Self Improvement Newsletter
Issue # 447, April 3-4, 2007
FREE Self
Improvement Newsletter, Click here!Please Visit Our Sponsors
Self Improvement Newsletter
Issue # 447, April 3-4, 2007
FREE Self
Improvement Newsletter, Click here!
Please Visit Our Sponsors
* Self Improvement and Personal Growth Weekly Newsletter
* Issue # 447, Week of April 3-4, 2007
Publisher: David Riklan -
http://www.SelfGrowth.com
In this issue:
-- Quotes of the Week
-- Personal Growth Products and Services
-- Article: Don't Take Your Inner Brat to Work! – By Pauline Wallin
-- Article: Back to Boot Camp – By Chris Widener
-- Book Review: Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting Yourself
Be Loved – By Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D.
-- Brief News of the World
-- How to Subscrïbe and Unsubscrïbe from this Newsletter
Current Subscribers – 255,214 subscribers.
Remöval instructions are listed at the end of the newsletter.
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*** Quotes of the Week ***
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People who bite the hand that feeds them usually lick the boot that kicks them.
– Eric Hoffer, 1902-1983, American Social Writer
You don't save a pitcher for tomorrow. Tomorrow it may rain. – Leo Durocher,
1905-1991, Hall of Fame American Baseball Manager and Player
Bravery is the capacity to perform properly even when scared half to death. –
Omar N. Bradley, 1893-1981, American Army Field Commander during World War II
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*** Article: Don't Take Your Inner Brat to Work! – By Pauline Wallin ***
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Is your inner brat taking over your job? Everyone has an inner brat. It's the
part of us that's still a two-year-old. It lives on in the dark recesses of our
minds, no matter how much we've accomplished.
The inner brat gets furious at the slightest inconvenience. It feels entitled to
get what it wants, when it wants, and it complains when things don't go its way.
Your inner brat not only makes you miserable; it makes work unpleasant for
everyone else.
"Hmm," you might be saying to yourself right now. "That describes someone I work
with." It's always easier to spot someone else's inner brat than your own. But
take a moment now to reflect on yourself, and answer the following questions.
* Do you frequently complain that something isn't fair?
* Do you get angry at least once a day?
* Do you hate at least one person at work?
* Have you almost quit your job on the spot because you were upset?
* Are you a spreader of gossip?
* Do you frequently "forget" to do work or pass on messages that other people
are waiting for?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you probably don't enjoy your job
very much. And when you're in a negative mood, your inner brat brings you down
even more. Research has shown that while some jobs are more stressful than
others, dissatisfaction has more to do with your attitude than with the job
itself.
For example, consider two women, Abigail and Betty, who work as nurse's aides in
a hospital. Abigail complains, "All I do is clean up other people's messes.
Patients don't appreciate what I do for them. If I'm five minutes late or if I
forget to wash out a bedpan, I get yelled at. When I first started here, they
promised I'd get two breaks a day. Now I'm lucky if I even get one. I hate this
job."
Now here's how Betty sees her job: "I like to know that I can make the patients
more comfortable. They don't always show appreciation, but I guess I wouldn't
either if I was in as much pain as they are. Sometimes I get so busy that I
forget things, and my supervisor gets mad. She's got the administration
breathing down her neck and can't afford any patient complaints. There are days
when I don't even get a break, but the time sure flies by on those days. Even
though it's a hard job, I like helping people."
The Key Is Changing Perspective
You can see from this example that your job is what you make it. It makes no
difference whether you work inside or outside, at a desk or behind a counter, or
whether you wear jeans or a suit to work. If you focus on the negative, you will
never enjoy your job, no matter what you do or how much you get paid.
Abigail in the above example has a strong inner brat. She complains and finds
fault. She perceives herself as a victim. Not only will her inner brat make her
irritable and hard to get along with, but it will deprive her of the opportunity
to feel good about herself.
Betty is more positive about her job, but at the same time she is also
realistic. She's aware of the hard work and lack of appreciation. However,
instead of dwelling on what's missing from her job, she focuses on why she chose
to work there in the first place. She gets tired and stressed, but she also goes
home with a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.
