Self Improvement Newsletter
Issue # 27, March 14, 1999
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Improvement Newsletter, Click here!Please Visit Our Sponsors
Self Improvement Newsletter
Issue # 27, March 14, 1999
FREE Self
Improvement Newsletter, Click here!
Please Visit Our Sponsors
This is Issue # 27, Sunday, March 14, 1999 of the Self Improvement Weekly
Newsletter,the FREE newsletter for Personal Growth, Self Improvement and Self Help.
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Publishers: David and Michelle Riklan - Self Improvement Online, Inc.
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editors@selfgrowth.com
In this issue:
-> Quotes of the Week
-> How To Quit Playing A "Victim" Role In Life
-> The Top 10 Ways to Grow Consistently
-> Personal Growth Products and Services
-> Brief News of the World
-> How to subscribe to this newsletter
-> How to view previous Issues of the Newsletter
-> How to Advertise in the Self Improvement Newsletter
*** QUOTES OF THE WEEK ***
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As a man thinketh, so is he . - Proverbs 23:7
"Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach." -Tony
Robbins
"Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others.
Unsuccessfulpeople are always asking, 'What's in it for me?'" - Brian
Tracy
For a collection of some of our favorite quotes, see our web page at
http://www.selfgrowth.com/quote.html
*** How To Quit Playing A "Victim" Role In Life.***
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Going through life as a "victim" is a lonely and unhealthy way to live. It
isvery common among people who have been abused, or people who tend to have
a"co-dependent" personality. It is even common among people who fall into
neitherof those categories! It is something many people simply choose to develop over
time. It isalso something that can be changed if a person desires the change badly enough.
The rewardis a feeling of empowerment and being in charge of your life.
Anyone who gets rid of this role also will have a healthy sense of self-love and
respectthat will affect everyone around them and give them a much better chance at
personal andprofessional success and joy. Here are guides and tips to help get out of
the"victim" role and get on with a happier more productive life:
* Get into action! Quit complaining and blaming and start thinking and doing.
* Learn to ask for what you need and want at the time you need or want it.
* Quit blaming other people or events for your life situation and problems. Everyone has
alife/situation or "story" to tell. What matters is what you are doing with
yourlife *now* to get what you need and value to help create a better, more fulfilling
life.
* Learn to say "No" without *any* feelings of guilt. Creating guilt helps
keepthe victim stuck being a victim.
* Speak for yourself! You know how you feel. Let others know about it in a clear, and
ifnecessary, firm manner.
* Decide what you are good at and love to do personally and professionally, and go afterit
until you are doing it.
* Forgive (you will never forget) everyone in your life who you feel has ever hurt
you(including yourself). Then let it go and *stay in the present time period and stay out
ofthe past and future.*
*Stay away from negative thinking, speaking and acting people, or people who
continuallydump their problems on you. Only associate with people who have the kind of
success,attitude and qualities that you want to have yourself.
*Build up a healthy self-esteem by doing what you like. Learn to say thank you to
everycompliment!
*Develop a plan to become responsible emotionally, financially, and physically and
create"reserves." Once you are in control of those areas, you will feel in
control andwill not tend to attract people who want to play "caretaker" to you,
and who seeyou as a "victim" in need of help.
About the Submitter:
Dennis R. Tesdell is a personal development and self-care coach with over 20 years
ofexperience working with personal growth and self-development issues. He writes a
weeklye-zime, "Self Care Weekly" which is read by thousands weekly in 10
countries.Visit his web site where subscription and coaching information can be found at http://www.coachdt.com
*** The Top 10 Ways to Grow Consistently***
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Personal growth seems to occur in spurts. We gain a little, lose a little, surge ahead
orslide into a holding pattern where in growth seems to be stagnated. Here are ten ways
toget back on track.
1. Recognize that growth continues, despite our best efforts to thwart it.
There's a saying: God's time and mortals' time differ. Nowhere is that more true than
inthe area of personal growth. Growth can be likened to fermentation; it often occurs
wellbelow the surface and appears dormant for long periods. Still, much is going on, if
onlywe have the good sense to realize it. And, there ARE things we can do to break through
thesurface layers...
2. Engage in the process; give up attachment to the result.
We live in a results-oriented world. That's both good and bad. In the short term,
itenables us to get more done faster. In the long term, however, it conceals a great
lifetruth: ultimately, ALL is process, and as we engage in the process and relinquish
ourobsession with results, the results occur spontaneously, easily. To be involved fully
inthe process is to be fully in the present.
3. Work on one thing at a time.
High achievers and type A's pride themselves on their ability to keep several balls in
theair at one time. For many, it works, but there is a price. Multi-tasking, as it's come
called, splits your focus, reduces the energy devotedto any single task and--when the
balls mysteriously begin to get out of control--leavesthe serious multi-tasker at a loss
for words or acts. But to work on one thing at a timeis tantamount to enjoying the beauty
of a single rose, savoring the clean clear taste ofcold spring water, and feeling the
exhilaration of a new day. Single tasking gets the bodyand the mind going again, inspires
and invigorates.
