Self Improvement Newsletter
Issue # 443, March 6-7, 2007
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Improvement Newsletter, Click here!Please Visit Our Sponsors
Self Improvement Newsletter
Issue # 443, March 6-7, 2007
FREE Self
Improvement Newsletter, Click here!
Please Visit Our Sponsors
* Self Improvement and Personal Growth Weekly Newsletter
* Issue # 443, Week of March 6-7, 2007
Publisher: David Riklan -
http://www.SelfGrowth.com
In this issue:
-- Quotes of the Week
-- Personal Growth Products and Services
-- Article: Breaking the Cycle – By Jo-Anne Cutler
-- Article: How Goals Unleash the Superhero Inside You! – By Jill Koenig
-- Book Review: The Voice of Knowledge: A Practical Guide to Inner Peace – By
Don Miguel Ruiz with Janet Mills
-- Brief News of the World
-- How to Subscrïbe and Unsubscrïbe from this Newsletter
Current Subscribers – 254,414 subscribers.
Remöval instructions are listed at the end of the newsletter.
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*** Quotes of the Week ***
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The will to win is important, but the will to prepare is vital. – Joe Paterno,
American Football Coach
Love cures people -- both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it. –
Karl A. Menninger, 1893-1990, American Psychiatrist
No trumpets sound when the important decisions of our life are made.
Destiny is made known silently. – Agnes De Mille, 1905-1993, American Dancer and
Choreographer
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*** Article: Breaking the Cycle – By Jo-Anne Cutler ***
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"You must be the change you want to see in the world." – Gandhi
When I was younger, I always knew that I wanted to be two things in life: a
teacher and a mom. The first came true for me as I taught swimming throughout my
high school and university summers. In 1991, after three long years of trying, I
finally realized my dream of being a mom! Giving birth to my daughter, this
beautiful bundle of love and joy, was an unforgettable moment in my life, as was
the miraculous birth of my son just 19 months later. It wasn't until I became a
parent that I realized that my most sought-after desires were so connected.
As my children grew through the infancy, toddler, nursery, grade school, and
middle school years, I began to see how important a role model I was for them,
and I did the best I could with the knowledge that I had; however, the increased
stress that accompanied this new role was sometimes difficult, and I believed at
that time that it was my children who caused some of the stress and
discontentment in my life!
One day, I sent my son to his room for misbehaving, and he was so mad at having
to stay in his room that he began to slam his door...repeatedly! I could feel my
blood boiling as I rushed to the bottom of the stairs and yelled at the top of
my lungs for him to stop. I realized in that moment that I was acting in a way I
vowed that I never would, but something came over me that was so strong and
uncontrollable that I couldn't stop.
I remember another experience with my daughter when she was three. She had very
proudly made her bed before going to nursery school, and as I went about my
morning routine, I straightened out her bed. My godmother was visiting us, and
as she witnessed what I had done, she said, "Don't you think she's going to
notice that she didn't make her bed that way when she gets home? What she will
take from that is that she didn't make it good enough for you. Who needs the bed
neat and tidy, you or her?" She then commented, "There is no need to worry,
Jo-Anne. By the time she is 30, she will know how to make up a bed!" I laughed
at the silliness but also saw the huge message that I was sending my daughter.
The notion of having to be perfect was my issue!
So many times I had a rough day at work, was exhausted from running on the
treadmill of life, was frustrated with having to do it all myself as a single
mom, or was heavy with worries about money or relationships issues. My kids
might have wanted to share something exciting with me, needed some attention, or
were maybe fighting with each other, and I would react by either yelling at them
or withdrawing. Then I would feel guilty for my behavior, but it was too
late--the damage had already been done. I love my children with all my heart,
and my intention was never to hurt them.
Others have shared similar experiences with me, and I have compassion for them
as I know that I, too, was behaving the only way I knew how. I have witnessed,
both privately and publicly, the emotional and physical abuse that takes place
on a regular basis in our world, and we need to do something to break this
cycle.
We teach our children how to behave by our example, and the cycle we are
continuing could be one that we learned as a child. We have long forgotten or
maybe buried how we felt as children when we were yelled at, scolded, or felt
disapproval, disappointment, or lack of love from our parents. I believe our
children are experiencing the same thing now and that they can't find the voice,
any more than we could, to say to us, "Please don't yell at me--that doesn't
feel good" or "Mom, Dad, why are you always disappointed in me? Why won't you
listen to me? Why can't you love me just the way I am?"
