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#16062 - Sep 28, 2009 11:21 AM
Confused Leader
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LaTeekey Andrews
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Registered: Sep 28, 2009
Posts: 5
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I was invited to a Kickoff Employee Availabillity meeting with an agenda to present a Team charter that identified the project champion, project directors and project advisor. All others will be Project team members. I am charaterized as a project team member. I am the Director of Employee Availability and I was not made aware that the project would be done differently and that I would be engaged at the project team member level, in addition I was made aware of this in a public arena. To top it off, I did not have my direct leadership to defend or stand up for me to be a higher level contributor. I felt devalued.
Just to provide you with some history, I have been trying to engage this group to participate and all of a sudden they are ready to participate and take over now. After the meeting my leader told me to play the game, not to worry about who is leading and what is most important is that they are ready to play now and that it gets done. Once it is done that I will be the one to present it around the world. They need me because I retain all the knowledge.
I have gone to a couple of meetings and I am reluctant to provide my knowledge, however I give when asked. Now the new champion wants to meet with me and dump what I have done into their process. My project is for the entire company. They house most of the employees. The vision I was given by the CEO is not what is happening now. How do I overcome this?
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#16094 - Sep 29, 2009 07:34 AM
Re: Confused Leader
[Re: LaTeekey Andrews]
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Kerry
regular
Registered: Nov 13, 2002
Posts: 150
Loc: Hilo, Hawaii (Big Island)
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Hi LaTeekey,
I'm having difficulty understanding your problem. You ask, "How do I overcome this?" but I'm not sure what result you're aiming for. Obviously you're experiencing a communication breakdown but I don't know with whom. Can you elaborate?
It would help if you could define the problem from how you caused it.
Thanks,
Kerrith H. (Kerry) King
SelfGrowth Expert
Leadership-Relationship Communication Skills Coach
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#16156 - Sep 30, 2009 11:14 AM
Re: Confused Leader
[Re: Kerry]
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LaTeekey Andrews
member
Registered: Sep 28, 2009
Posts: 5
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Hi Kerry,
I am caught in the middle of two corporate groups HR and Operations fighting against each other. I have my own office of Employee Availability within HR and am charged with developing a company-wide comprehensive employee availability program. Just recently, the head of Operations created an employee availability team to address the challenges of absenteeism for Operations. We met prior to the first meeting and he stated that this has nothing to do with me. Well, I think it has everything to do with me because it is my area of responsibility to develop the program. Now operations is developing a process improvement model that is only a piece of the puzzle and it overlapps what I was strongly directed to do by the CEO. I am confused about my role as a subject matter expert. I have been seeking for buy-in from operations long before now. All of a sudden, Operations is now ready to participate but taking the lead away from me.
I hope this is clearer..
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#16194 - Oct 2, 2009 07:40 AM
Re: Confused Leader
[Re: LaTeekey Andrews]
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Kerry
regular
Registered: Nov 13, 2002
Posts: 150
Loc: Hilo, Hawaii (Big Island)
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Hi LaTeekey,
Thanks. I have a better understanding of what’s going on. I don’t think you’re going to like the following but it’s part of the process. I’ll just get it out and we’ll go from there.
You’re in the unfortunate position of having been given a job for which you don’t have the required set-skills. Specifically, you’re missing an entire curriculum of leadership-communication skills, evidenced by the kinds of problems you’re generating.
You have fear in your relationship with your peers, else you would have spoken up with authority and claimed your territory. A manager/leader has processed (completed) their fear of telling the truth in the now. You haven’t learned to communicate openly, honestly, and spontaneously. Your post reveals that you’ve withheld dozens of thoughts from everyone and now those withholds are serving as a barrier to communication. What I get is that you unconsciously set it up for them to run over you so as to have this conversation..
The difference between a manager and someone in the process of becoming a manager is that a manager is committed to being complete, as such he/she nips such confusions in the bud by getting clear in the moment. We know that if you tried to confront the person that the exchange, and most likely the outcome, would not be pleasant; it would in fact leave you feeling miserable with no one at the company to clear with. The person has no idea at all that he is communicating abusively to you. You simply don't have the communication skills yet to pull off a mutually satisfying outcome; you require several thousand more such interactions.
I’m guessing it’s time to start looking for/creating your purpose in life. I don’t know how much more you can compromise your integrity except that it will start to effect your health .
Part of your confusion is that you are interacting with people who are addicted to abuse. But, that’s not the big problem. The biggie is that you chose that profession/company knowing full well how it operates. That’s tantamount to suicide for you. It was your karma that brought them into your life, for some as yet unknown brilliant reason.
It would work for you to look and see who in your life would say that you did the same to them?
BTW: The way to expand your ability to manifest your intentions is to serve someone whom you respect, someone committed to service; in so doing you will become that person. In Japan it’s customary for a manager apprentice to serve his/her manager (meaning: sweep floors, run errands, wax car, fetch laundry and all the menial work) for about ten years until he/she can recreate the manager’s intentions.