4. Stop thinking, writing and speaking in the first person.
Here's a fun exercise. It's called, an I inventory and it goes like this. Review
ourcorrespondence file, the letters you've written, and note how often you begin a
sentencewith, I. Then, pay attention to your conversations with others. How often do you
use thatword, I? If you journal, take a yellow (better yet, red) marker and overline every
single I. All of theseare good measures of your preoccupation with yourself. Try taking a
vacation from theword, I. You may find it both refreshing and stimulating.
5. Realize that it can take great effort to achieve a state of effortless achievement.
Sounds like double talk, doesn't it! But it's true. In order to achieve effortlessly,which
is a measure of alignment, you must get beyond concepts that serve as comfort zonese.g.,
self-importance, personal attachment, and even enlightenment. With respect
toenlightenment, it's not so much a state to be achieved as one to be recognized. If
you'rehaving trouble with this one, think of Jesus's words: Before Abraham was, I am(The
Bible,John 8:58).
6. Look for the lesson in pain.
This is not a plea for a life of self sacrifice, or an argument that pain is necessary
andgood. It's just that sometimes, pain IS. Stopping, taking time to examine what's
reallygoing on in the present state of pain, prevents this all too common emotion
fromdeveloping into anger, resentment and resignation. Looking at pain
dispassionately,openly, allows you to learn the lesson and move ahead.
7. Let go of your need to have an opinion.
When things go wrong, friends offend, and our progress seems to be grinding to a halt,it's
natural to have an opinion, to explain, justify and defend. Natural, yes;understandable,
yes; but productive? No! To give up the need to have an opinion in suchinstances is to
free the mind to receive answers.
8. Walk away from it.
Years ago, I was going through a rough time, but was determined to stick with it until
Iwon out. A friend who sensed my frustration asked if I would tell her about it. With
somehesitation, I told her of the problem, the struggles, and the seeming lack of
progress.She listened patiently and, after I finished, hesitated a moment, and then said
somethingI'll never forget: "You know, sometimes wisdom is knowing when to walk away
fromit." So, when IS it time to walk away? From a distance of some years now, I would
sayit's when the course you are "stubbornly" pursuing is not producing results
andyou have no real feeling that it will!
9. Follow your path rather than your plan.
The distinction relates to specificity. Paths are often winding, indistinct and
surprisingin where they lead. Plans are clear, definite, and designed to eliminate
uncertainty. Tofollow a path is to be open to discovery, to the sudden turns that yield
joy, insight andchallenge. But, to really follow a path requires courage and a willingness
to give upcertainty. To follow a path is to go forward when you can see only a single step
ahead,confident that the next step will appear.
10. HEAR what is being said.
Have you ever had a friend offer you some unwelcome advice and preface it
with,"You're not going to want to hear this, but ..." Well, often when
newinformation comes to us that conflicts with what we know, believe, think, or want,
weDON'T hear it. Even while we're "listening", we're preparing our
replies,defenses and rebuttals. In short, we're blocking our chance to learn. To
"hear",as opposed to simply listening, is to withhold judgment, to go beyond the
actual words,and to really be open to the possible lesson that may be lurking just beneath
the surface.the difference between listening and hearing is that, somewhere in between,
there's afilter, and it's usually our resistance to new and sometimes conflicting
information.
About the Submitter
This piece was originally submitted by Shale Paul, Executive Coach, who can be reached at Shalecaoch@aol.com. Shale Paul wants you to know: I
work with individuals who arecommitted to getting ahead, changing direction, or simply
growing. The original source is:Written by Shale Paul, Executive Coach.
Copyright 1998, Coach U, all rights reserved.
The content above may be forwarded in full, with copyright/contact/creation
informationintact, without specific permission, when used only in a not-for-profit format.
If anyother use is desired, permission in writing from CoachU is required, with
notification tothe original author.
Questions: email pam@coachu.com.
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*** BRIEF NEWS OF THE WORLD ***
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-Joe DiMaggio, baseball legend, died Monday at his Florida home at the age of 84.
-Film Director Stanley Kubrick dead at 70.
-NCAA men's, women's tourney continues.
-Microsoft admits privacy problem with its latest version of Windows.
-An initial government analysis found China saved two to 10 years of nuclear
weaponsdevelopment time by using data from a now fired U.S. scientist.
-A winter storm blanketed East, Midwest, on Tuesday. Its frigid reach more than a
thousandmiles.
-A bill designed to give schools more flexibility in spending federal money was approvedby
the House and Senate Thursday.
-After a debate, the House voted bipartisan support late Thursday for President
BillClinton's Kosovo policy.
-Stock market getting near to the 10000 mark.
-Evander Holyfield and Lenox Lewis fight called a draw.
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COPYRIGHT (C) 1998 by Self Improvement Online, Inc.
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