Self Improvement Newsletter
Issue # 435, January 9-10, 2007
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Improvement Newsletter, Click here!Please Visit Our Sponsors
Self Improvement Newsletter
Issue # 435, January 9-10, 2007
FREE Self
Improvement Newsletter, Click here!
Please Visit Our Sponsors
* Self Improvement and Personal Growth Weekly Newsletter
*
Issue # 435, Week of January 9-10, 2007
Publisher: David Riklan -
http://www.SelfGrowth.com
In this issue:
-- Quotes of the Week
-- Personal Growth Products and Services
-- Article: Improve Your Life by Improving the Lives of Your Children – By
Kathleen Oqueli McGraw
-- Article: Michael Jordan's Got Nothing On You – By Michael Katz
-- Book Review: The Secret of Shambhala: In Search of the Eleventh Insight – By
James Redfield
-- Brief News of the World
-- How to Subscrïbe and Unsubscrïbe from this Newsletter
Current Subscribers – 252,853 subscribers.
Remöval instructions are listed at the end of the newsletter.
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*** Quotes of the Week ***
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In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one
equals nothing. – Mignon McLaughlin, 1913-1983, American Journalist and Author
Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. –
Confucius, 551-479 B.C., Chinese Thinker and Social Philosopher
There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done
at all. – Peter F. Drucker, 1909-2005, Austrian-born Management Consultant and
Author
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*** Article: Improve Your Life by Improving the Lives of Your Children – By
Kathleen Oqueli McGraw ***
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Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them;
sometimes they forgive them. – Oscar Wilde
When asked to author a chapter about improving one's life, I immediately thought
of improving the lives of children. Most parents would agree that when their
children are happy, they themselves are happy. Therefore when parents improve
the lives of their children, their lives also improve. The following are stories
of two families, amalgamations of families with whom I have worked, which
illustrate my point.
There once were two families, the Bienvilles and the Ibervilles, from a small
town named Vieux Carré. These families were very much alike. They were both
two-parent households. The mothers and fathers of both families worked outside
the home. They both had two children, a daughter and a son. They were both
middle class and lived in the same neighborhood. Last, both families wanted the
best for their children. Unfortunately, here is where the similarities ended and
the differences began.
John and Marie Bienville's children were named Wendy and Tanner. The Bienvilles
believed that they were a typical family, but anyone on the outside looking in
would adamantly disagree. John and Marie fought over parenting decisions
regularly. Wendy and Tanner disregarded their parents' rules habitually. John
and Marie overindulged their children, and Wendy and Tanner manipulated their
parents. They were not a happy family.
John and Marie did not understand that overindulgence and ineffective discipline
were counterproductive to teaching their children respect. Therefore they
continued to parent their children in the same way throughout their lives.
Unfortunately, this story ends with Wendy and Tanner still living at home when
they are in their forties.
John and Marie did not understand why they needed help with their parenting
styles. They had been told many times that their children lacked discipline.
Their family members and friends were willing to offer advice in response to
John and Marie's numerous complaints about their lack of control over their
children's behavior. However, John and Marie did not ask for help. They compared
their children to others and were certain that their children were very special.
Clearly, everyone else must be wrong!
Wendy and Tanner knew how to get what they wanted from their parents. Wendy
would refuse to clean her room, preferring to talk on the phone. She knew that
her father would not give her an allowance if her room was messy. Nevertheless,
she also knew that her mother would increase her allowance as a bribe to do
chores. Tanner would not do his homework, preferring to play video games. He
knew that his father would take the video games away as soon as the report card
came in the mail. However, he also knew that his mother would buy him two new
games if he promised to raise his grades. John and Marie used ineffective
methods of parenting, and their children did not take responsibility for their
actions.
John and Marie did not attempt to work together in the best interest of their
children, so they and their children continued to suffer!
Mitchell and Jane Iberville's children were named Trisha and William. Although
the Ibervilles believed that they had a great family, they also believed that
there was always room for improvement. When Mitchell and Jane saw their children
behave in ways that were inappropriate, they evaluated their parenting styles
and decided that since they had both been reared differently, they needed to
coordinate their beliefs and actions. They sought advice from family members and
friends, heeding suggestions that were in sync with their value system. And most
importantly, they worked together as a team.