No one is cheerful 100 percent of the time. Still, people who don't let their
inner brats make mountains out of molehills suffer less stress, are less angry,
and are more optimistic about the future.
There are many things you cannot control at work. For example, you have no
control over your boss's moods. If your boss is in a bad mood, he or she might
take it out on you. But you don't have to let your boss's inner brat push your
buttons and unleash your own inner brat.
Some aspects of your job may be monotonous or unpleasant. But even then, you can
view them in a different way, for example, by setting up a challenge, such as
racing the clock, or by doing things in a different order or with different
tools. By doing so, you gain a sense of control over your work, thereby reducing
both physical and mental stress.
"How can I possibly like my job when I work with impossible people!?"
Who hasn't had to work with someone who was unpleasant, uncooperative, or a
troublemaker? Such people not only bring their inner brats to work with them;
they allow them to take over. It's even worse when the inner brat belongs to
your boss.
The main problem with other people's inner brats is that they trigger your own
inner brat. Thus when Mary fails to relay an important phone message to you
because she's angry at you, this gets your own inner brat screaming inside your
head, "How dare she do that! She's not going to get away with this!" Then your
inner brat spends precious time brooding or plotting revenge.
Here are some things you can do when confronted with other people's inner brats.
* Ask yourself who "owns" the problem. Did you do something wrong, or is the
other person overreacting? If it's the latter, don't feel that you have to fix
things. Just minimize your interactions with the person, and don't complain or
gossip to someone else.
* If your boss is overreacting, say something to acknowledge her feelings, such
as, "I can see why you're upset." But don't try to explain or defend yourself at
this point. Wait until your boss has calmed down.
* When a coworker's uncooperativeness affects your ability to do your job, ask
yourself if this is the first time. If so, offer to help him expedite his end of
the job. If the person is habitually uncooperative, it's time to start
documenting your efforts and later bring it to the attention of a superior if
things don't improve. But do so in an objective way, documenting only facts, not
your opinions or feelings.
* Keep in mind that focusing on other people's bad moods, sarcastic comments,
and uncooperative behavior will drain you of energy. Wouldn't you rather save
your energy for something more productive or enjoyable?
* Finally, remember that it's easier to spot an inner brat in someone else than
in yourself. Are you sure it's the other guy's inner brat that's upsetting
you... or is it your own?
Copyright © 2004, 2006, Pauline Wallin, PhD. All rights reserved.
About the Author:
This article was written by Pauline Wallin, Ph.D., contributing author to "101
Great Ways to Improve Your Life: Volume 2." Dr. Wallin is a psychologist in Camp
Hill, PA, and the author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming
Self-Defeating Behavior" (Wildcat Canyon Press, 2004). Visit
http://www.innerbrat.com for more
information and to subscribe to her free monthly "Inner Brat Newsletter."
Her article above is one of 101 great chapters that can be found in "101 Great
Ways to Improve Your Life: Volume 2." This powerful compilation book -- with
John Gray, Jack Canfield, Richard Carlson, Bob Proctor, Alan Cohen, and
countless other experts -- contains 101 chapters of proven advice on how to
improve your life.
*** If you purchase just one copy of their new book today, you will also receïve
$1,500 worth of valuable bonus gifts. To see this special book package, please
visit
http://www.selfgrowth.com/products/greatwaysbook2.html
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*** Article: Back to Boot Camp – By Chris Widener ***
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You know, whenever you are going to make a major change and begin to undergo a
different lifestyle, it is probably good to make a massive move in that
direction. Think about it. As the old saying goes, “If you always do what you
have always done, you will always get what you have always got!” So if you keep
on living the way you are living, you will keep right on with the life that in
many ways you wish was changing! So how do you change your life? You change what
you are doing!
This is the basic idea behind the military’s Boot Camp. You know the drill. This
is where they take a bunch of 18-year-old kids who think they are in pretty good
shape, both physically and psychologically and they put them through six weeks
of misery! But the misery is intentional!
