Self Improvement Newsletter
Issue # 452, May 8-9, 2007
FREE Self
Improvement Newsletter, Click here!Please Visit Our Sponsors
Self Improvement Newsletter
Issue # 452, May 8-9, 2007
FREE Self
Improvement Newsletter, Click here!
Please Visit Our Sponsors
* Self Improvement and Personal Growth Weekly Newsletter
* Issue # 452, Week of May 8-9, 2007
Publisher: David Riklan -
http://www.SelfGrowth.com
In this issue:
-- Quotes of the Week
-- Personal Growth Products and Services
-- Article: Are You Stressed Out? - By Susan Ratynski
-- Article: Addiction to Self-Judgment - By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
-- Book Review: Where Peace Lives - By Debbie Robins
-- Brief News of the World
-- How to Subscribe and Unsubscribe from this Newsletter
Current Subscribers - 256,250 subscribers Removal instructions are listed at the
end of the newsletter.
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*** Quotes of the Week ***
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To learn to read is to light a fire; every syllable that is spelled out is a
spark. - Victor Hugo, 1802-1885, French Poet/Dramatist/Novelist
The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more. - Jonas Salk,
1914-1995, American Physician and Researcher
Success without honor is an unseasoned dish; it will satisfy your hunger, but it
won't taste good. - Joe Paterno, American Football Coach
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*** Article: Are You Stressed Out? - By Susan Ratynski ***
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Do you have difficulty expressing your anger? Are you unable to say no?
Are you suffering from a constant need to prove yourself or to do it all? Do you
often feel tired and burned out? If so, you are probably experiencing the
symptoms of stress.
Stress left unattended will lead to burnout. Aren't you tired of living an
unhealthy lifestyle?
We all have different sources of stress and different ways of handling those
stressors. First, what is a stressor? This is different for everyone, but more
common stressors are traffic, rude people, bills, family, friends, too many
activities, too few activities, job, health issues, relationships...the list can
go on and on. What one person considers stressful, another might not. It is not
so much a person, place, or situation that stresses you out as it is how you
react to it.
Stressor + Thought + Response = STRESS!
A stressor added to your thoughts about it, added to your response, can equal
stress.
Connie, a college student studying for her MBA, explains it this way: "A
stressor for me is traffic. I know I hate getting caught in it, and that leads
to my getting aggressive behind the wheel." Connie's thought of hate adds to her
response of aggression, which only equals stress.
Signs of Stress
Some signs of stress include, but are not limited to, the following three areas.
* Psychological. Depression; boredom; urge to cry; worry; helpless feelings;
urge to run.
* Situational. Fault finding/blaming; perfectionism; aggressiveness; smoking;
over/under eating; reclusive behavior; argumentative attitude.
* Physical. Headache; muscle tension; high blood pressure; heart pounding;
stomach problems; sweating; dizziness.
Stress Management
Stress management involves observing your stressor and shifting how you define
your thoughts about it to respond in a nonstressful way.
Let's look at the three main areas that stress affects and learn techniques in
managing your thought responses. Remember, we are not talking about stress
elimination, but stress management. It is impossible to totally eliminate stress
as it is part of daily life.
However, it is possible to change how we react to it.
Psychological Stress
1. Manage how you talk to yourself. Listen to the words you are saying to
yourself throughout the day. Are you saying, "I should know everything" or "I
should never lose my temper"? These thoughts set unrealistic expectations. No
one is perfect--why do you believe you should be? Counter these thoughts with
their opposites, such as "I may not know everything, but I am pretty smart at
some things" or "I lost my temper this time, but now I am aware of it and next
time will keep calm." Simply talking to yourself and defeating the negative
self-talk with positive statements helps to lift your spirits.
2. Don't take yourself so darn seriously! Life is not meant to be hard and
miserable. Our lives were meant to be filled with joy and abundance as per
scripture, John 10:10: "I have come that you may have life, and have it more
abundantly." So choose life! Bring out your creativity.
What hobbies or activities did you once enjoy that you are no longer involved
in? If you once played a musical instrument, play it again.