Trisha and William thought that they were the unluckiest children in the world.
Trisha would sneak and watch television at night when she was supposed to be in
bed. She did not think that it was right that she had to be in bed a whole hour
before all her friends. However, Trisha had trouble waking up every morning for
school and missed her school bus regularly. Mitchell and Jane agreed that Trisha
could stay up later on weekends, but only if she went to bed on time every night
during the week. They also agreed that if Trisha did not wake up early and was
not ready for school on time, she would have to go to bed an hour earlier than
usual.
As typical with older brothers, William would tease and pick on Trisha, making
her cry. He did not think it was fair that he had to play with her when his best
friends lived around the corner. However, when William went over to his friends'
homes, he would repeat the curse words he heard them say. Mitchell and Jane
agreed that William could invite friends over on the weekends, but only if he
stopped taunting Trisha. They also agreed that if William said another curse
word, he would not be allowed to play with anyone. Trisha and William followed
the established rules, and Mitchell and Jane stuck to the agreed upon rewards
and consequences.
Mitchell and Jane sought the assistance of a parenting coach. The coach
supported them as they set parenting goals with attainable outcomes. The coach
encouraged them as they assessed current parenting challenges and as they
identified their priorities for future goals. Mitchell and Jane actively
participated in coaching sessions and used the recommended resources. They read
parenting books, watched documentaries featuring child specialists and childhood
development experts, and attended parenting skills and education classes.
Mitchell and Jane noticed huge improvements in their parenting styles and in
their children's behavior. Amazingly, so did everyone else!
Children are happiest when they grow up in a home where their needs are met and
where they are shown love and respect. Children prosper in homes where both
parents are consistent and dependable. Children flourish in homes where age
appropriate rules, rewards, and consequences are spelled out for them. Parents
improve the lives of their children by demonstrating effective communication and
conflict resolution skills and by implementing successful, positive discipline
techniques. Parents also improve their children's lives by teaching them to
accept responsibility for their actions or inactions.
Some parents may not know how to effectively parent their children, and they may
not be aware that they are causing harm. Most parents learn how to parent from
their own parents, repeating a lot of the same mistakes. With the assistance of
a parenting coach, parents can set their goals, expected outcomes, and preferred
behavior changes. Coaches support parents, guide them to stay on track, help
them to work together, and provide them with resources to improve their skills.
The parenting coach's qualifications should include education and training in
coaching, childhood development, parenting styles, parenting plans, family
dynamics, positive discipline techniques, and childhood health and mental health
issues. The parenting coach should also have experience working with children,
adolescents, and families.
Parenting coaches can help parents who are married, divorced, or never married
to coparent their children in ways that are in the best interest of the
children. Moreover, coaches can show parents how to be more involved in the
different areas of their children's lives.
Parents improve their lives by being invested in improving the lives of their
children!
Copyright © April 5, 2006, Kathleen Oqueli McGraw and Kathleen McGraw, LCSW &
Associates, LLC.
About the Author:
This article was written by Kathleen McGraw, contributing author to "101 Great
Ways to Improve Your Life: Volume 2." Kathleen is the founding partner of
Kathleen McGraw, LCSW & Associates, LLC, a mental health, mediation,
facilitation, and coaching firm. She is also a Licensed Clinical Social Worker
and has both a master of social work and public health from Tulane University.
Contact her at
http://www.McGrawandAssociates.com and
kathleen@McGrawandAssociates.com
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*** Article: Michael Jordan's Got Nothing On You – By Michael Katz ***
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I made a mistake last week involving pants... I bought them. The problem is, and
I have to say that I pretty much knew this before I left the store, they don't
fit.
In my defense, I am a man. I don't like clothes-shopping to begin with, and when
you throw in the extra step of having to try things on, I get to a point where
I'd gladly plunk down my credit card on an ill-fitting clown suit if I thought
it would get me out of the store faster.
But the real mistake was taking the pants home, cutting off the tags and then
deciding they don't really fit. Now I'm stuck with them, and despite having
spent the better part of this week trying to convince myself that they're okay,
I know I am a liar.
