Self Improvement Newsletter
Issue # 454, May 22-23, 2007
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Improvement Newsletter, Click here!Please Visit Our Sponsors
Self Improvement Newsletter
Issue # 454, May 22-23, 2007
FREE Self
Improvement Newsletter, Click here!
Please Visit Our Sponsors
* Self Improvement and Personal Growth Weekly Newsletter
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Issue # 454, Week of May 22-23, 2007
Publisher: David Riklan -
http://www.SelfGrowth.com
In this issue:
-- Quotes of the Week
-- Personal Growth Products and Services
-- Article: How to Handle Bossy People (Especially Those Who Aren't Even Your
Boss!) – By Hale Dwoskin
-- Article: Be Comforted: Starting Over is an Ongoing Job – By Charlene M.
Proctor, Ph.D.
-- Book Review: Time Management from the Inside Out: The Foolproof System for
Taking Control of Your Schedule--and Your Life – By Julie Morgenstern
-- Brief News of the World
-- How to Subscribe and Unsubscribe from this Newsletter
Current Subscribers – 256,701 subscribers
Removal instructions are listed at the end of the newsletter.
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*** Quotes of the Week ***
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What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to
choose life. – Leo Buscaglia, 1924-1998, American Author and Expert on Love and
Human Relationships
He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he
would like to have. – Socrates, 470-399 B.C., Greek Philosopher
The luck of having talent is not enough; one must also have a talent for luck. –
Hector Berlioz, 1803-1869, French Romantic Composer
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*** Article: How to Handle Bossy People (Especially Those Who Aren't Even Your
Boss!) – By Hale Dwoskin ***
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Among the many types of "difficult" people you will inevitably face in your life
are the bossy ones. These are people who, for no other reason than they want to,
tell you what you should be doing with your life, how you should be doing it,
and -- everyone's favorite -- what you shouldn't have done already.
The thing about bossy people, though, is that they think they're doing you a
favor. Your mother, for instance, simply must tell you to wash your hands (even
though you're nearly 40 years old) because she can't bear to let you walk around
with germs on them. Your spouse, meanwhile, may try to boss you around in the
backyard because he or she is sure you'll pull out the tomato plant instead of
the milkweed. The potential catastrophes are simply too great to not lend these
pearls of wisdom.
To the recipient, of course, being bossed around can be downright maddening,
particularly when it's coming from someone who is probably better off minding
their own business. However, you don't have to let bossy people get the better
of you.
How to Handle Bossy People (in a Kind and Healthy Way)
Because nobody likes being bossed around or controlled, you may be tempted to
confront the bossy person in an accusatory way, which will surely escalate the
situation and leave you with nothing but more strife. So the next time you find
yourself with a bossy, controlling person, use these tips to handle the
situation with eloquence, class, and a positive outcome for you.
1. Confront the person in an appreciative way. You certainly should address a
bossy person's offensive behavior, but you must do so gently. Start out by
showing your appreciation, then stating that you're happy doing things your own
way. (Try, "I appreciate that you're trying to help me do the dishes more
effectively, but I prefer to use the sponge, not the dish rag.")
2. Release your frustrations. Being bossed around can bring up many negative
feelings, including anger, frustration, anxiety, and even a loss of self-esteem.
The last thing you want to do is internalize these feelings and create an
unnecessary source of stress in your life. The Sedona Method is an ideal tool
you can use to release these negative emotions simply, quickly, and for good.
3. Stand your ground. While realizing that most bossy people do have good
intentions, you should make it clear to him or her that you have no intention of
changing your behaviors. It may be that the person continues to try and control
you, but it's also possible that, upon seeing your confidence, he or she will
eventually back down and leave you be. Again, this should be done in a kind, not
accusatory, way. (Such as, "Mom, I do so many things around the house the way
you do, but when it comes to making salad, I like to cut the tomatoes in
quarters, not slices.")
4. Give them a taste of their own medicine. Sometimes bossy people may not
realize how offensive their remarks can be... until they experience it
themselves. Next time someone tries bossing you around, experiment with being
bossy in return. It may just help to curb the behavior altogether. For instance,
if a bossy friend tells you how to get your hair cut, tell them your opinion
about how they should be cutting theirs. Just be careful not to go overboard
with this and become a bossy person yourself!
