 16, 2009 01:23 PM
Re: hard relationship question (please read)
[Re: Jayson Yanuaria]
|
Harvey Deutschendorf
member
Registered: May 7, 2009
Posts: 9
|
Offline |
|
Jennifer
I know the feeling of being needy and trying to grasp at relationships to get some relief. However any relationship at this point is doomed and will only lead to more disappointment and heartache. What you need to do is forget about relationships for the time being and work on yourself. Start by doing something for others. Set some goals...not to difficult... yet that require you to struggle. Once you start to have some success in life...feelings of worthiness will begin to follow. At this point I know that taking action is difficult, but that is exactly what you must do. I agree with previous comments that you would be better off in a bigger centre with more resources available and opportunities. Yes, there are a lot of good self help books out there and that is a good start, however feeling good about yourself and being ready to enter a healthy relationship on your terms will only come about through taking action and achievement.
Harvey Deutschendorf
Author of The Other Kind of Smart, Simple Ways to Boost Your Emotional Intelligence for Greater Personal Effectiveness and Success
|
| Top |
|
|
© 1996-2009 SelfGrowth.com. All rights reserved.
|
Previous Topic
Index
Next Topic