Read, sew, play tennis, watch a comedy, socialize with positive, fun people, or
read a bedtime story to a child. The point is to do something you find fun and
exciting.
Situational Stress
Stress is a sign of reduced productivity through procrastination, inflexibility,
poor memory recall, perfectionism, unrealistic deadlines, or disorganization.
Following are some solutions on increasing your efficiency, while lowering your
stress level.
1. Do only one thing at a time. Start with the biggest, hardest tasks on your
to-do list, followed by the smaller, easier tasks. Too many people begin with
the smaller tasks only to run out of time before starting the larger tasks, and
they become overwhelmed and stressed out. Start with the biggest task because
when you complete it, the sense of accomplishment will make you feel good and
help you to move on quickly to the smaller tasks.
2. Group errands or tasks together. Plan your driving route for the day.
Instead of driving all over town with no real plan, group your errands together
to help save time. If you need to go to the post office, cleaner's, gas station,
and grocery store, then plan your route for the shortest drive possible. If the
post office and cleaner's are closer, then go there first on your way to the gas
station, and end at the grocery store. The main purpose is not to backtrack and
waste time.
3. Delegate, delegate, delegate! Probably the hardest thing for most people to
do, especially perfectionists, is to delegate activities.
Remember, you do not have to do it all. Delegate easier tasks to family members,
coworkers, neighbors, or friends. You may be surprised at how willing others are
to help you. Do yourself a favor and ask.
Physiological Stress
Stress affects our bodies in various ways, however, we can protect our health
with the following: (1) eat balanced meals; (2) exercise regularly; and (3)
learn to relax daily.
You probably have read enough informational articles on diet and exercise, but
do you really know how to relax? Learning how to relax daily will help you
manage your stress. I personally like meditation and prayer to put me in a
relaxed state. Deep breathing is another helpful technique. Try this exercise
right now: take a deep breath in through your nose for a five-second count, hold
for three more seconds, and then exhale though your mouth for a count of five
seconds. Repeat this entire exercise five times.
Notice how you now feel? Can you feel the relaxation seeping through your entire
body? Deep breathing is easy to do anywhere, whether you are in the office,
stuck in traffic, standing in line, or waiting in the doctor's office. You can
use this technique today, right now.
Managing Your Stress
The main thing to remember in stress management is that you are responsible for
your overall health. Know what your stressors are, and understand that your
responses to them have not worked in the past and need to be redefined.
Remember Connie, our MBA college student stuck in commuting traffic? I coached
her on ways to redefine her thoughts regarding traffic, and she now manages her
stress in a completely different way. "When I realized that I was creating my
own stress regarding the traffic, I decided I needed to stop getting angry about
something that was totally out of my control. I took the time spent in my car to
listen to audio books of some of my college courses, and now I'm actually ahead
in my studies. I no longer get stressed out in traffic but look forward to the
time in the car for listening to my classes."
About the Author:
This article was written by Susan Ratynski, contributing author to "101 Great
Ways to Improve Your Life: Volume 2." Susan is a sought-after life coach and
speaker. Founder and president of Enjoy Life! Coaching, she specializes in
personal and career coaching that connects your mind, body, and spirit to help
you achieve maximum results for a balanced lifestyle. Contact Susan at
http://www.EnjoyLifeCoaching.com
Her article above is one of 101 great chapters that can be found in "101 Great
Ways to Improve Your Life: Volume 2." This powerful compilation book -- with
John Gray, Jack Canfield, Richard Carlson, Bob Proctor, Alan Cohen, and
countless other experts -- contains 101 chapters of proven advice on how to
improve your life.
*** If you purchase just one copy of their new book today, you will also receive
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*** Article: Addiction to Self-Judgment - By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. ***
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"I'm such a jerk. How could I have said that?"
"I'm a loser. I'll never get anywhere."
"I'm so stupid. I should have learned this by now."
"I don't fit in. I don't belong with these people."
"I'll never be good enough. I'll never do it right enough."
"I'm permanently emotionally damaged. I'll never be okay."
"No one could love me. I'm not lovable."
...and so on and so on.
Are you aware of your self-judgments? Are you aware of how often you judge
yourself as bad, wrong, or inadequate? Are you aware of how you end up feeling
as a result of your self-judgments?