In my experience (and in this case, I don't think it applies to just men) most
of us settle on a profession in about the same way. We wander around, try a few
things on, and, if we find something we can squeeze into, we take it.
Unfortunately, and based on emails, phone calls, and cups of coffee with lots of
working people, there are way too many of us just tolerating work, instead of
thriving in it. We have, in effect, cut the tags off before finding a good fit.
Which brings me to Michael Jordan. Here's a guy who, in his 13 years as a
professional basketball player, won just about every award imaginable in that
sport; he's arguably the best ever to walk the face of the Earth. So much so
that if you were to describe the attributes of the ideal basketball player,
you'd more or less describe Jordan, up to and including his winning personality,
which made him ideal for product endorsements.
But here's the key question: Was he really that extraordinary as a human being,
or was he just lucky? Lucky, in the sense that the things that came naturally to
him -- height, speed, strength, intelligence, endurance, competitiveness, and a
love of basketball -- just happened to be a perfect fit for an existing
profession?
I believe it's more the latter. Sure he worked hard, but no more than you or I
do. The fact is, if being unusually tall were a negative in basketball instead
of the positive that it is, Jordan might have just turned out to be one more
good-looking bald guy named Michael.
This next thing I'm about to say may sound like an exaggeration, but I don't
think it is.
I think we're all Michael Jordans (or Bruce Springsteens or Donald Trumps, or
anyone who's had extraordinary success in a given field). The problem is that
for most people, the unique package of skills, abilities, and interests within
each of us doesn't fit perfectly and obviously into an existing profession. So
we pick from among the available options and settle for good enough.
Or maybe we don't. My view -- after spending the first 20 years of my
professional life in conventional jobs, being slightly successful doing things I
slightly liked -- is that the point of starting your own business is to create a
custom-made occupation. A unique livelihood that pulls together all the things
you love and are good at doing, into one basketball-dunking, crowd-pleasing,
"Can I have your autograph please?" concoction. It sure beats working.
And so as you sit here thinking about 2007 -- particularly if you're not
energized by what you're doing every day -- maybe it's time to take a new
approach.
In the coming year, why don't we all spend a little less time straining to fit
our idiosyncratic selves into an existing pair of pants, and a little more time
thinking about a new wardrobe entirely... one that's based on whatever natural
talents and interests are uniquely our own.
I'll see you at the All-Star game.
About the Author:
Michael J. Katz is Founder and Chief Penguin of Blue Penguin Development, Inc. -
http://www.BluePenguinDevelopment.com - Boston consulting firm that helps
clients increase sales by showing them how to nurture their existing
relationships, and that specializes in the development of electronic
newsletters. He is author of the book "E-Newsletters That Work."
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*** Book Review: The Secret of Shambhala: In Search of the Eleventh Insight – By
James Redfield ***
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The third book in the Celestine series, this slight fable begins with an
appealing spiritual quest, but is soon burdened with Redfield's millennial
concerns. Still, readers who made bestsellers of "The Celestine Prophecy" and
"The Tenth Insight" are not likely to be deterred, especially those who are
interested in Eastern wisdom.
Instructed by a neighborhood girl to seek a place of total enlightenment, the
narrator makes an imaginary journey to Tibet in search of Shambhala (also known
as Shangri-La). Under constant threat by Chinese soldiers, he makes a harrowing
passage with the help of human and spirit guides, ultimately reaching the
kingdom where the secrets of "the eleventh insight" are revealed in stages.
Based on the notion that we attract the events in our lives, the 11th insight
reveals that prayer in the form of affirmations and positive energy can empower
not only individuals, but whole societies.
Readers will find value in Redfield's simply stated comments about building
energy through nutrition, posture, and thought, and refusing to erode one's
energy through negative thinking, including hatred, anger, and evil. Redfield
believes that baby boomers, with their interest in the human potential movement,
have the power to fulfill their generational mission (as their parents did with
WWII) by using the 11th insight to counter negative social forces, such as lack
of community, youth alienation, environmental destruction, terrorism, the power
of centralized technology, and genetic engineering of all stripes. (Copyright
1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.)
-------
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