Self Improvement Newsletter
Issue # 462, July17-18, 2007
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Issue # 462, Week of July 17-18, 2007
Publisher: David Riklan -
http://www.SelfGrowth.com
In this issue:
-- Quotes of the Week
-- Personal Growth Products and Services
-- Article: The Greatest Gift -- What Is It? By Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
-- Article: It Only Takes a Little Bit of Poison to Kill By Peggy McColl
-- Book Review: Your Destiny Switch: Master Your Key Emotions, and Attract the
Life of Your Dreams! By Peggy McColl
-- Brief News of the World
-- How to Subscribe and Unsubscribe from this Newsletter
Current Subscribers 258,974 subscribers
Removal instructions are listed at the end of the newsletter.
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*** Quotes of the Week ***
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The ability to change your life comes from the power of love in your heart. Love
connects you to other people's emotions. It's the ultimate source of emotional
fuel, so plug into it! Peggy McColl, Canadian Author and Goal Achievement
Expert
It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly
and try another. But above all, try something. Franklin D. Roosevelt,
1882-1945, 32nd President of the United States
There is nothing like a dream to create the future. Victor Hugo, 1802-1885,
French Poet/Dramatist/Novelist
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*** Article: The Greatest Gift -- What Is It? By Dr. Brenda Shoshanna ***
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The greatest gift we can give one another in a relationship is our true selves
-- being who we are. For some this is not difficult, but for most it takes
practice to take off the masks and become real. At first it can seem frightening
to stop playing games, and just be. However, much of the trouble that arises in
relationships is because we are unwilling to do this. We think the games we play
protect us, though they are actually the cause of the problems we have. Our need
for real contact is so strong that when it is not there, our partner can easily
feel lonely, rejected, or as though they don't matter much.
There are all kinds of ways we keep the games going. Instead of finding out who
our partner truly is, or what they really need from us, when something happens
we don't like, we rush to label them. They become an object to us, a stranger,
or opponent in some way. Before we give them a chance to reveal themselves, we
throw them away. In this way, we constantly separate ourselves from one another
and then wonder why we feel so alone.
The biggest need we all have is to stop playing games, trust who we are, and
realize that each person who comes into our lives is there for a reason; they
are worth knowing truly. We must learn to build bridges between ourselves and
them; allow open communication to take place. When we are unwilling to do this,
it is usually because we are hiding, afraid of being known.
How to Let Go of the Games We Play
To start on our journey of becoming real, it is useful to look closely at the
roles we play -- the fantasies we so cherish. These roles are often exactly what
get in our way. Roles can be hypnotic; it is easy to fall in love with a role or
fantasy and begin to believe it is who we truly are.
Or, more commonly, we fall in love with the role someone else is playing, become
mesmerized by it, and have no idea at all who the real person is. When that
happens, we are not falling in love with the person but with the fantasy they
are creating for us. It can and does come as quite a shock when things change,
and one day, we find out who they truly are. At this point, many relationships
get rocky.
There are many reasons it may feel dangerous to let go of a role or image. For
some, the idea of being true has become confused with the idea of being selfish,
not caring about the feelings of others. Oddly enough, just the opposite is so.
When we are able to respond truthfully, real caring can begin to arise. On the
other hand, when we act from our roles and games, we are implicitly demanding
this kind of false response from others. This way of relating is deadening, and
takes the enthusiasm, fun, and aliveness away. Everything becomes predictable.
Boredom sets in.
The biggest danger of being lost in a role is that we lose touch with the
reality of who we really are and what's going on, both for ourselves and others.
An incredible amount of misunderstanding comes about when we are glued to a
particular fantasy or role. Unglue yourself a little.
In order to unglue ourselves from the usual roles we play, it is helpful to step
into another's shoes. Try seeing the situation from your partner's point of
view. Pretend you are them for a few moments. What would you need or want if
that were true? Look at yourself through their eyes. You may be in for quite a
surprise. As our compassion for and understanding of others increases, our
stereotyped reactions melt away.
We constantly need to broaden our horizons. No relationship can stay the same
forever. If it does grow, it begins to fade. If we do not expand, we begin to
atrophy as well. As we become real and respond from the truth of who we are, a
sense of fresh possibilities, flexibility, and aliveness comes to us. It brings
excitement and adventure as well. This is a surefire way to bring the greatest
gift, both to others and to ourselves.
Cc/author/2007
About the Author:
Discover the surprising truths about love that will save your relationship, in
Dr. Shoshanna's top e-book "Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful
Relationships)" --
http://www.truthaboutlove.com. Psychologist, relationship expert,
speaker, and noted author has helped thousands become stable, strong, and
fulfilled. Get free ezine and reports at
http://www.brendashoshanna.com.
Contact at: topspeaker@yahoo.com
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*** Article: It Only Takes a Little Bit of Poison to Kill By Peggy McColl ***
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Excerpt from the New York Times Best Seller "Your Destiny Switch: Master Your
Key Emotions, and Attract the Life of Your Dreams" By Peggy McColl, foreword
by Neale Donald Walsch
http://www.selfgrowth.com/products/mccoll0717.html
I was married to a wonderful man. All my life, I'd dreamed of having a happy
marriage, and Charles was funny, warm, and caring. I felt that I had worked
through a lot of my own insecurities and was ready to be a part of a healthy,
loving relationship--but I wasn't.