I know that my life became easier and less stressed when I took responsibility
for my feelings and saw how I imposed those feelings onto my kids: the control,
resentment, projection of anger, the shutdown, disapproval, and disappointment,
all because they weren't doing what I wanted them to or behaving the way I
thought they should. In wanting to be the best parent I could be, I started to
take a good look within myself and through the eyes of my children. My mentor
helped me to see how I could have done things differently and how my behavior
and reactions impacted how they behaved...not only as children, but how my
behavior created a template that they would follow when they became parents
themselves. I saw how I was a container of all sorts of feelings that I had
never felt safe enough to express, and when my children, or anyone else, for
that matter, triggered me, all of those unfelt emotions exploded out of me, and
I, of course, blamed them! I had continued a cycle of unhealthy behavior, and I
wanted to do it differently.
I am no different than any other parent and thought I was doing a great job, and
I was! I was doing the best I could with what I knew. My children and I now joke
about the fact that they didn't come complete with a manual, and I fully admit
to them that I'm not perfect! I am open to listening to my children now, and
when they feel me getting agitated (remember, I'm not perfect) or when my
"recovering control freak" side starts to rear its ugly head, my children feel
safe to point it out, which reminds me that I am stepping back into my old
patterns. This is my issue to take care of and to let go of. It feels good to be
able to laugh now at my own behavior, and I am grateful and continually thank my
children for sharing their observations.
There is a familiar phrase that says, "When the student is ready, the teacher
will appear."
Our children can teach us so much if we let them express themselves and create a
safe place for them to share their feelings and when we try not to take their
expressions personally or view them as a sign of disrespect or back talk.
I can honestly say that I don't yell at my kids anymore. I am so blessed to have
such wonderful children, as we all are--they are such gifts, and mine taught me
how to look at and take ownership of how I showed up in life. Once I shifted,
everything in my life did as well! It's an ongoing process for me to healthily
take care of my emotions, and it is so clear to me now that my ultimate desires
of being a mom and a teacher had to occur in that order: to learn how to be the
best mom I could be so that I could teach my children. This has inspired our
family to break the cycle.
About the Author:
This article was written by Jo-Anne Cutler, contributing author to "101 Great
Ways to Improve Your Life: Volume 2." Jo-Anne is committed to making a
difference as a writer, speaker, and facilitator. Her vision is to empower and
inspire you to be the parent, teacher, and role model the children of this world
need you to be. One of the many ways she supports this vision is through an
audio program called "Breaking the Cycle." For more information, please visit
http://www.jcconnections.ca
Her article above is one of 101 great chapters that can be found in "101 Great
Ways to Improve Your Life: Volume 2." This powerful compilation book -- with
John Gray, Jack Canfield, Richard Carlson, Bob Proctor, Alan Cohen, and
countless other experts -- contains 101 chapters of proven advice on how to
improve your life.
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visit
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*** Article: How Goals Unleash the Superhero Inside You! – By Jill Koenig ***
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Within every human being exists an infinite supply of creativity, strength, and
wonder.
You are capable of more than you know.
Let me tell you about a real life Superhero I know. His name is Mike Berkson.
Mike Berkson was born a few minutes after his twin brother David on February 4,
1989. Shortly after birth, Mike was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. Doctors told
his parents that he would not be able to talk, and he would never be a student
in a regular classroom. By the time Mike was 3, he was not only talking up a
storm but had a thirst for vocabulary. Mike sets BIG Goals. Mike excels in
English and history, is creative in writing short stories, and has ambitions in
film making.
Mike lives in a Chicago suburb and now attends high school. He loves rap music,
Seinfeld reruns, movies, girls, and many other things most teenagers are
interested in. Mike is unique in that he has to work around some obstacles in
his day-to-day life that you and I will never be faced with.
Because he is confined to a wheelchair, and has limited use of his arms and
legs, he is paired with someone to help him through the day so he can attend
school and get the quality of education he deserves. For a few years, my friend
Tim was fortunate enough to be paired with Mike and serve as Mike's aid and
helper.
Ponder the things you do every day and imagine being physically unable to do
them. Tim was responsible for taking notes for Mike, assisting him with eating,
the bathroom, transportation, and all the things that we do without thinking
about.
As Tim and Mike grew closer and Tim became a member of Mike's family, Tim felt a
yearning to share with the world Mike's awesome attitude, and how Mike deals
with prejudices, ignorance, and inconveniences despite his circumstances.
Tim was so inspired by the Superhero within in Mike, that last year he set a
goal to write a book about Mike and run 1,200 miles from Florida to Chicago to
promote it.
Just one tiny problem...at the time, Tim could hardly run 30 minutes and in
order to achieve his goals within 4 months, he would have to write the book at
blazing speed AND get into the kind of physical condition to maintain a pace of
running 40 miles per day for 31 straight days.
