Self Improvement Newsletter
Issue # 450, April 24-25, 2007
FREE Self
Improvement Newsletter, Click here!Please Visit Our Sponsors
Self Improvement Newsletter
Issue # 450, April 24-25, 2007
FREE Self
Improvement Newsletter, Click here!
Please Visit Our Sponsors
* Self Improvement and Personal Growth Weekly Newsletter
* Issue # 450, Week of April 24-25, 2007
Publisher: David Riklan -
http://www.SelfGrowth.com
In this issue:
-- Quotes of the Week
-- Personal Growth Products and Services
-- Article: You Don't Need Their Approval: Who Are They Anyway? - By Ehryck
Gilmore
-- Article: How to Overcome Social Anxiety and Perfectionism at Work - By Dr.
Larina Kase
-- Book Review: The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life - By Martha
Beck
-- Brief News of the World
-- How to Subscribe and Unsubscribe from this Newsletter
Current Subscribers - 255,850 subscribers Removal instructions are listed at the
end of the newsletter.
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*** Quotes of the Week ***
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One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards. - Oscar Wilde,
1854-1900, Irish Dramatist/Novelist/Poet
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. - Winston
Churchill, 1874-1965, English Politician/Author/Nobel Prize Winner
Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to
it. - Lou Holtz, American College Football Coach and Motivational Speaker
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*** Personal Growth Products and Services ***
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*** Article: You Don't Need Their Approval: Who Are They Anyway? - By Ehryck
Gilmore ***
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What is approval? It is the acceptance as satisfactory. The act of giving
validity. We seek approval to satisfy our desire to be loved. If someone
approves of some event or occurrence that happens in our lives, we feel
appreciated. Whether this appreciation comes from our parents, spouse, or
friends, we feel acceptance and make a mental note to ourselves saying "I did
something, and they're pleased."
Why we look outside ourselves for this approval is one of the mysteries of life
that plays out every day in our world. It is like being in grade school, where
the teacher passes out stars for exemplary work. Stars were, even then,
classified in order of acceptance--gold, silver, bronze, etc.
Most people, on an intellectual level, don't believe they need anyone else's
approval. But have you ever asked someone at one time or another, "How do I
look?" There you have it! For those who are self-assured, the phrase would have
been "I look good, don't I?" accompanied by a big smile. When you are sure of
yourself and sure of your path in life, you do not look for or seek another's
approval.
Acknowledgment is different from approval. Allowing someone else to say you look
great does not change who you are nor the mood or spirit you are in at the time.
Seeking approval can paralyze your life because you become dependent on others
to tell you whether you are doing the right thing at the right time. It is like
sitting in the driver's seat of your car waiting for someone to give you the
keys so you can rev it up and hit the road. Isn't it foolish to believe, to take
the analogy further, that you can live your life waiting for someone else to
give you the keys?
Ask yourself, "Do I know what I know now because someone gave me the knowledge
or his approval?" Is there ever a time when approval from another is necessary?
Yes, if you work for an employer who wants a task performed in a certain manner.
But in life scenarios where outside approval is not required, why would you seek
another's approval when he is on a path of life that may not be the same as your
own?
The soul never seeks approval, only man.
If you still want approval, then approve of yourself and how you want to live
your life. Now, with an inner knowing, say to yourself, "There is no one above
me other than the Universe that I seek approval from." If this is the case, how
can anyone give you the approval you crave other than the Universe?
I often question the term "they" because I want to know who "they" are.
Who are these Universally appointed, highly evolved, all-knowing, intelligent
people that keep a person from moving forward? Digging a little deeper will
likely reveal that the "they" most people talk about are their own fears. And
amidst this search for praise from others, what most people are looking for is a
way to put off the choice of making a decision, a decision that requires the
energy of a self-assured, self-aware, and confident person. How might you look
at approval? Well, when you regularly seek approval, it shows that you are not
sure about yourself, so how can anyone be sure about you?
Sometimes we are so concerned about the way approval is supposed to look or be
packaged that part of ourselves that craves approval totally misses it. We then
continue on a path of self-sabotage, trying to recreate the emotion of approval
in another way.