Unbeknownst to me, I still had a deeply rooted feeling of unworthiness, so even
though I had attracted this terrific man into my life, I was subconsciously
sabotaging yet another relationship. I was afraid that if I confronted him about
any of the problems in our marriage, he'd get angry and leave me; therefore, I
repressed the difficult emotions of fear and low self-worth and pretended
everything was fine. He didn't speak up about his needs, and I didn't voice
mine.
Again, attending a seminar of Bob Proctor's sparked an epiphany for me. Bob
placed two clear glasses on a table, each half full--one with coffee, the other
with water. He took a teaspoon of water and stirred it into the glass that held
coffee, but I could see no change in it.
He mixed in another teaspoonful of water--and another, and another. It wasn't
until he'd added several spoonfuls that I began to observe the coffee becoming
slightly more transparent. Bob explained that this represented the effect of
positive emotions on a person who has a negative state of mind.
As I sat there, I took in his words and tried to apply them to my life. I had to
admit that it did take a great deal of positive energy for me to overcome my
feelings of anger, sadness, or unworthiness.
Then Bob stirred one teaspoonful of the coffee into the glass of clear water.
Instantly, I perceived the liquid changing color. He explained that this is the
effect of negativity on a positive mind: It's like a tiny bit of poison. Bob's
words became my third epiphany:
"It only takes a little bit of poison to kill."
It was true. While for the most part I felt as if my life was moving forward,
each time I experienced something that brought a negative emotion, I immediately
returned to that devastated, hopeless feeling I'd experienced when I was a
teenager in misery. If someone at work criticized me, or Charles and I had an
argument, all my positive feelings vanished--and anger, embarrassment, and
unworthiness hijacked me.
The smallest bit of poison would kill my positive attitude. Here I'd convinced
myself that all these self-help gurus were living perfect lives, free from any
jealousy, anger, or self-doubt, so anytime I experienced those negative
emotions, I felt bad about myself. Instead of trying to be more positive, I let
my toxic feelings dominate my experience, and then I felt guilty and awful for
not being more in control of my emotions.
It began to dawn on me that my expectations of myself were completely
unrealistic. I started to realize that all the self-help experts weren't trying
to tell me that I couldn't experience negativity, but rather that I needed to
manage its effect on my life and stop letting it act like a drop of cyanide,
destroying my outlook. I needed to develop the habit of learning what I could
from my darker feelings before quickly pulling myself out of my negative
emotional state and back into a positive one.
After having my third epiphany, I started to apply Bob's words to my life, but
it was too late to save my marriage. I'd always been so afraid of my negative
feelings that I refused to explore them, and they had acted like a poison within
my relationship.
When I look back, I remember that my marriage was filled with love, caring,
loyalty, and faithfulness. Still, instead of experiencing gratitude, I felt
unworthiness. It wasn't an overwhelming feeling so much as a lingering sense
that I didn't deserve happiness. Sadly, within a very short period of time,
Charles and I were both so unhappy that our relationship began to unravel.
Within four short years, we were divorced and living 20 miles apart. Of course,
we both loved our little boy, Michel, deeply and wanted what was best for him
more than anything else, so we shared custody. Against all odds, my ex-husband
and I created a solid, respectful, loving relationship as co-parents; in fact,
to this day we're still friends.
Find out what the most destructive and poisonous emotions you may have that
could be destroying your dreams.
About the Author:
Peggy McColl's new book, "Your Destiny Switch," leads you through the discovery
process of emotional awareness. It is truly life-transforming...and Peggy is
giving away some great bonus gifts with your purchase. You'll even be entered in
a drawing to win VIP tickets for two to the I Can Do It! conference in Tampa,
Florida! Check out this offer at
http://www.selfgrowth.com/products/mccoll0717.html
To purchase the book directly from Amazon.com, go to
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=1401912362/selfimprovemeonlA/
Also check out the Experts page for Peggy McColl at
http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/peggy_mccoll.html
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*** Book Review: Your Destiny Switch: Master Your Key Emotions, and Attract the
Life of Your Dreams! - By Peggy McColl ***
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"Your Destiny Switch" isn't just another self-help book. It's a powerful concept
and process that can consciously and creatively transform your life. You could
call it a paradigm shift in creative consciousness, a shift that speaks to your
demand for a richer and more experiential engagement in your quest for growth.
More than a book, "Your Destiny Switch" allows you to balance your key emotions
in order to reach your destiny.
Peggy McColl supports this work with a wealth of reference materials that
provide an abundance of valuable and usable life-changing tools: state-shifters,
the scale of human emotions, performance indicators, measurement tools, and a
daily and weekly destiny planner. This book will help you understand your own
creative power by way of your emotions, and more important, show you how to use
this power to create desired results by tapping into a powerful energy source
within.
*****
Neale Donald Walsch, who wrote the foreword for the New York Times Best Seller
"Your Destiny Switch," says, "This may be the most important book you have ever
read!" and many others agree! With the help of many world-renowned experts,
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