Kerry
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#16292 - Oct 6, 2009 02:38 PM
Re: Confused Leader
[Re: Kerry]
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Rosalie Garde
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Registered: Sep 10, 2008
Posts: 6
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LaTeekey,
I hear frustration and insecurity in your post. While I don't understand it all, I am sensing that you felt you had been given one assignment, had done it well, and rather than get acknowledged or promoted from a job well done, it is being used and implemented but you personally are being tossed aside.
Since you are confused about your role, how could you best get clarification? Who would you speak to? What would you say? Can you practice possible scenarios so that you will be prepared for 3 outcomes:
1 - they applaud you and want you to do more
2 - they don't "get you"
3 - they say your part is done
Practice how you will react to any of these.
You say lead is being taken away from you. What does lead look like to you? How are you not making it known that you are a leader?
Did you really need your leadership to stand up and defend you publicly? Some times us shy types get annoyed or stay quiet, rather than knowing how to ask for clarification. Then we sit and stew.
The truth is, no one knows what you are feeling nor cares, probably, as much as you do. They can't read your mind.
Figure out what it is you'd like to do and figure out how it can work alongside the others. In all situations, we have to become team players. You have to be able to have a "vision" before you can be confident in taking the right steps.
Also refrain from drawing conclusions or pretending to read the minds of those others involved. Don't base your actions on feelings or what you surmise. Get as much clarification as you can. Once you have the clarification, don't become defensive. Take the information away and ponder it and come up with mature responses that work for the good of the company.
Remember in a company, while many are vying for attention and recognition looking out for themselves, in the bigger picture you are all on the same team, trying to make the business successful.
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#17516 - Oct 26, 2009 03:11 PM
Re: Confused Leader
[Re: Kerry]
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LaTeekey Andrews
member
Registered: Sep 28, 2009
Posts: 5
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Kerri,
Thanks for pointing out the leadership communication skill deficiency. I am a learning director that is wearing a change catalyst hat. You are absolutely right about me witholding my thoughts.
Since this situation occurred, I am now more self-aware of reading my own emotions and recongizing thier impact, i.e. serving as a barrier to communication. In my assessment I have identified some things to work on such as having self-confidence and not being afraid to speak on what are the facts about the situation. This has really started to help me to have more emotional control to have the initiative to act and seize opportunities to communicate better along with adapting to changing situations and overcoming obstacles. To remain focused I ask my self what is the outcome for me and the company, believe it or not it works.
Already I see that experience is the best teacher for this situation for it has pushed me to have some critical conversations and confrontations to clarify roles and responsibilities and resolve disagreements. I welcome your counsel on what steps I can take to improve performance. What might I learn how to do that would make this skill stronger?
No so confused leader anymore
Edited by LaTeekey Andrews (Oct 26, 2009 03:51 PM)
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#17802 - Oct 31, 2009 01:54 AM
Re: Confused Leader
[Re: Rosalie Garde]
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LaTeekey Andrews
member
Registered: Sep 28, 2009
Posts: 5
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Offline |
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Rosalie,
Thanks for the sound counsel! Now I think of the whole pie and how I can influence what I need to get done. Taking a back seat is difficult. It seams like the other players are not thinking that way and it appears to be unfair. Life isn't fair is it. I have stepped aside and in doing so the new team members have come to realize that I am the subject matter expert after all. Now is the time to communicate without the emotion and sieze the moment. Life is a stage. I am getting more opportunties to have audacity and the more I do it the better I get at it. Getting clarfication and expressing my thoughts and sticking to the facts are helping me to earn respect. I know what I know and I will not allow anyone to shut me down anymore. I see my communication skills growing by the minute. Thanks again.
Edited by LaTeekey Andrews (Oct 31, 2009 01:57 AM)
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#18164 - Nov 6, 2009 06:41 PM
Re: Confused Leader
[Re: LaTeekey Andrews]
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Kerry
regular
Registered: Nov 13, 2002
Posts: 150
Loc: Hilo, Hawaii (Big Island)
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Offline |
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Hi LaTeekey,
Re: “Thanks for pointing out the leadership communication skill deficiency.” You're welcome. As Eckhart Tolle says, “…it’s only a pointer” and therefore virtually worthless.
Re: “I welcome your counsel on what steps I can take to improve performance. What might I learn how to do that would make this skill stronger?” There's nothing to learn nor is there any counsel that will get you from here to where you’d like to be. What works is communication such as we are doing. That is to say there are thousands of conversations you need to have to get to where you would be qualified for your position. Notice I said “conversations” not skills to learn or steps to take.
You simply must keep producing results such as you have been doing with your posts which then elicit feedback. None of our feedback of itself is of value, what’s important is that you can get the truth in each coach’s feedback. The feedback (the point of view you dismiss) will be what keeps you stuck.
Here’s some tidbits to get and be with. You don't have to do anything or change.