About the Author:
Hale Dwoskin is the author of the New York Times best seller "The Sedona
Method," and he is one of the 24 teachers from the movie "The Secret." Hale is
the CEO and Director of Training of Sedona Training Associates, an organization
headquartered in Sedona, Arizona. He has trained thousands of people worldwide
to release limiting and unwanted thoughts and feelings using the powerful Sedona
Method techniques. To learn how the Sedona Method can help YOU, visit
http://www.selfgrowth.com/products/sedona.html
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*** Article: Be Comforted: Starting Over is an Ongoing Job – By Charlene M.
Proctor, Ph.D. ***
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How often have you sent out a proposal, done something for another person, been
through a terrible relationship, and proclaimed, "Oh, that's the absolute last
time. I will never go through that again." The truth is, if you live a long
life, you will see those same challenges cropping up over and over. The
difference lies in the way you navigate though those challenges, still keeping
your resiliency factor high. Starting over just gives you a chance to do it
better.
We're always starting over, in one form or another, trying something different:
a new job, new relationship, new formula for success, new idea to launch into
the world, a new philosophy to keep our children on a good track. Unconsciously,
we are hitting the refresh button on our screen every day -- several times a
day, if you really think about it. Learning to be resilient is about refreshing
your outlook and staying in present moment awareness. It's about balancing
complexity and embracing life's contrast with open arms, while celebrating all
the glorious aspects of life. A tall order? Well, nobody said it would be easy.
You've signed on for the big roller coaster ride. There is no light without a
little bit of darkness -- it's a package deal!
We're All in the Same Boat
The human condition is not yet excused from grief, loss, death, failure,
divorce, ill health, difficult relationships, or adversity of any sort. We have
not yet established a collective mental equivalent for a world without such
ideas. But in the interim, our resiliency can be strengthened by knowing each
day begins anew. Having greater resiliency opens space for positive change and
put us on the evolutionary path toward living life with greater, positive
expectations.
When we experience loss, in the form of another person leaving, it is absolutely
necessary to move through the pain, experience it, grieve, get angry, perhaps
resign, in order to move forward. But pain takes you to a step where you will be
in a position to accept comfort -- allowing someone else a chance to do their
soul work. Pain does lead to peace if we put moving forward at the top of the
agenda. Moving forward through loss and grief is a lesson in using empty space
for love, not more loss. Find the strength to crack open that space inside you,
no matter how painful. Continue exchanging with others and fight the urge to
isolate yourself. You will be amazed at what resides within.
We Can Develop More Compassion When Experiencing Grief
Many times we are overlooked for comfort. Being isolated during periods where we
need comfort more than ever -- and not necessarily by choice -- is difficult to
accept. When my father-in-law died unexpectedly a few years ago, I experienced
my own grief as well as empathically experiencing the grief of family and
friends. I expected to have my own grief recognized -- after all, isn't that a
part of the grieving and healing process? However, during the funeral activities
and subsequent encounters I had with church clergy and many members of the
community, the offer of compassion was only directed toward my husband. Many,
many times, over the course of months, I stood beside my husband, whose hand was
grasped, his grief acknowledged, while I stood there unrecognized. I wondered,
"Are my own feelings of loss not appropriate? Or is my function here to just
keep facilitating the process for everyone else while my own grief would be more
of a burden on those around me?"
This added even more hurtful heaviness to my plate, but in the end I became
stronger and more perceptive. I had to learn how to ask for what I needed and
realized I wasn't going to get it unless I asked. When a close friend was killed
in a car accident the following spring, I readily asked for comfort while giving
it at the same time. Providing loving support to her grieving family, and my
own, seemed easier while I allowed my own grief to run its course. I healed, and
healed others, while I grieved. I fully participated in the process of being in
grief while comforting others, and accepted comfort readily from everyone I
knew. I imposed no limitations for healing, from myself or from others, because
I learned how to accept and give simultaneously. I was an open channel for grief
-- accepting and giving comfort all at once.