Like letting a writer pen the screenplay to your life while you sit and
anticipate the outcome, some people turn their lives over to others to dictate
what, how, and when they should feel. Then as you read the screenplay of your
life, you want to cry. Why? Because the "they" have given you a script that you
can't live up to, or have created a character that you don't want to be.
Wouldn't it just be easier to accept the fact that you don't need anyone's
approval other than your own and your Creator's?
Most people have not taken the time to become whole within themselves.
While searching for a confirmation of who they are and what they believe, they
constantly look to sources outside of themselves for acceptance and thus slowly
relinquish personal responsibility to others.
Think of yourself as a cup. When the water in the cup is not filled to the top,
there is room for something else or someone else to fill it.
Whether those empty spaces are filled with love, light, or negativity, it does
not matter to the Universe, as long as they are being filled.
What does matter is that you choose what your cup is filled with because if you
are not filling it with much-needed love, understanding, and the teachings of
infinite wisdom, anyone can come fill your cup with whom and what they are
(negative or positive), whether you need it or not and whether you like it or
not.
In your quest to become whole, doesn't filling your cup with self-love sound
better than allowing someone to pour mud into it? Whoever fills the cup gains
control of the mind and hence your life. Whose cup is it anyway? Filling your
cup on your own, with your own truths, your own acquired knowledge, desires,
goals, and dreams, can bring you a sense of peace. If you are fulfilling these
obligations to yourself, you will no longer need to search for answers outside
of those already springing forth from your inner self.
There are many ways to find out who you are: through work, art, literature,
music, and the earth. However, we tend to look toward others when this journey
should be one of a personal, spiritual nature. It is important to know that
those to whom you look for guidance are probably looking, too! The spirit, the
ever-flowing part of the Universe that connects all of us and every living thing
and inanimate object, must be the source that fills us, not the Guru on the
mountain.
Who Are You? The more you become aware of who you are, the greater your signal
out to the Universe...and the greater the signal, the greater the connection.
It's up to you to keep your connection to the Universe. No one else is
responsible for your life.
Words are not essential; it is the essence of who you are that is moving the
energy. It is focused thought and energy in motion that creates. If you want to
keep real momentum, you must constantly re-educate and reprogram yourself on
what is happening now. Otherwise, you will struggle, physically and mentally,
from that lower level. That struggle and stress will take their toll on the body
sooner or later, resulting in illness and disease.
How might you make a smooth transition? Do your homework. Do the research to
disclose the latest trends, processes, and data. Let go of old habits and
beliefs that do not apply to the now. Start implementing tangible changes in
your environment that stimulate productivity; get advice from a life coach or
another professional who has a specialty in your area of interest; and
network-exchange and share information.
About the Author:
This article was written by Ehryck F. Gilmore, contributing author to
"101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life: Volume 2." Ehryck is a certified
hypnotherapist, life coach, empowerment coach, intuitive counselor, and author.
He is also a master practitioner of neuro-linguistic programming. Visit his
website is http://www.ehryckgilmore.com
His article above is one of 101 great chapters that can be found in "101 Great
Ways to Improve Your Life: Volume 2." This powerful compilation book -- with
John Gray, Jack Canfield, Richard Carlson, Bob Proctor, Alan Cohen, and
countless other experts -- contains 101 chapters of proven advice on how to
improve your life.
*** If you purchase just one copy of their new book today, you will also receive
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----------------------------------------------------
*** Article: How to Overcome Social Anxiety and Perfectionism at Work - By Dr.
Larina Kase ***
----------------------------------------------------
A business executive named Bob had a hidden problem at work. He became nervous
when he interacted with colleagues and performed various tasks.
While he didn't have an anxiety disorder, he frequently worried about his work
performance.
Because Bob was grateful for his position, he was afraid of failure--he didn't
want to disappoint. Time management and self-esteem suffered because he
frequently got caught up in details and ended up behind in his work.
Bob experienced social anxiety and the fear of public speaking, especially about
giving presentations in front of his boss. While he spoke, his primary anxiety
symptom was a racing heart. And he lacked assurance in his communication skills.
Small talk and socializing made him uncomfortable.