Impossible, you might think? No. Remember I told you that you are more powerful
than you think you are.
You see, Tim had a unique source of motivation to fuel his goals. He had Mike.
He had the examples from years of watching Mike display the traits of a real
life Superhero. Tim had the inspiration of making a promise to an exceptional
young man. Tim had the motivation of a purpose greater than himself.
Tim had the yearning to pursue a series of goals so much bigger than anything he
had ever done before, that he just had to try. As a tribute to Mike, Tim had to
push himself beyond anything he ever previously did, as Mike does every single
day.
Some people in life believe you should only pursue goals you know you can
achieve. Others believe the success lies in the growth that occurs from
stretching beyond your previous wins, and that all growth is success.
How do you define success?
I interviewed Tim recently on my radio show. Tim explains how he found an
endurance coach and transformed himself from a couch potato into an ultra
endurance champion. Tim did not reach his goal of running 40 miles a day. You
see, his plan was flawed. He made a lot of mistakes. His schedule for the run
was so tight, that he did not allow himself any room for error, like weather,
funding, or the hazards of running alongside traffic. His approach for raising
money was limited. He had a skeleton crew of one to accompany him on the run.
He had to return home by a certain date, regardless of how far behind he was, so
he had to drive the distances to catch up when he fell behind. Shortly after he
started his journey, he realized he would not be able to achieve the 1,200 miles
and still make it home on time. But he kept running, anyways; he wanted to Keep
On Keeping On. He would rather continue stretching himself than consider
quitting.
Why is Tim's journey considered a success by many? Because he dared to pursue it
in the first place. Because he did finish his book about Mike in record time.
Because he succeeded in transforming his body into an Ultra Endurance Machine
for that time. Because he DID succeed in running an average of 24 miles per day
for a total of 700 miles. Because he didn't quit, even when he realized he could
not reach every goal he set for himself. Because he touched the heart of a young
man who looked up to him. Because he inspired a lot of people to go beyond what
they previously thought they could do.
Because for a moment in time, he tapped into the Superhero inside himself and
unleashed more of his own potential.
Rising above circumstances like a champion inspires other people.
We must re-evaluate our perspective on what success really is.
Are you a success if you play it safe your whole life and never dare anything
unless you are guaranteed victory?
When you set BIG Goals, it is important to set many smaller goals that coincide
with it. Even if you fail to reach your deadline for one Goal, you will still
succeed at many, and you will build your confidence to a much higher level. Give
yourself empowering reasons for getting up when you feel down.
There is a Superhero inside YOU.
What Goals can you set that will inspire you to unleash it?
Keep On Keeping On.
Live Your Dreams.
About the Author:
Jill Koenig, the "Goal Guru," is America's Top Goal Strategist. A best-selling
author, coach, and motivational speaker, she is an expert on the subjects of
goal setting, time management, and business success.
A self-made millionaire, she hosts the Goal Guru Radio Show. Her passion in life
is helping you achieve your goals and unleash your untapped potential. Find out
more about her Cutting Edge Goal Strategies at
http://www.GoalGuru.com
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*** Book Review: The Voice of Knowledge: A Practical Guide to Inner Peace – By
Don Miguel Ruiz with Janet Mills ***
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As little children we know how to live in the moment and be completely
authentic. But then something damaging happens to us, according to author Don
Miguel Ruiz: we are given "knowledge" about how to live in the world. Parents
tell us how to behave in order to be a "good" boy or girl. Teachers tell us what
it takes to be a "winner" or a "successful" adult. This collective "voice of
knowledge" is not only false--it is often poisonous, explains Ruiz, best-selling
author of "The Four Agreements." It makes us believe that "I am not the way I
should be; it is not okay to be me."
Drawing upon the story of Adam and Eve, Ruiz refers to the forbidden tree of
knowledge and likens the abandonment of the true self to the fall from heaven.
What Ruiz calls "the voice of knowledge" other spiritual teachers might call
ego--the hidden and carefully defended belief system that prevents us from
living and expressing who we really are. "The structure of our knowledge makes
us feel safe....When we discover that we are not what we believe we are, the
foundation of our entire reality begins to collapse."
In the Toltec tradition, Ruiz says every human is an artist, "and the supreme
art is the expression of the beauty of our spirit." He explains that there are
two kinds of artists: "the ones who create their story without awareness, and
the ones who recover awareness and create their story with truth and love." The
recovering of awareness is what this fourth book in the "Toltec Wisdom" series
is all about. This makes for a good bedside spiritual growth book. Each chapter
closes with "Points to Ponder"--summary thoughts to sleep upon as you create the
more authentic story of your life. --Gail Hudson
-------
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