Self Improvement Newsletter
Issue # 444, March 13-14, 2007
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Improvement Newsletter, Click here!Please Visit Our Sponsors
Self Improvement Newsletter
Issue # 444, March 13-14, 2007
FREE Self
Improvement Newsletter, Click here!
Please Visit Our Sponsors
* Self Improvement and Personal Growth Weekly Newsletter
*
Issue # 444, Week of March 13-14, 2007
Publisher: David Riklan -
http://www.SelfGrowth.com
In this issue:
-- Quotes of the Week
-- Personal Growth Products and Services
-- Article: Deciding to Drop the Drama – By Deanna Davis
-- Article: Self-Examination, Prayer, and Contemplation – By Caroline Myss
-- Book Review: Entering the Castle: An Inner Path to God and Your Soul – By
Caroline Myss
-- Brief News of the World
-- How to Subscrïbe and Unsubscrïbe from this Newsletter
Current Subscribers – 254,622 subscribers.
Remöval instructions are listed at the end of the newsletter.
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*** Quotes of the Week ***
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The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas. – Linus Pauling,
1901-1994, American Chemist and Nobel Prïze Winner
People who are unable to motivate themselves must be content with mediocrity, no
matter how impressive their other talents. – Andrew Carnegie, 1835-1919,
Scottish-American Industrialist and Philanthropist
I'm not interested in age. People who tell me their age are silly. You're as old
as you feel. – Elizabeth Arden, 1878-1966, Canadian Cosmetics Executive
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*** Article: Deciding to Drop the Drama – By Deanna Davis ***
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I had spent the better part of a week in a sleep-deprived delirium brought on by
a vicious little souvenir (aka respiratory infection) I had carted home from a
recent vacation. I had tried every known natural remedy to stave it off--from
homeopathic elixirs to Chinese herbal tonics and from aromatherapy immersion to
megadoses of vitamin everything, all to no avail.
I graduated to nightly Nyquil benders and holed up in the guest bedroom to spare
my husband from the incessant hacking. I moved into the psychological realm to
attack the little lung invaders from the inside out, resorting to positive
psychology, then to reverse psychology, and then to what I can only describe as
disturbingly abnormal psychology to convince my mind to heal my lungs. When none
of that worked, I succumbed to anger, resentment, and extreme bouts of dramatic
self-pity, none of which seemed to make a difference in my situation (go
figure).
So, on my husband's sane advice, I dragged myself into my physician's office the
next day, fatigued beyond recognition and ready for Western medicine to free me
from my immune-compromised prison. But, of course, during the height of cold and
flu season, everyone else had the same idea. As such, I sat in the waiting room
for the better part of 45 minutes and did what everyone does in a waiting room:
I waited. And coughed. And waited. And coughed. And... well, you get the
picture...
I sat there, sleep-deprived, rationality-impaired, and most uncomfortable due to
the unfortunate dislodging of major body organs from my hacking cough. I was
completely overcome by frustration. I imagined the assertive manner (read:
menacing and aggressive) in which I could share my disdain with the physician
who had kept me waiting while my very life hung in the balance. I scripted a
compelling and colorful response to the long wait, certain that he would nod in
agreement, pound his fist on the exam table, and shout with conviction, "Things
have got to change around here so we can heal the sick and comfort the
downtrodden... and quickly!"
What actually happened when the door opened was that I lost every nuance of my
thoughtfully planned "waiting room efficiency" speech and lapsed into
uncontrollable sobs interspersed with incoherent babble, such as "so tired...
haven't slept in a week... broke all the capillaries in my face... think I'm
going to have an aneurysm." The doctor looked at me with compassion and gently
said, "Well, actually, if you already had an aneurism, maybe you would have
burst it."
His comment stopped me in my tracks. I was flabbergasted. I mean, here I am,
looking like hell, blithering like a lunatic, and somehow it's important for him
to correct my description of my self-diagnosed, potentially fatal maladies? Who
cares if I said I would have an aneurysm or burst an aneurysm? Isn't it all just
related to the fact that I have a rip-roaring headache and an out-of-control
cough and need help? He smiled a sheepish grin, and we both laughed (well, he
laughed, and I alternately giggled and gasped for oxygen). "Now," he said,
"let's talk about what the problem is and see if we can fix it."
What I later realized is that this is exactly what I needed him to do--diffuse
my frustration and help me step out of my self-imposed drama long enough to take
some practical steps to improve my situation. What a novel concept! With an
unexpected comment and a gentle dose of humor, that physician reprogrammed our
entire experience and, fortunately, saved himself an earful of caustic remarks
that bordered on both literary genius and verbal abuse. Lucky man. Even more
importantly, though, he directed our mutual efforts toward the outcome I wanted
to achieve--quite simply, to get healthier and feel better. I left his office
armed with the medication and the renewed attitude I needed to do just that.
As with most incidents like this, it got me thinking that the simple act of
dropping the drama is a strategy we can and should be practicing on a regular
basis, whether with ourselves, our partners, our children, or anyone else. When
we do this, problems are solved, frustration is lessened, and everyone wins.
Consider these suggestions.