How to Overcome Anxiety at Work
Do you experience fears like Bob's that sap your confidence and hinder your
career development? Do you procrastinate, worry about being a leader or doing a
great job, dread giving presentations, or have insomnia from time to time?
If you experience any of these types of concerns, I'll tell you some of the ways
I helped Bob that can help you too.
First, I asked Bob, "What are you doing to ensure that you don't fail?"
Sounds like a weird question, doesn't it? But, you see, most people who worry
end up doing things to make their fear more likely to happen! Such was the case
with Bob.
Bob told me that he worked extremely hard--often until 9 p.m. or later, and
triple-checked his work to make sure that everything was just right.
Sometimes he put things off if he didn't feel he had sufficient time to do them
extremely well. I told Bob that he was experiencing perfectionism, a common
source of workplace distress and time management problems.
To cure his perfectionism, we had him do things less perfectly. I told him, "Try
to complete projects at only 90% instead of the 120% you've been doing." He was
wasting 30% effort for very low returns. When he purposefully worked faster and
focused less on details, the quality of his work actually sky-rocketed. Nobody
noticed the decrease in "perfect-ness" of his work; instead people noticed that
he had more energy and accomplished more. He used the freed up time to be with
family and go to the gym, which further helped him feel relaxed and happy.
Second, we focused on his fear of public speaking. In reality, Bob was a
sociable and interesting man and a great speaker. Why was he uncomfortable? Bob
held rigid rules about what was proper to discuss and when. He questioned
whether his statements were appropriate. If he asked about a coworker's
holidays, he feared being too personal. If he discussed the weather, he thought
it was too mundane. Of course, this continuous evaluation increased his
discomfort.
The same process occurred when he gave presentations. He wondered what everyone
was thinking, whether he was boring people, and if he was saying things just
right.
I asked Bob to speak naturally without censoring his thoughts. I recommended
that he focus on the significance of his message while presenting, not on the
details of how he was delivering it. When he made these subtle changes, he came
across very well.
Increase Your Confidence and Work Performance
If you experience worry at work like Bob did, rest assured, it does not
necessarily mean that you have an anxiety disorder. There are things you can do
to boost your confidence.
Identify the thought patterns that keep the worries around and challenge those
thoughts. ("How do I know it is true that I'm a 'bad' speaker?") Do not avoid
what makes you nervous--instead get as much experience as possible. If you're
afraid of failing, push yourself to try anyway.
Remember, you do not need to let nerves control you; you can control them and
find greater success and enjoyment in your work.
About the Author:
Larina Kase, PsyD, MBA, is a business coach to entrepreneurs and executives, and
author of "Anxious 9 to 5: How to Beat Worry, Stop Second Guessing Yourself, and
Work with Confidence." Find her tips in media like The New York Times and
Entrepreneur Magazine. For a free book chapter including a quiz to see if you
have work-related social anxiety or perfectionism, go to
http://www.anxious9to5.com
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*** Book Review: The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life - By Martha
Beck ***
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Beck, author of the best-selling "Finding Your Own North Star" and columnist for
O magazine, delivers another useful and sure-to-be-popular self-help guide. "The
Joy Diet," designed for the soul rather than the body, is composed of 10 steps
that, once learned, are to be practiced on a daily basis to achieve greater
fulfillment and a happier life. Beck strongly suggests becoming thoroughly
familiar with each step, by practicing it for a week, before adding the next
step.
According to the author, the first step, spending 15 uninterrupted minutes a day
doing nothing (meditating, engaging in repetitive physical activity, staring at
some natural motion like flowing water), is the hardest to learn and the basis
for all the other activities. She contends that a daily period of mindful
silence provides a sanctuary that no one can ever take from you. The other nine
steps include methods for dealing with emotional pain, identifying true desires,
employing creativity to realize yearnings, and taking appropriate risks.
Beck advocates daily self-nourishment through play, humor, and the enjoyment of
at least three personalized treats. Written in a down-to-earth, positive tone,
the author's thoughtfully designed exercises, inspirational anecdotes, and
gentle advice should fall on fertile ground. (Copyright 2003 Reed Business
Information, Inc.)
*****
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