The language you’ve been using will keep producing more of the same. Obviously you’ve read a lot and therefore have lots of the lingo. This lingo reveals you have an understanding of things but it also reveals that you don’t know what you’re talking about. You don’t write to make sure we are clear about each sentence. Imagine if you will that each sentence costs what is costs NASA to make a one-way trip to the International Space Station. We’re taking millions of dollars per word. If that were the case, was “I am a learning director that is wearing a change catalyst hat.” the most efficient use of our time and experience? Obviously not. It's called talking which produces more of the same.
The same goes for, “I am now more self-aware of reading my own emotions.” Just what does this mean? —a rhetorical question. Your use of the word “more" reveals that you were unconscious when you wrote the sentence. You’d do very well writing ads for Procter and Gamble. “New and improved” “More cleaning power” etc.:) The same goes for “reading my emotions.” Just what does that mean? What works is to experience what you're experiencing. One notices and observes his/her emotions, not reads them. Keep in mind your mind will do whatever it takes to protect its point of view, of who it believes itself to be. It will hide from you any truths that might force it to acknowledge a lie. Your observations/readings of you are presently inaccurate.
Re: “In my assessment I have identified some things to work on such as having self-confidence…” This phrase sounds like it came out of a self help book. It’s more of the same. Describe a specific childhood incident that began what you believe was the turning point regarding confidence. Talking about, or describing, a problem guarantees the problem will persist unless it’s followed with a thought as to its cause. If you tell the truth as to the incident that set in your lack of confidence then you will start to be confident. If you keep talking about it and lying as to its cause then you will continue to be less than confident.
It’s these conversations that will impact you. You’ll find yourself generating different, more desirable, problems. It’s not that there are any great truths in what we/I write but that you’re clear that you created this feedback at this moment in time. I suspect that many of your friends have had similar thoughts about your BS but because you haven’t created a safe space for them to share their experiences they’ve stuffed their thoughts, thoughts essential to your growth.
Here’s one more:
Re: “This has really started to help me to have more emotional control to have the initiative to act and seize opportunities to communicate better along with adapting to changing situations and overcoming obstacles.” Another example of talking. It sounds good. It sounds intelligent. It even sounds promising, but, it’s simply BS. If you shared it with your supervisor and they’d silently judge you to be a wannabe intellect, full of hot air, not ready for more responsibility. Key words, “started” as in I’m starting to give up drinking, and, “emotional control” are more jargon. “To have the initiative to act.” More talking. Writing such a phrase neither acknowledges our support nor does it reveal that anything has changed. It sound like something a prisoner might say to the parole board members so as to con them into granting a parole. Be specific. Give an example that will show us that you aren’t just thinking about starting but that you have produced a result that here-to-fore you might not have.
There’s more about your posts but this feedback will exercise your getting abilities.
With aloha,
Kerry
Kerrith H. (Kerry) King
SelfGrowth Expert
Leadership-Relationship Communication Skills Coach
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#18532 - Nov 11, 2009 04:55 AM
Re: Confused Leader
[Re: Kerry]
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Jill Prince
member
Registered: May 12, 2009
Posts: 1
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I am new to SelfGrowth, but your statements, Terry, could very well be the most refreshing statements I have ever read on a blog/forum (actually anywhere). Could you come and stand beside me to coach every word out of my mouth for the rest of my life?
I consider myself to be fairly direct, but you outclass me. I actually felt pain, on behalf of the LaTeekey, as I read your assessment of his situation.
Of course you are correct in theory but I don't know how effective your message could be given that you practically beat him over the head with your honesty and truth. Is there not a place for dignity and honour in effective communication.
As for me, I come at this topic from a different perspective. The first is a systems perspective - Michael Gerber (business guru) has a book called The E-Myth Manager, in which, he explains how to be entrepreneurial in your work. He refers to the concept of empire building and carving out a niche. Done correctly, it would be very difficult for the type of dynamic you described to play itself out repeatedly. It is very empowering.
The second is taking a project management approach to solving this stressful situation. The Project Management Institute (PMI) published the PMBOK (Project Management Body of Knowledge) Guide to effective project management. There are nine knowledge areas described in this resource, of which communications management is one knowledge area. There are 44 processes grouped into the nine knowledge areas. Essentially, all the areas are simply processes. By using a model, such as this, there is no need for any personality conflicts or hurt feelings because it takes it out of the personal.
Both Gerber and PMI acknowledge that people can really mess things up and so it is often better to be systems dependent rather than people dependent. That way you can go to work and do your job and then come home and still be a whole person with a life. My mom used to call all of this "soul destroying office politics" and thankfully it is easily resolved with these types of resources. I am not saying it will happen overnight, but with a plan and some tools you will likely be able to resolve the issues quickly. You might also consider reading "Whale Done" by Ken Blanchard. It is a great tool for helping people take responsibility for themselves. There is a lot to be said for personal accountability in effective stress management. Good luck.
Jill Prince
http://www.strictly-stress-management.com
Edited by Jill Prince (Nov 11, 2009 04:56 AM)
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