Do Not Be Afraid of Grief
I learned my grief lessons well that year, considering I attended funerals for
four other people and gave emotional support to many others whose loved ones had
crossed over. It was a far cry from what I had ever experienced previously. The
universe does have a way of driving a point home. Remember, comfort equals both
input and output, sometimes in a synchronized process leading to healing. Don't
be afraid. Use these types of lessons well when it is your time. It expands your
heart and puts you in touch with the whole of humanity.
Give and Receive Comfort Regularly
Overall, I think we do not receive enough instruction in the subject of comfort
when we know starting over is the only option, either for ourselves or for
others. Know that comfort is a two-way street. Offer comfort in large doses and
practice giving it. Acknowledge a person's loss, but when it's your turn to be
on the receiving end, be willing to accept comfort and ask for more when needed.
Here is how you can reach out to others:
* Practice comforting. Sometimes it is difficult to offer the highest vision of
ourselves in the form of comfort as some people are fearful of sharing your
loss. I suppose the older we get, we just get better at consoling others. But
never distance yourself from those who are experiencing adversity, never ever.
You must learn that reaching out is part of our soul story too.
* Keep on giving. Offer everyone comfort, in the best way you know how, for all
types of adverse circumstances. Keep calling, send notes, bring dinner, give
more hugs. Your resiliency factor will become astounding. And when you are told
"Things will never be all right again" by those you've assured it will be all
right, you've still done a good job. You've just grown the size of your heart
ten-fold.
* Hold a positive vision for someone else. Because our thoughts are powerful,
you have the ability to visualize a positive outcome for just about anything.
Use your energy to hold that person, family, or situation in the healing light
of the Divine. In your own mind, become a channel for healing for that
individual by sending help their way.
Above all, know that we are expected to see life's contrast. Adversity is just
part of the program; no matter how challenging, we are designed to triumphantly
overcome any obstacle we may encounter.
© The Goddess Network, Inc. and Charlene M. Proctor, Ph.D. 2007. All Rights
Reserved. See
http://www.thegoddessnetwork.com/connect.php?page=eshow for more empowering
thoughts! Register for The E-Show, a series of enlightening lectures!
About the Author:
Dr. Charlene M. Proctor is the founder of The Goddess Network, Inc., an on-line
educational resource for topics on spirituality, relationships, and women's
studies. Author of "Let Your Goddess Grow!" she is a researcher and educator in
the field of women's empowerment and develops self-empowerment strategies for
women in all walks of life. She is a subject matter expert for Beliefnet.com,
the world's largest self-help and personal growth website. Her affirmations from
"The Women's Book of Empowerment" reach 2.7 million web visitors daily. She
currently facilitates the PATH to Empowerment program for Lighthouse Path in
Michigan, a residential women's shelter for homeless mothers, teaching them how
to cope with life and increase self-esteem and confidence. To learn more, visit
http://www.thegoddessnetwork.net
Check out the Experts page for Charlene M. Proctor, Ph.D., the Official Guide on
Positive Thinking:
http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/charlene_proctor.html
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*** Book Review: Time Management from the Inside Out: The Foolproof System for
Taking Control of Your Schedule--and Your Life – By Julie Morgenstern ***
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In "Organizing from the Inside Out," author Julie Morgenstern used three main
strategies to whip a living space or office into shape: "analyze, strategize,
attack." Using the same system, Morgenstern now shows readers how to get rid of
chaotic schedules in order to live more comfortable and productive lives.
Morgenstern likens a cluttered schedule to a cluttered closet. For example, a
closet is typically "crammed with more stuff than storage," and a schedule is
typically "crammed with more tasks than time."
Those who fear "time management" because they worry about living uncreative or
overly scheduled lives will find themselves reassured by Morgenstern's ability
to customize her system. The most important thing readers must do, she
emphasizes, is to create a time management system that fits one's personal
style--whether it be spontaneous and easily distracted or highly regimented and
efficient. "Just as everyone's living room looks different, reflecting the
individual's or family's values and priorities, everyone's time management
system will look different, reflecting what's important to him or her," she
explains. Fortunately, readers can easily customize her excellent advice while
learning how to create a personal time map, streamline routine tasks, conquer
procrastination and chronic lateness, and manage all the inevitable crises and
distractions of daily life. Speaking of procrastination, what better time than
now to try this book out--ridding yourself of all that draining clutter so you
can get on with living the life you want? --Gail Hudson
*****
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