1. With yourself. Sometimes people allow their negative thinking to spin out of
control like a blindfolded child whacking aimlessly at a runaway piñata. My
experience with piñatas is that they're a really inefficient way of securing
treats, and they're usually hazardous to everyone involved. The same holds true
with irrational and unproductive thinking. Make the choice to remove your
"awareness blindfold" and ask yourself what is really happening. Often, when you
step back and look at a situation from a different angle, you see that it is far
less dire than you originally thought. Then ask yourself, rather than just
lamenting about it, what you can do to influence the situation, either through
your thoughts or your actions. Both these questions will help you divert your
attention away from the drama and toward constructive action. This is a modified
version of Martin Seligman's widely researched approach to Learned Optimism. By
consciously choosing optimism and rationality over pessimism and helplessness,
you'll be amazed at how much you can accomplish.
2. With your partner. The foremost researchers in marital success, John and
Julie Gottman, have found that one of the most important things you can do
during a conflict with your partner is to avoid escalating it. One of the most
effective ways to diffuse conflict and come to rational decisions or mutual
understanding is to very simply choose to drop the drama. You can do this by
taking a deep breath, committing yourself to simply listen without judgment for
a period of time, or agreeing to take a break and come back to the conversation
when you have both calmed down. By boycotting escalation, you will escape the
drama long enough to focus on solutions rather than defensiveness or aggression.
3. With your children. Anyone who has lived with a toddler or a teenager
(sometimes they feel like the same developmental stage) knows how hard it can be
at times to drop the drama when you are dealing with kids. Jane Nelsen, author
of "Positive Discipline," suggests that at times you can divert the drama by
letting your children know that you want to listen to them and to help them feel
better. Take a break from the push-pull cycle long enough to offer a hug, a
moment of quiet reflection together, or an opportunity to listen to their
emotions for a few moments in order to reduce tension. Then get back to working
with them to come up with mutual solutions to whatever issue is at hand. As you
empower them to express themselves and to be a part of resolving a concern, you
effectively remove one element of the drama (the desire for control) that can
undermine your best intentions.
These strategies offer a simple rule of thumb--choose drama when you want
entertainment and rationality when you want results. When in doubt, decide to
drop the drama!
About the Author:
This article was written by Deanna Davis, Ph.D., contributing author to "101
Great Ways to Improve Your Life: Volume 2." Deanna, an admitted laughaholic, is
the author of "Living with Intention: Designing a Wildly Fulfilling and
Remarkably Successful Life." She is a professional speaker focusing on topics
such as peak performance, balance and resilience, laughter, and cultivating
powerful perspectives. Visit her at
http://www.deannadavis.net and subscribe to her free monthly e-zine.
Her article above is one of 101 great chapters that can be found in "101 Great
Ways to Improve Your Life: Volume 2." This powerful compilation book -- with
John Gray, Jack Canfield, Richard Carlson, Bob Proctor, Alan Cohen, and
countless other experts -- contains 101 chapters of proven advice on how to
improve your life.
*** If you purchase just one copy of their new book today, you will also receïve
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*** Article: Self-Examination, Prayer, and Contemplation – By Caroline Myss ***
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Excerpt from "Entering the Castle" – By Caroline Myss
http://www.selfgrowth.com/products/myss.html
Today, self-examination, prayer, and contemplation -- the disciplines of
conscious effort -- are still the best ways to transfer your center of power
from the external world to your interior world. Even with these practices and
your determination, however, you will face one obstacle after another, one trial
and test after another. This is a simple fact for all mystics. One recurrent
challenge will be the resurgence of your fears that entering your soul will
change your life. You don’t need to head off to a convent or monastery to submit
totally to your soul and God as in the old days. That was then and this is now
-- and now is different. Now your role is to empower the life you have and the
person you are -- and the person you could be -- with the energy of grace that
listening to your soul gives you.
The journey into your soul builds your inner strength; your soul as Castle is a
mystical fortress of personal power. Entering the Castle is about your
relationship to God and about you becoming strong enough to receive God and
engage in an unobstructed, unmediated spiritual dialog with the Divine. You are
searching out this “soul within your soul,” this hidden Castle, so that you
gradually, slowly, become conscious, congruent. For how long have you been a
mass of contradictions? How long have you claimed to have faith while living
full of doubt? How long have you told yourself you were devoted to living a
conscious life, but really did very little to pursue this business of truly
becoming “conscious”? There comes a moment when you must come to terms with your
contradictions. If you truly believe that this life has spiritual purpose and
that you were born to find your purpose -- then how can that belief not take
charge of your entire life? Everything else in your life should be a servant to
finding and living that one truth.
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*** Book Review: Entering the Castle: An Inner Path to God and Your Soul – By
Caroline Myss ***
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http://www.selfgrowth.com/products/myss.html
Fans of Myss's earlier books ("Sacred Contracts," etc.), which drew inspiration
from such diverse traditions as Indian medicine and ancient divination methods,
may be surprised at how thoroughly entrenched her new book is in the Western
religious tradition. In the preface, she discusses how an out-of-the blue
seizure and a midlife hunger for an authentic spiritual practice set her
exploring the mystical tradition of her childhood Catholic faith. Using St.
Teresa of Ávila's metaphor of the "interior castle" as a template, Myss
challenges readers to get in touch with their own souls and shows how they can
then lead deeper, more joyous lives. Every chapter is packed with meditations
that help to either clean out the detritus that prevents spiritual growth or
prepare for a mystical meeting with God. Interspersed are supportive stories of
those who have gone before on the path.
*****
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