In my counseling work with people, I find that self-judgment is one of the major
causes of fear, anger, anxiety, and depression. Yet most people don't realize
that these painful feelings are the result of their own thoughts, their own
self-judgments. Most of the time, when I ask an anxious client why they are
feeling anxious, they tell me that it's because of something that happened to
them. They usually believe that an event or a person caused their anxiety. Yet
when I ask them what they are thinking that might be causing their anxiety, they
will tell me a self-judgment such as, "I'll never get this right," or they are
projecting their own judgment onto me and telling themselves, "Margaret doesn't
like me," or "Margaret is getting impatient with me." When they judge themselves
or make up that I'm judging them, they get anxious.
There is nothing actually happening that is causing their anxiety, other than
their own thoughts.
Pointing out to them that they are causing their anxiety with their
self-judgment doesn't necessarily stop the judgment. This is because
self-judgment is often an addiction. An addiction is a habitual behavior that is
intended to protect against pain. What is the pain that self-judgment is
intended to protect against?
Generally, the hope of self-judgment is to protect against rejection and
failure. The false beliefs are that, "If I judge myself, then others won't judge
me and reject me. I can be safe from others' judgment by judging myself first,"
or "If I judge myself, I can motivate myself to do things right and succeed.
Then I will feel safe and be loved and accepted by others."
However, just as a child does far better in school with encouragement than with
criticism, so do we as adults. Criticism tends to scare and immobilize us.
Instead of motivating us, it often creates so much anxiety that we get frozen
and become unable to take appropriate action for ourselves. More self-judgment
follows the lack of action, which results in more anxiety and immobilization,
until we create a situation where we are completely stuck and miserable.
The way out of this is to become aware of the feelings of fear, anxiety, anger,
or depression and then ask yourself, "What did I just tell myself that is
creating this feeling?" Once you become aware of the self-judgment, you can then
ask yourself, "Am I certain that what I am telling myself is true?" If you are
not 100% certain that what you are telling yourself is true, you can ask your
higher, wise self or a spiritual source of wisdom, "What is the truth?" If you
are really open to learning about the truth, the truth will pop into your mind,
and it will be much different than what you have been telling yourself.
For example, "I'm such a jerk. How could I have said that?" becomes "We all mess
up at times. It's okay to make mistakes -- it's part of being human. Making a
mistake does not mean that you are a jerk." When we open to the truth, we will
discover a kind and compassionate way of speaking to ourselves, a way that makes
us feel loved and safe rather than anxious, angry. or depressed.
Addictions are always challenging to resolve, and an addiction to self-judgment
is no exception. So be easy on yourself, and don't judge yourself for judging
yourself! It will take time and dedication to become aware of your
self-judgments and learn to be kind toward yourself, but the end result is so
worth the effort!
About the Author:
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books,
including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your
Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner BondingR healing
process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her website for a FREE Inner Bonding
course, http://www.innerbonding.com,
or email her at
margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.
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*** Book Review: Where Peace Lives - By Debbie Robins ***
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http://www.wherepeacelives.com/bringpeacehome/
In the enchanted world of "Where Peace Lives," an angel named Peace is locked in
a glass box and can't get out. To make matters worse, Peace's wings have started
to droop and the Peacedust has begun to fade. The fate of the world may be at
stake.
With delightful characters that are inspired by the universal teachings of
Mahatma Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Buddha, Jesus Christ, Moses, and
Mohammad, the storyteller (who is never mentioned by name, gender, or age, so
each reader can make this journey their own) discovers that the "Three Keys to
Peace" are not physical keys. To learn what they are, Robins invites you to read
the book.
This book was written to inspire the world to study, learn, and practice more
peace. To encourage parents to become their children's peace teachers and insist
that our educational system include the study of peace. "Peace can be right
after English and just before history."
"Where Peace Lives" is a call to action to strengthen our peace 'muscle,' and
make it our most dominant, global trait. Written in the vein of "The Little
Prince" and beautifully illustrated, "Where Peace Lives" is a classic in the
making, a delight for children and adults alike.
*****
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