All of the hard work and physical and mental exercise they put the young folks
through is to strengthen them and to prepare them for the jobs they will be
performing later on. Could you imagine if the military took a lackadaisical
approach and greeted every new recruit with, “Welcome to the Army. We are going
to work you easy into your new lifestyle. You can get up tomorrow around ten and
brunch will be served at eleven. Come as you are.” No way! They get them
accustomed to drastic and massive change because they want them to have drastic
and massive change in their lives. The only time they ever got up at four a.m.
before was to go fishin’! Now it will be every morning!
So what about a life boot camp? Is it possible? Is it something we could, or
should, try? I think for many people, the idea of a six-week period of drastic
change would be great for them. Even if they didn’t live that way the rest of
their lives, they would still probably make a major shift in the direction
they'd want to go and would be happy with the results they'd receive.
So here are some thoughts on ways you could go through a life boot camp. Give it
a try for six weeks, just like in boot camp, and see if it doesn’t make a
difference in your life. As always, if you are going to do something physically,
contact a doctor, and if financially, contact your financial advisor before
beginning anything.
Health. Try getting up a half-hour earlier and going for a walk or a run every
day. Perhaps you just skip a half-hour of television at night and do it then.
Try cutting out desserts or other favorite fattening foods.
Emotions. Make contact with a broken relationship and begin to get together with
them to restore your friendship. Take time each day, even if just for fifteen
minutes, to sit quietly in silence or with some soft music just to quiet your
spirit.
Finances. Don’t make any new purchases that aren’t essential for six weeks. Take
any extra money you get and pay it all toward your debt. Every nickel!
Spiritual. Attend your local family of faith for six weeks in a row. Take time
each day to listen to some spiritual music or read good faith building
literature. (This can probably be combined with the time you take for emotions)
These are just some thoughts for you. I am sure you can come up with some of
your own. The idea is to make a drastic step in the right direction. Maybe you
do all of them; maybe you combine just a few. The goal, however, is to put
yourself into a life boot camp situation. That is what will help you change and
make you strong!
Come on soldier, the trumpet is blowing!
About the Author:
Chris Widener is a popular speaker and author who has shared the podium with
U.S. presidents, helping individuals and organizations turn their potential into
performance, succeed in every area of their lives, and achieve their dreams.
Join subscribers in over 100 countries for a weekly leadership and success eZine,
and enjoy motivational audio programs from Chris Widener and other top speakers
including Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy by visiting
http://www.MadeForSuccess.net
2006 Made for Success. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
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*** Book Review: Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting Yourself
Be Loved – By Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D. ***
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In an intelligent and insightful volume, Hendrix and Hunt, cocreators of Imago
Relationship Therapy and coauthors of "Getting the Love You Want," share their
solution to a common relationship problem: the difficulty of accepting love,
expressed by, for example, criticizing a gift from one's partner or spurning an
intimate gesture.
The authors, husband and wife, begin by talking painfully about how their own
marriage nearly ended because Harville, despite obvious evidence to the
contrary, didn't feel loved by his wife. As the authors note, there are many
ways "to defend yourself against someone else's desire to encourage, help, or
love you," whether because you overvalue your partner and feel unworthy of his
or her love, or because you devalue that partner and see him or her as unworthy
of giving love. The authors instruct readers to examine their childhood dynamics
for unconscious influences on their view of relationships, such as uncomfortable
feelings of self-rejection. And taking a page from Martin Buber, they also focus
on what is "between" the I and Thou in a relationship, "the sacred space between
two individuals" that can unite them or serve as a "dumping ground" for anger.
These complicated concepts become clear as illustrated through in-depth looks at
three heterosexual and same-sex couples. And through their Imago dialoguing
technique, the authors also provide concrete steps to learn how to have a truly
empathetic conversation that gets beneath the surface of a couple's problems.
With this wise and sophisticated book, readers can learn to receive love and, in
doing so, "reclaim [their] own desires, dreams and abilities." (Copyright © Reed
Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.)
*****
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